Silence is a Great Healer, Random thoughts on Dementia Options

[Sekhmet]

Silence is a Great Healer

Your memory, holed as a frayed fishing net,

makes you suddenly forget your friends,

and where the long road home - ends.

And so, I watch in silence,

while the you that is you,

fades away before my eyes.

You'd be so full of surprise

if I were to speak, and say

“Hey love, didn't we watch

that TV show last week?”

We'll watch the repeat,

and I'll stay

Silent.

And from time to time, you'll fall into a fit;

and it hurts a bit when, after you awake

you have no take or memory of it.

I move in silence

as I take off your sheets,

and sponge you clean and neat.

My - conspiracy of silence.

Then you awake, and smile at me,

Your tired blue eyes show me

that today, at least, you know me

And, alone together

we are silently

Happy.

[Larry]

Hi Leo,

Even though the last word in your poem is "Happy", this is a very melancholy yet hauntingly beautiful depiction of sadness. I can't fathom the emotions one would have to go through to lose a loved one in this manner. My tears and prayers go out to all who have to suffer through the darkness for precious moments of lucidity.

Thanks for sharing,

Larry

[Sekhmet]

Hi Larry - You're a brave & kind man to comment on that howl of misery - and I thank you for it!
My dear husband has, untill recently, been a highly active and intelligent man, who supported our three children and myself by wielding his pen as a writer - the gradual deterioration of his mind was the last thing I expected. But this is where the marriage vows we made fifty years ago really kick in; especially the bit about, 'In sickness and in health'.
Hugs,
Leo

[Rhymer]

Very nicely written Leo. So true and also a poignant reminder of my personal experience.

If there’s one aspect of dementia which I found the worst to understand and accept, it was the fact that it is not so much the memory that is lost but “Memories”. Very important to all of us and especially so to those who don the role of care giver and support the one we love so much. When a blank stare is all we get from a recalled event which was, for long, a source of great pleasure. Often our immediate reaction is anger - but this does nothing to alleviate our concern. Patience is very hard to exercise at such times, but it is essential one does so.

I have recently lost my last aunt who was 92. She too suffered from Dementia/Alzheimer’s and was the last of my father’s sisters. All four of whom have suffered a similar fate when they reached their 90's. A little scary to say the least and more so when, being of an age when forgetfulness seems to occur daily if not hourly, I too wonder if this will be my fate? Little comfort in being told by your kin that “there’s nothing wrong with you, and it is only old age and not dementia”! One cannot help but wonder?

I think the effects on both the person suffering and their close family, are devastating, and especially so when it is happening to someone we have loved for so long. My wife is presently recovering from a bad concussion, and this too has been a strain which is somewhat reminiscent of Alzheimer’s. Fortunately, after nine worrisome weeks, she is returning to be the woman I have loved, and been married to, for more than 56 years. You can only imagine the relief I am beginning to feel!

Love your take on a delicate subject.

Sincerely, Denis.

[Eisa]

Hi Leo

A very moving poem which brought tears to my eyes, remembering my mother who also had Alzheimer's. It's heartbreaking how the person you love changes. With my mother, our roles changed - and I became 'mother'.

I love your very apt beginning:

Your memory, holed as a frayed fishing net,

I have a poem written about my mother - I'll have to look it out.

Take care
Hugs
Snow

[jerryk]

Hi there, Leonora;
yours is a quite relevant poem, relevant in as far as that I have witnessed this deterioration in several of my closer friends. In one case, both marriage partners, in their nineties, the dear old lady tried to attend to her husband on her own at the cost of her own health. Eventually, she agreed to send him to a home and he died within 4 weeks. Alzheimer's is a tragedy and much more research should be devoted toward this disease. Stem cell therapy may eventually offer the cure or reversal of the disease, but from what I know, we have a long way to go. Maybe, just by chance, some researcher will stumble on the cure, but I think that some of these maladies will always remain outside human understanding and intervention.

I think your very opening line "Your memory, holed as a frayed fishing net" is perfect, and you handled the entire subject very delicately. Well done.

Jerry

[Sekhmet]

Good afternoon Denis - Thank you for your response to my thoughts on Alzheimer's. They were written after a bad night, (my husband has suddenly become epileptic, just to add a little extra excitement!) and anyone who has cared for a sufferer from dementia will recognise the emotions stirred up by the, cinematic 'slow dissolve' of the personality they love.
Hang on in there with your own forgetfulness - it doesn't have to be the dreaded 'A' word. Your writing style remains fluid and prolific, and I hold the belief that a well disciplined and regularly exercised mind is likely to remain strong.
Hugs, Leo

[Sekhmet]

Hello Snow -
We find it so hard to come to terms with loss; whether it is the mind of an adored person, or the final breath of a much loved dog.
You are so right about the changes - at an advanced age, I seem to have become, 'mother' to a charming, but accident prone three year old boy, who instantly forgets what I explained just five minutes ago.
Still, I am lucky that, (at the moment) he remains happy and not too fearful of the future.
Hugs, Leo

[Sekhmet]

Hello Jerry - It is often the way, that a person, already themselves frail, struggles to look after a sufferer from Altzheimer's. The afflicted one is often perfectly happy within their interior world, whilst the carer inwardly grieves for the person they are slowly loosing.
I hope that science will find a way to stop our brain cells deteriorating so rapidly. We are all aware that we are on the road to death, but most of us would prefer to keep all our marbles firmly in place until we reach our destination.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments.
Hugs,
Leo

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Leo, a well thought poem about the horrors of losing that which we love. I think the word 'hay' should be 'hey' but other than that again you have brought tears to my eyes.

Steve