POSTCARDS FROM ABROAD, An experimental series of blank cards Options

[Cybele]

FINAL REVISION

POSTCARD FROM KEFALOS (On the island of Kos)


THE WINDMILL KEEPER

Nikos in his flat cap.a towering five feet four,
Comes eagerly to greet you as you venture through the door.
He bids you climb the stairway, should you feel so inclined
And lends support to girls in shorts by pushing from behind!

This wiry little Don Juan, then leads you to his Gallery
of snaps of ladies tall and small, called Rose or Jane or Valerie.
And by the side of every one enclosed in their embrace.
stands Nikos, an angelic smile lighting up his face.

He then avows undying love for ladies who are English
and with a twinkle in his eye and cap at angle rakish
pounces with a lightning speed -  and then without request,  
clasps your waist and buries his face deep within your chest!

Escaping his encircling arms you make a swift retreat
and stagger breathless through a door into the busy street.
Outside stand three young buxom girls clad in shorts and halters.
soon to be grist to his mill - his ardour never falters!

[Guest__*]

Dear Grace

This is delicious. I spent 6 months in Greece, and did encounter his type, although not from a physical point of wiew, being male.

This is so near ! I've made a few suggestions for you to take or chuck, and a little punc. Each is marked with *. I hope you don't mind me mucking about with your lovely work. Consider that I'm polishing it to bring forth the facets of a perfect diamond. On the other hand, tell me to bee off and I'll happily do that too.

May I suggest reading these offerings ALOUD, several times, alternating with your original, as this clearly shows any snags, the eye can skip, but not the tongue. Beat a finger while you read, this helps locate any hics in the rythm.

POSTCARD FROM KEFALOS (On the island of Kos)


THE WINDMILL KEEPER

Nikos in his flat cap,* DEL* a towering five foot* four,
Comes eagerly to greet you,* as you venture through the door.
He bids you climb the stairway, IF* you feel so inclined,*
And lends support to girls in shorts,* by pushing from behind!

This wiry little Don Juan then leads you to his Gallery
of snaps of ladies tall and small, called Rose or Jane or Valerie.
And by the side of every one enclosed in their embrace.
stands Nikos, with* angelic smile that's* lighting up his face.

Then* he declares* undying love for ladies who are English,*
and with a twinkle in his eye and cap at angles* rakish
pounces with such* lightning speed - and then with no* request
DEL* clasps your waist,* to* bury* his face,* deep within your chest!

Escaping his encircling arms,* you make a swift retreat,*
and stagger quickly through the door into the busy street.
Outside stand three young buxom girls,* clad in shorts and halters,*
about* to be more* grist to mill - his ardour never falters!

Without edit marks :

THE WINDMILL KEEPER

Nikos in his flat cap, a towering five foot four,
Comes eagerly to greet you, as you venture through the door.
He bids you climb the stairway, if you feel so inclined,
And lends support to girls in shorts, by pushing from behind!

This wiry little Don Juan then leads you to his Gallery
of snaps of ladies tall and small, called Rose or Jane or Valerie.
And by the side of every one enclosed in their embrace.
stands Nikos, with angelic smile that's lighting up his face.

Then he declares undying love for ladies who are English,
and with a twinkle in his eye and cap at angles rakish
pounces with such lightning speed - and then with no request
clasps your waist, to bury his face, deep within your chest!

Escaping his encircling arms, you make a swift retreat,
and stagger quickly through the door into the busy street.
Outside stand three young buxom girls, clad in shorts and halters,
about to be more grist to mill - his ardour never falters!

Love
Alan

PS I must confess to a sneaking admiration for our Nikos, would that I'd ever dared to be so bold !  :devil:

[Cybele]

Good Sir Knight,

Glad you like it. PONDERING, PONDERING.

Back as soon as I have time to digest this. I am very grateful for your input.

Love

Grace  :blush21:

[Guest_Zeus²_*]

Grace,
this is deliciously funny, he's probably a harmless fellow who the gals enjoy. Are there any vacant windmills that need a guide like me.
z² aka Larry

[Cybele]

Hi Larry,

Thank you for your comments, glad you like it. Yes I'm sure the ladies enjoyed it. It was hysterically funny.  My husband and his friend went in first (limited space they were told - or careful segregation!)

Then Ros and I went in.  When we finally escaped the men said they had put a donation in the box.  So had we! So Nikos had been paid twice for the pleasure.  

I heard that sadly, he died in 1999, but I'm sure he died a very happy man.  Unfortunately from the 225,478 applicants a new windmill keeper had been appointed.  Sorry fellers.



Cheers

Grace

[Guest__*]

Dear Grace

Wonder if they played any music at his funeral ? Perhaps
"Thanks for the mammories !"

Love
Alan

[Cybele]

Greetings good Sir Knight,

Now trying to find the time to reply to your suggestions.

