Unusual Industries, Are there any in your area Options

[Athena]

Gee Whizzzzzz Mama ...I don't unnerstand anything these folks is a sayin'!  I know dear, they've got themselves a Brit thread!  Hmmmmmm wonder if our American threads are a puzzle to them, too ...    

Nice visiting y'all ...  

Blessings,
Athena/Dolly  

[Cleo_Serapis]

Athena!

I know what you mean, but has been fun trying to figure these tiles out!

::scrathing her head::

We'll have to rattle the snake!  :dragon:  ehhhh ...dragon!

Tootles!

Cleo  :pharoah:

[Guest__*]

Hello girls. How are you diddling.

I have to pause now and ask myself if we've been rude to our American cousins. In retrospect, I have to admit that we have. Sorry about that.
This thread is all about jangling. As opposed to bantering, which is inclined to be slightly more acerbic. Of course, you're very welcome to come jangle with us if you wish.
The original subject was unusual occupations, but somehow we moved on to old television and radio shows. (There really was life before Anne Robinson.)
One item on my agenda which does involve Americans is the hamburger. I'm pretty sure that many Americans regard this as a home grown invention.
Not so! The original hamburger was first served, not in U.S.A. nor, as it's name implies, Germany. It's another product of the canny Scot.
The hamburger was produced by accident in the glens of Inverglochie in the late nineteenth century. The Laird of the Glen, one Angus MacDonald was out shooting his favourite quarry, the indigenous hairy haggis of Lochinvar. On this occasion the Laird used a heavy bore elephant gun instead of his usual .22 rifle. The haggis was blasted wide open, and inspection discovered that it contained a variety of minced meats. Rather than waste the food, the Laird, (who never intentionally wasted anything worth more than a halfpenny) served it up on a bap. He was subconsciously imitating an earlier, English noble, The Earl of Sandwich, who discovered the beef butty. The idea caught on, and was developed by one of his offspring, Donald MacDonald. (Or was it Ronald ? Can't remember)
When vast numbers of Scots emigrated to USA, they took the recipe with them. Back home in Bonnie Scotland, the contents of the beast's stomach  confirmed suspicions that the beast was in fact, a carnivore, and it was almost decimated. Some managed to survive, but they are very shy, and nowadays only appear to scare unwary sassenachs on the occasional Burns Night.

No one could ever say that this site was not only rich in poetry. It is probably the most educational forum in /on the internet.

Tom

.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Dolly / Cleo,

We are most upset by your incomprehension. That was never intended. Incredulity, yes; total befuddlement, sure but incomprehension, not so.

If you would like anything translated from the original Auldgit (the language which we have been using on here) to English - please do just ask.

Tom has tried hard to provide a useful link to American culture. An interesting one too - though Tom put it most entertainingly, I had actually heard the basic story before - think I read it in an old copy of "Readers' Indigest".

Likewise (there - an American word to start the paragraph!)... Likewise, that indispensable burger accompaniment (no, not a heart attack), tomato ketchup. Developed in the USA by a race of small garden attendees who, despite their micro stature (about twelve inches high, standing) could never wait for the tomato crop to fruit. So they used greenhouses, hairdryers and incantations to speed things up. Eventually, tomato production gathered speed and was able to catch-up with their requirements. Well, an old Kentucky gnome, by the name of Daniel Jacks, was always merry and a bit sloshed. He mis-pronounced it and instead of "Catch-up Tomato Sauce" we now just have "Tomato Ketchup." (The "sauce" was dropped later in a supermarket by an embarrassed shopper).

Well, if we can be any more help please just ask. Oh, yes, and Cleo, just take care of that snake-rattling with those starched kilts... ouch! doesn’t bear thinking about!

[Athena]

                Hahahahahaa!

I must admit, for the most part, I've not understood anything that's been being chatted about in this thread. But, this isn't necessarily a problem, unless it feels that way to someone reading and gets them stressed out, as the MM threads are for EVERYone to enjoy, not just a few.  

