 Time - (tweaked), Rhyme Royal Stanza |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -> Herme's Homilies  |
 Feb 15 11, 14:17
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#1
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 11,389 Joined: 15-June 07 From: Springfield, Louisiana Member No.: 446 Real Name: Larry D. Jennings Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Just wondered in.  |
Time
As time eludes the rigid grasp of now to trace, in long forgotten yesterdays a trail of memories… regrets. Endow the past with astigmatic, roseate glaze. It’s footprints fade away in shadowed maze. Ephemeral, yet this infinity ensues without one’s perspicacity L4 did read: the past with a much finer roseate glaze. ·······  ·······When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers. Larry D. Jennings MM Award Winner       |
  
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Feb 15 11, 19:06
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#2
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hi Larry
I like the words you have used in this one. The meter flows well but I stumled a bit in L4 Time As time eludes the rigid grasp of now to trace, in long forgotten yesterdays a trail of memories… regrets. Endow the past with a much finer roseate glaze. the past with a much finer roseate glaze. I feel that 'a' here is a bit of a weak beat It’s footprints fade away in shadowed maze. Ephemeral, yet this infinity ensues without one’s perspicacity Snow 
······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner        |
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Feb 16 11, 10:29
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#3
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 11,389 Joined: 15-June 07 From: Springfield, Louisiana Member No.: 446 Real Name: Larry D. Jennings Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Just wondered in. |
Hi Snow,
Thanks for stopping by for a read. You are correct about the bump. Don't know why I didn't see that on my first few reads. I think the bump is caused by a switching from IP to Anapestic; not just because of the "a". I believe with a slight change, that can be taken care of with ease. Let me know what you think. Larry ······· ·······When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers. Larry D. Jennings MM Award Winner |
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Feb 16 11, 17:44
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#4
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Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Endow
the past with astigmatic, roseate glaze I love it Larry! Snow
······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner |
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