Nikos in his flat cap, a towering five foot four,
Comes eagerly to greet you, as you venture through the door.
He bids you climb the stairway, if you feel so inclined,
And lends support to girls in shorts, by pushing from behind!

Yes I agree the first line is improved without the 'at'
L3 I prefer Should you feel so inclined Alan.  This is the word that described his initial Uriah Heep 'umbleness.
He was metaphorically wringing his hands, bless him!

This wiry little Don Juan then leads you to his Gallery
of snaps of ladies tall and small, called Rose or Jane or Valerie.
And by the side of every one enclosed in their embrace.
stands Nikos, with angelic smile that's lighting up his face.

L4. Not sure about with in this line Alan, think I prefer the break to an. Will give it some thought.

Then he declares undying love for ladies who are English,
and with a twinkle in his eye and cap at angles rakish
pounces with such lightning speed - and then with no request
clasps your waist, to bury his face, deep within your chest!

Line two. there is only one cap Alan so perhaps the original 'angle' is more appropriate. What do you think?

Escaping his encircling arms, you make a swift retreat,
and stagger quickly through the door into the busy street.
Outside stand three young buxom girls, clad in shorts and halters,
about to be more grist to mill - his ardour never falters!

I wasn't too keen on anon in the first place and think this needs replacing. About to be also seems a tad awkward.  How about:

Unwittingly more grist to mill? Don't know. Stuck on this one at present

Very helpful crit though Alan and much appreciated.

Grace  

[Cybele]

Good Sir Knight    

    Very comical!

Or 'Mammories of you,' or 'Chest a song at twilight'



Love

Grace  

[Guest__*]

Quote  
Nikos in his flat cap, a towering five foot four,
Comes eagerly to greet you, as you venture through the door.
He bids you climb the stairway, if you feel so inclined,
And lends support *FOR?* girls in shorts, by pushing from behind!


Yes I agree the first line is improved without the 'at' - OK
L3 I prefer Should you feel so inclined Alan.  This is the word that described his initial Uriah Heep 'umbleness. - got it !
- But, no, he was metaphorically wringing your boobs !

stands Nikos, with angelic smile that's lighting up his face.  

L4. Not sure about with in this line Alan, think I prefer the break to an. Will give it some thought. - either !

Line two. there is only one cap Alan so perhaps the original 'angle' is more appropriate. What do you think? - Oops ! Of coarse (delib spelling !) How delicately you put me right .....

Unwittingly more grist to mill? Don't know. Stuck on this one at present - Unw is too cumbersome ! How about Shortly or Perhaps ? Soon to be ...

Very helpful crit though Alan and much appreciated.

I enjoy, glad you do too !

Love
Alan

[Cybele]

Gentle Knight

Love your remarks (you cheeky monkey!)

YES of course 'shortly' the modern word for anon - or maybe 'soon' eh?  

Love

Grace

[Guest__*]

Dear Grace

Nicely nicely .....

Last verse :

Escaping his encircling arms you make a swift retreat
and stagger breathless* through a* (repetition) door into the busy street.
Outside stand three young buxom girls clad in shorts and halters, COMMA
anon to be grist to his mill - (SPACE) his ardour never falters!

Sorry, but the anon sticks out like a lighthousekeeper's thumb. Esp as it has other connotations in writing (by ANON).

L2 change "the" to "a". Alo you have swift / quickly, one is not needed - how about "breathless" ? L4 space after the dash !

Nice progress.

Love
Alan

[Cybele]

Hail Gentle Knight

LOVE breathless through a door (wish I'd said that) and space after the dash.

Think I'll put this baby to bed now.

In gratitude.

Love

Grace  

[Guest__*]

Dear Grace

..... and a pleasure it was for your boobs (poetic ones of course !) to grace my day !

Glad to have been a useful sounding board.

Love
Alan

PS So where is "English" from ?

[Cybele]

Hi again Alan

Your P.S has me puzzled???

"So where is 'English' from then?"

[Guest__*]

Dear Grace

Never let it be thought that I am disputing your final revision, so let's say that there are 2 typo "." where there should be ","s !

I assumed from the poem that you are English, just wonder from what part(s). I live in East GRinstead, Sussex.

Love
Alan

[Cybele]

Hail Sir Knight

With a surname like McApline and an avatar of a Scottish Castle, I didn't dream for a moment that you lived in East Grinstead. (Strange name eh!!)

I am from Somerset. Have been here 31 years now - an incomer as they say!

Before that I have lived all over with a total of 7 years in the Far East, Singapore, Hong Kong and Malaya.


Loved every minute of it.

Love

Grace

[Blank_Canvas]

Grace,
    Well, I'm getting in on the tail end of all your revisions and I like it as is. A witty tale....glad I haven't met this particular lothario....although I have met some of equal character in my day !  :frenchie: LoL  :laugh:
                            Marcia