I've personally found it an interesting challenge to attempt deciphering what certain words mean, but realized after the fifth or sixth entry my attention was straying.  However, I do have the "quack factor" as David and I call it: ADHD, which comes with its own conceptual anomalies including possible short attention spans.  (Shhhhhh .... I'll tell you a secret .... we think Daniel has it, too.)    

Blessings to all,
Athena/Dolly    

[Guest__*]

However, I do have the "quack factor" as David and I call it: ADHD, which comes with its own conceptual anomalies including possible short attention spans.  
Ah! Yes Dolly.
But is that classed as an unusual occupation?

Hugz

Tom.

.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Psssssssttt - I think Daniel took a tip from that tennis fellow...As a certain CLAW once told me:

"I'm in and out....like a MacEnroe line call!"  :dunce:  :jester:  :speechless:

However, Daniel's been such a good doobie these days don't y'all agree? He's been keeping us dancing in Karnak Crossing - and a HUG for that!  :cloud9:


Kilt - someone say kilt? An I have one of those?  :operagal:  :borg:  :footballhelmet:

Have a turkey  :turkey:  ...

Tee hee!  :cheer:

Cleo  :pharoah:

[Athena]

Oh Gee,Tom, I sure HOPE not!  

Thanks for bringing us back to your subject, "Unusual Occupations".  If I had a better understanding of what the thread is describing, it'd be easier to follow along.  However, I do think it's a good subject holding a lot of possible giggles and certainly interest.

Thanks Sir Thomas,

Blessings,
Dolly  

[Guest_Jox_*]

Tom, How could you ask such a question of Dolly? Have you never heard of the Honourable Guild of Duck Impersonators? On an American note, I believe that Mr Walter Disney made use of one from time-to-time. So, yes, Tom, having a Quack Factor does count as a profession. And, don't forget that unlike most people, duck impersonators cannot go to sleep on the job - else they'll be turned into eider-downs. (Quilt while you're a head I say). And think of the honour of being the Cream of Quackers - somewhat dry but quite spiffing with cheese.

Now Dolly, what is it that you don't understand. I've read back through this and, apart from some programme references (which, by and large, are explained - in exhaustive detail in some cases!) I cannot see anything obscure. Don't forget that Tom, Grace, Alan and I have never met - and I suspect we are very unrepresentative of the average Brit....

Grace actually writes her naughty postcards (most people just send them). Tom is a Texan Welsh Liverpudlian Diddyman (quite an endangered species), Alan is multinational and writes all his poetry by candlelight (hardly typical) and I am well... absolutely barking really. (Indeed, I recently had a contest with my English Setters - and they lost!).

So you just state your befuddlement and we'll do our best to make it clear as mud intelligible. You see things confuse us this side of the pond too... what's a "doobie"? What's "a certain claw"? So Dolly, just give us a list of vocabulary problems and we'll do our best. I'll start with a couple to help you out...

Kilt - A wrap-round garment for the nether regions as word by very hairy Scotsmen and Lori. Traditionally, men don't wear anything under their kilts - hence much of the mirth. The kilt is made of woollen tartan and each tartan represents a different warring clan - so if you see the kilt you know which particular tribe is massacring you. A nice touch I always thought. (Saves carrying cumbersome colours (flags) into battle).

Haggis - A Scottish quick-snack (eaten as an accompaniment to fried pizzas and Mars bars - see how unhealthy your business people make the Scots?). Blood, intestine and rolled oats make this a dish to savour. However, aerodynamic theory has it that, like the bumble bee, a Haggis should not be able to fly. Just shows you - scientists - what do they know?

Caber - A tree trunk which especially hairy Scotsmen, high on a Haggis / Fried Mars Bar diet* toss off at Highland Games. The one with fewest internal ruptures wins. (*No special diet supplements are allowed. The sport's ruling body is very strict on this - and many tossers have been banned for fruit abuse. Only last year, three competitors were found to have been eating apples, raspberries and - worst of all - pineapple before the competition. Well, that's just asking for trouble, isn't it?)

Any more vocab help, Dolly?

James.

[Athena]

Okay James, you asked for it!  

1.   Who is Johnny Rotten?  Is he a real person?
2.   Who is Barnes Wallace?
3.   What is a "Ruhe-Rattler"?
4.   What is "Haggis Bouncing"?          
5.   What is "Wizard"?
6.   Who is Roy Wood?
7.   What is "The Move and Elo"?
8.   What is a "Crimble Record"?                          
9.   What is "BBC North" and how does it differ from BBC South, East, or West?
10.  Who is "Aunty"?
11.  Who are "Ted Ray, Jimmy Edwards, and Tommy Trinder"?
12.  What is "Tossing the Caber"?
13.  What is a "Kirk"?                                
14.  What is "Kilcuddy"?
15.  What are "Clever Clogs"?
16.  What is a "Clay Blunger"?
17.  Wjat os a "Disintegrater Attendant"?
18.  What is a "Pugger"?                              
19.  Who is Neamon Andrews?
20.  What does it mean to be "spot-on"?
21.  What is "Flogging-off"?
22.  What is a "single malt".  Are there double and triple ones?    
23.  What is "diddling"?  An American friend told me it meant "having sex".
24.  What is "jangling"?
25.  Auldgit is a language I've never heard of. (I assume there are many of those!) Is it a modern language, I mean, still spoken?  If so, where?  By  whom?    :alien2:
26.  According to these preceedings it sounds as if the Haggis is a living thing one either fishes for or shoots to eat.  Now you say it's something made of blood, guts, and rolled oats and THIS is a tasty snack?  Oh myyyy ...  

Well James, that's it for a beginning.  This is all so funny to me as we are ALL supposed to speaking English, and yet, there are so many things that are so different from the American English that a lot of us speak.  VERY interesting!

Thank you for defending me, James!  Not necessary, but delightful!  It occurs to me that y'll have no idea what ADHD is.  If so, please ask and I'll be happy to enlighten you.      

Thanks for your time and efforts, James!  So appreciated!

Hugs and blessings to all,

Dolly  

[Guest__*]

Dear Dolly

Seems as if James and Tom are too overcome by your Qs to respond, so it's lucky I woke early (now 05.54) and can help with some !

1.   Who is Johnny Rotten?  Is he a real person?
-- now dead lead singer of Sex Pistols punk band.
2.   Who is Barnes Wallace?
-- one of my heroes - scientist who amongst other things invented the bouncing bombs which successfully shattered the 3 Ruhr dams near the end of WW II, which helped shorten the war. Played in the great movie "The Bam Busters" by Michael Redgrave.
3.   What is a "Ruhe-Rattler"? -- no isea
4.   What is "Haggis Bouncing"?
-- here we get into pretend mythology. The haggis is, truly, and sheep's intestine stuffed with minced meat, oats etc, rather spicy, and feared by all in the land, except those who are brave enough to eat it, who find it quite delicious ! Best served with totties and neeps - potatoes and turnips. Robert Burns wrote a humourous poem about "The chieftain o' the pudding race" on haggises (or is that haggii ?)
5.   What is "Wizard"?
-- a pop group lead by Roy Wood, something of a pop-music genius, whose perhaps most famous and long-lasting creation was the Electric Light Orchestra (ELO).
6.   Who is Roy Wood? --see above
7.   What is "The Move and Elo"? -- The Move another pop group, possibly also lead by Roy Wood - james, help me here. ELO see above.
8.   What is a "Crimble Record"?
-- Crimble = Xmas. Crimble Record would be the pop song that was #1 in Xmas week. Usually the worst record ever, until the following year's.
9.   What is "BBC North" and how does it differ from BBC South, East, or West?
-- BBC North - regional radio station run by the BBC. Others have similar names, but none actually the ones you guessed at, but could have been. If ABS = American Broadcast Service, you could have ABS Iowa, West Coast, New England, Florida etc.
10.  Who is "Aunty"?
--affectionate name for BBC
11.  Who are "Ted Ray, Jimmy Edwards, and Tommy Trinder"?
-- 3 comedians who were all BBC radio stars in their times, as well as stand-ups and many other things, TV, movies etc. Think Bob Hope, Woody Allen, perhaps NOT Lennie Bruce !etc. These guys all came from the Music Hall tradition, and were household names in the UK.
12.  What is "Tossing the Caber"?
-- a sport for strong men, part of any Highland Games. Used to be a tree trunk, tossed, or thrown, a few feet, longest throw wins.
13.  What is a "Kirk"? -- "The Kirk" = "The Scottish Church", ie the whole corporate body. A kirk = a church building.
14.  What is "Kilcuddy"? - no idea, but probably an invented scottish town name
15.  What are "Clever Clogs"?
-- Well, James and Tom, for a start - someone too clever for their own good, who usually produces trouble. Humourous, slightly derogatory - who's a clever clogs then ?
16.  What is a "Clay Blunger"? -- no idea
17.  Wjat os a "Disintegrater Attendant"? - huh ?
18.  What is a "Pugger"? -- ditto            
19.  Who is Neamon Andrews?
--Eamonn Andrews, radio & TV presenter, though Irish, big star of BBC.
20.  What does it mean to be "spot-on"?
-- absolutely right, old chap
21.  What is "Flogging-off"?
-- there may be less savoury meanings, but = selling - let's flog these last few cheap, then we can close the shop early
22.  What is a "single malt".  Are there double and triple ones?
-- Pure heaven ! The scotch whisky that you buy, say Johnny Walker, is a mix of different whiskies to produce the "blend" sold as that brand. Whiskies cost varying $, the costlier oned because they contain a higher proportion of "Single Malts", which take much longer to produce. Those who "dislike" whisky have only ever tried cheap blends, which is effectively still semi-raw. A single malt is the product of one specific distillery, at least 10 or 12 years old (ie it sits in vats for that long to mature), and most of them are pure bliss. You will know Glen Fiddich or Glen Morangie, The MacAllan, and many others, which are internationally traded brands in their own right. A good single malt is a FAR superior drink to French brandy. Highly recommended - a "Single Malt Trail" tour of Scotland, where you will see much sectacular scenery, visit many single malt distilleries on the way, and be treated to "a wee dram" at each. Very convivial ! We saw one dist where they told us that 4 men ran the whole whisky-making, while the other 129 staff were all tour guides for the likes of us !
23.  What is "diddling"?  An American friend told me it meant "having sex".
-- You could possibly be right, but the main use here would be = fiddling, cheating. Hey, that shopkeeper diddled me (short-changing or wrong product or measure)
24.  What is "jangling"? -- no idea
25.  Auldgit is a language I've never heard of. (I assume there are many of those!;) Is it a modern language, I mean, still spoken?  If so, where?  By  whom?    
-- Guessing here, but derivation is almost certainly "Auld git" = Old git = old person very similar to James and/or Tom, thus a language spoken only by them, thus needing expert translation for those of a more civilized bent !
26.  According to these preceedings it sounds as if the Haggis is a living thing one either fishes for or shoots to eat.
-- The haggis is indeed a living thing ! It lives in the twisted minds of auld gits, who procede to invent more and more outlandish things about it for the ribald amusement of Scots and hangers-on, at the perplexity of more advanced societies, and is by way of a revenge-taking exercise. However, take great care if walking in the Highlands, clockwise around a mountain, as you are likely to be bowled over by one of them, well-known for having its 2 right legs distinctly longer than the left ones, coming round the mountain anti-clockwise at a great lick (speed) due to this amazing mutation/natural selection !

JAMES - are you THERE - I KNEW all this jangling of haggis-sabres on an INTERnational forum would bring problems - kindly keep your under-the-kilt remarks to yourself, otherwise the tourism industry, of american ladies on serious "fact-finding" missions, will cause melt-down north of the border !

Love
Alan

[Athena]

AHAAAAAAA!  Dear Alan ....    

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Your time on my/our behalf is greatly appreciated!  I find everything you said to be very interesting, indeed!  

However, it looks as if even YOU do not completely understand everything said here.   Perhaps when the other fellows wake up they'll fill in the definitions that you were unable to.  Hope so.  

Again, thank you, dear man!  

Blessings,
Dolly  

[Guest_Jox_*]

Dolly, Thank you so much for taking such interest.

Alan, well done auld chap... thank you.
OK, Dolly, I’ll supplement Alan’s answers...

1. Who is Johnny Rotten? Is he a real person?

Punk music was the predominant pop music of the mid 1970s. The Sex Pistols were, perhaps, the biggest band. Johnny Rotten (real name John Lydon). Alan has made a slight error here - and Oscar Wilde would be proud of him. Reports of Rotten’s death are much exaggerated; he is still very much alive and still recording! The member of the Sex Pistols who is dead (from a drug overdose) is Sid Vicious (John Simon Ritchie) whilst in the USA. His ashes are scattered in a cemetery in Pennsylvania. Did you never pogo to punk (a dance) in the 1970s? No? You don’t know what you missed! The Sex Pistols, though British, were very big in the USA, too. By the way, no, I don't like punk.

2. Who is Barnes Wallace?

See next item, please (and as Alan says).

3. What is a "Ruhe-Rattler"?

Oh dear! A typo, sorry.  Should have read “Ruhr Rattler”. In WWII The Nazis has a vast industrial war production area which was beyond the Ruhr reservoirs. The Royal Air  Force’s bombing attempts had not been very successful. A maverick inventor / engineer, Barnes Wallace developed the “Bouncing Bomb”. It is a spherical bomb which, when dropped from a bomber, bounces (skips) along the surface of the reservoir’s water until just the right moment when it dives to a set depth and explodes against the dam’s walls. The dams were breeched and zillions of gallons of water poured down the valley and submerged the Nazi’s main production area - thus setting them back months. The RAF Squadron which mounted this mission was - and still is - nick-named “The Dam Busters” (typo by Alan in “Bam“). I believe that they are still a squadron and were most recently involved in the recent Iraq War. (But not using bouncing bombs!)

4. What is "Haggis Bouncing"?

Haggis is precisely what Alan says. The national food dish of Scotland. However, over the years satire and other humour has been aimed at the Haggis. “Haggis Bouncing” is one of my contributions to that. As a matter of fact, His Royal Highness, The Prince of WALES (!) wrote a book - “The Old Man of Loch Nagar” That included flying haggises. On Burns Night, a bag-piper pipes in the Haggis to meals in hotels etc throughout Scotland. By the way, I love Haggis. “Neapes and Tatties” are a great accompaniment (Turnips and Potatoes in English). We actually have two in the freezer now (yes, I know fresh ones are better!). Well, they were there last time I looked... oh Hell! They’ve escaped again....

5. What is "Wizard"?
6. Who is Roy Wood?
7. What is "The Move and Elo"?

Roy Wood, from the Birmingham area, was in Wizard, The Move and ELO (The Electric Light Orchestra). Wizard were a bubble-gum (glam) 1970s rock band - like Mud, Slade and the USA’s own The Osmonds. (Though British bands could never be so clean-cut). The Move were a hippy-inspired 1960s group (one track was “Flowers In The Rain”). ELO were excellent. They pioneered pop-classical fusion music with original use of the electric violin. Only Stephan Grappelli (The late French jazz violinist) had ever used the electric violin better.

8. What is a "Crimble Record"?

“Crimble” is, indeed, slang for Christmas (as, indeed, is “Xmas”). Those non-Christians amongst us sometimes prefer “Crimble” - it takes the “Christ’s Mass” element out. I still haven’t forgiven Christians (an imported religion to these islands - as, indeed, to America) for stealing The Winter’s Solstice and subjugating paganism - a proper, indigenous religion. (By the way, I don’t believe in paganism, either).

9. What is "BBC North" and how does it differ from BBC South, East, or West?

This actually refers to radio, not television. (Though there are regional tv divisions, too). The BBC in England operates a number of local radio stations - e.g. BBC Radios Solent, Derby, West Midlands, London etc. However, due to lower numbers of listeners in the evenings, the BBC combines several local radio outputs after about 7pm. So BBC Radios Manchester, Merseyside etc combine to form BBC North. Tom has had poems presented by BBC Radio North - which is why I mentioned it. BBC South etc do, indeed, exist. They are similar regional combinations.

10. Who is "Aunty"?

As Alan says. “Aunty Beeb” = BBC. (affectionate nick-name). BBC = British Broadcasting Corporation. Originally in the 1920s, British Broadcasting Company. However, it was nationalised by HMG (Her Majesty's Government) later in the 1920s and has remained state owned ever since. None of its UK services carry advertising - services are paid for by an extra tax of about £120 per annum on almost every household. The BBC World Service is paid for by the FCO (Foreign and Commonwealth Office - akin to the US's State Department) to project the British voice globally. BBC America and BBC Canada tv stations are paid for by subscription - they may also carry advertising.

I think that the BBC remains the World's largest broadcaster. In the UK it operates three national radio stations (BBC Cymru (Wales); BBC Scotland and BBC Northern Ireland). It operates about 35 local radio stations - mainly in England. It has regional link-ups as I explained above. It operates BBC World Service radio in about twenty languages.

In tv, externally, in addition to BBC America and Canada are BBC World and BBC Asia tv. Here, in the United Kingdom, their eight national tv stations are: BBC 1, 2, 3, 4, CBBC, Cbeebies, Parliament, News 24 and their ten national radio stations are: BBC 1, 1 Extra, 2, 3, 4, 4 Long Wave, 5, 5 Extra, 6, 7. Additionally, they have a 50% share in the twelve UKtv channels which do carry advertising and screen many old BBC programmes.

Though State owned, the BBC have frequent arguments with HMG. There is a massive one going on now over the suicide of a civil servant who was a top WMD expert (Weapons of Mass Destruction). He knew Iraq well and had been part of the UN Inspectorate there. Some blame the suicide on HMG; others think the BBC's frank reporting is to blame. Anyway, the point is that, despite being state-owned, the state has no editorial control over the BBC. In fact, it bends over backwards to assert its independence.

11. Who are "Ted Ray, Jimmy Edwards, and Tommy Trinder"?

I have never heard of Lennie Bruce. By the way, Bob Hope was born in London.

12. What is "Tossing the Caber"?

As Alan says.

13. What is a "Kirk"?

As Alan says.

14. What is "Kilcuddy"?

“Kirkcaldy” is the correct spelling of this Scottish town in Fife (the county / region). Notice how it starts with “Kirk”. Translated into English it would be Church Caldy. In England there are a number of places named like this - e.g. Church Stretton. The same in Wales (where “Capel” means “Chapel”) - so Capel Bangor for example. It was not invented, just a typo.

15. What are "Clever Clogs"?

Not quite as Alan says - too clever for other people, not for their own good! Clogs are wooden shoes... but how the two words were matched I don’t know. Dancing maybe? Alan is a clever clogs, too by the way.

16. What is a "Clay Blunger"?
17. What os a "Disintegrater Attendant"?
18. What is a "Pugger"?

I don’t know these either. These are all Grace’s. Don’t hold it against her - she lives in Cyderland. Even if she didn’t drink her usual seven flagons a day, just the vapours in the air are enough to do it, I suspect. Indeed, in a recent Environmental Assessment of that part of Somerset, car pollution was only 0.0001% (mostly drifted across - they haven’t even seen a car in that area, yet) but cider pollution was a massive 8%. Proof positive!

19. Who is Neamon Andrews?

As Alan says - but I don’t know if this was a typo or a quip. but, yes, the late Eamon Andrews

20. What does it mean to be "spot-on"?

As in on target - archery etc - on the centre spot. “Precisely correct”. As Alan says.

21. What is "Flogging-off"?

To flog is to whip. However, “flogging off” is, as Alan says, to sell quickly and cheaply. A sale, for example.

22. What is a "single malt". Are there double and triple ones?

Aggggggghhhhhhhhh! You must know this - Americans drink vast quantities of the stuff! Alan is right. All Scotch (not “Scots”) whisky is made from malt - but most have many malts blended to make a brand name. Most tea is similar, by the way. However, one distillery's output can be said to be “Single Malt”.  Blended whiskies (the vast majority of Scotch) are much cheaper because the producer can buy various input whiskies from various sources and carefully blend them to give the brand taste. However, a single malt is stuck with that particular distillery's output. By the way, “Whisky” is a Gaelic word, which translated into English” means “Water of Life”.

"Double" or "Treble" malts would be a contradiction in terms. Beyond single malt means that two or more whiskies have been blended. So it is single malt or it is blended. Mine's a double!

Now Alan and I disagree here. I dislike whisky greatly. I have tried several single malts and, indeed, my partner drinks Talisker - a slightly peaty single Malt from the Isle of Skye. I just don’t like the stuff. I have to admit that French (!!!) cognac and USA’s Southern Comfort are my preferences. I even prefer USA Bourbon and Irish Whiskey to Scotch. A good single malt cannot fairly be compared to French brandy - it must be compared to VSOP French Cognac. There is no decent comparison: cognac is heaven.

NB The Irish spell it “whiskEy”, the Scottish spell it as Scotch Whisky (no “E”). And, by the way, never call anything Scottish or Scots “Scotch” - they get right upperty, they do! (If they pick up a caber run for your life).

23. What is "diddling"? An American friend told me it meant "having sex".

Alan is right; nothing to do with sex. (Unless a sex shop owner diddles you out of a couple of quid). [“Quid” = pounds sterling]. Here, the main slang for having sex are “bonking”, “scr**ing” and “****ing. I put the asterisks in, not because of modesty - I have no objection to any of these words - but to thwart the auto-censor which will asterisk all three whole words and, thereby, make no sense.

By the way, don’t worry about children - they use these words more than any other group. Also, I have never understood why we should object to swearing per se. Context is all. Tony Blair forever says “you know” - that is dreadful. If someone yells across the street “**** Off” that is dreadful too. But if a pupil is chatting to me and says “Did you see tv last night - “Eastenders” - Gilly and Sam are ****ing” I see nothing wrong with that per se. (Note for Brits - I have never seen Eastenders so the characters’ names are invented). To **** is an old Anglo-Saxon word. “Bonking” is as good / bad / indifferent but the auto-corrector does not pick it up because it has little or no meaning in the US.  A big swear phrase there seems to be “Son of a Bitch” - here we know it but it is almost never used and has no effect at all - just sounds like someone is imitating an American film. Personally, my deep resentment is that anyone should use “bitch” derogatory. Bitches are the best animals in the world; how could we lower the word to refer to humans? Methinks humans are already above their station without trying to pretend they are children of dogs - we just are not that high on the evolutionary or intelligence chain.

So let’s re-capture words. Swearing doesn’t matter - it is context. If a child shouts at an adult that is rude. If a child honestly refers to sex as “****ing” - or “diddling” for that matter, so what? Forget the words, look at the context and intention. What logic is there for people to be hung-up on “swear” words. (“Son of a bitch” is an exception because it is rude to dogs).

24. What is "jangling"?

I cannot find where this is used. However, it means bouncing metal which tinkles. (Jingle-Jangle). Like coins in one’s pocket.

25. