Where Love Lies, Monorhyme (tetrameter) Options

[Guest_Maxim_*]

Where Love Lies

There is a place where true love lies
for beauty's seen in ev'ry guise;
the slightest virtues grow in size
and each achievement multiplies,
while poor conjectures count as wise
and failures are but worthy tries;
when harshest censures are brief sighs
forgiveness comes as no surprise;
let all accuse, there one denies,
as trust is bound by steely ties;
should all seem lost, hope will arise
for there is faith that never dies;
there hurt is hard to recognise
when love enfolds it in disguise;
though still we may not realise
that place is in a mother's eyes.

by MaXiM

Original Lines:
L2 and beauty's seen in ev'ry guise;
L11 should all seem lost, there hope will rise
L12 for faith is there that never dies;
L13 and L14 - Added
L15 at times we may not realise

L6 where poor conjectures count as wise
L7 and harshest censures are but sighs,
L13 where hurt is hard to recognise

Reordered:
the least achievement multiplies
and slightest virtues grow in size,
while failures there are worthy tries
and poor conjectures count as wise

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Maxim,

Very well said!  *smiles*

A couple of suggestions to use or lose: {omit}[add]

There is a place where true love lies
and beauty's seen in ev'ry guise;
the least achievement multiplies
and slightest virtues grow in size
while failures there are worthy tries;
where poor conjectures count as wise
and harshest censures are but sighs,
forgiveness comes as no surprise;
let all accuse, there one denies,
as trust is bound by steely ties;
should all seem lost, {there hope will rise}[will hope arise]
for {faith is there}[there is faith] that never dies;
at times we may not realise
that place is in a mother's eyes.


Cathy

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Maxim

As a Mum I have to agree with what you say in this poem.  Unconditional love is a rare commodity.

Nina

[Guest_Maxim_*]

Hi Maxim,

Very well said!  *smiles*

A couple of suggestions to use or lose: {omit}[add]

Cathy

Hi Cathy

I appreciate the visit and the comments. I was about to add a couple of revisions and am pleased to use your suggestions - my 'there' count was getting high there and I prefer the way the lines read with your change - Thanks!

Regards

MaXiM

[Guest_Maxim_*]

Hi Maxim

As a Mum I have to agree with what you say in this poem.  Unconditional love is a rare commodity.

Nina

Hi Nina

Thanks for commenting. I think the fact that it is unconditional can sometimes mean it is not fully appreciated - at least not always frequently enough!

Regards

MaXiM

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Maxim,

I appreciate the visit and the comments. I was about to add a couple of revisions and am pleased to use your suggestions - my 'there' count was getting high there and I prefer the way the lines read with your change - Thanks!

Your welcome!  Glad I was able to offer something helpful.  :)

Cathy

[AMETHYST]

Hello MaXim-

What a beautiful tribute to Our Mother's Love! I couldn't have expressed such a profound truth with more flair and skill. The idea of repetitve end rhymes works absolutely grand. This is smoothly written, with a steady and uninterupted voice. The ending, actually brought tears to my eyes, believing that each word is heart-felt and too rarely stated.

Some minor suggestion...

L5, perhaps - "as failures there-are worthy tries"

Otherwise, I wished I had written this! Wonderful, heart-wrenching poem.

Best wishes and thank you for sharing such a remarkable tribute.

Liz ...

Where Love Lies

There is a place where true love lies
for beauty's seen in ev'ry guise;
the least achievement multiplies
and slightest virtues grow in size
while failures there are worthy tries;
where poor conjectures count as wise
and harshest censures are but sighs,
forgiveness comes as no surprise;
let all accuse, there one denies,
as trust is bound by steely ties;
should all seem lost, hope will arise
for there is faith that never dies;
where hurt is hard to recognise
when love enfolds it in disguise;
though still we may not realise
that place is in a mother's eyes.

[jgdittier]

Dear MaXiM,
"Where Love Lies" is for me a masterful expanded use of this style of poetry.
Usually such rhyme inmoses so much restraint on the message that nothing so serious as yours can even be contemplated. Here you've
managed to incorporate a beautiful message despite the poem's form.
Your ending is also just boffo!
Nicely done!
Cheers,   Ron   jgd

[Guest_Maxim_*]

Hi Liz

Thanks for your very kind comments on this piece, they are much appreciated.

Some minor suggestion...

L5, perhaps - "as failures there-are worthy tries"

My first thought here was that 'while' conveys the counter to the preceeding lines better than 'as', but in terms of the overall 'sound' I can see where having 'while', 'worthy' and 'where' so close together may jar slightly - so I will think on this suggestion.

Thanks again.


MaXiM

[Guest_Maxim_*]

Dear MaXiM,
"Where Love Lies" is for me a masterful expanded use of this style of poetry.
Usually such rhyme inmoses so much restraint on the message that nothing so serious as yours can even be contemplated. Here you've
managed to incorporate a beautiful message despite the poem's form.
Your ending is also just boffo!
Nicely done!
Cheers,   Ron   jgd

Hi Ron

I am glad that you found this poem worked in this form. I am looking to try out a few specific forms, as although I (try to) write in rhyme and meter I have not tried too many set forms to date.

Thank you for your kind comments.


MaXiM

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

where but in a mothers eyes can a child so beguiling find unconditional love.....great write,,,

Steve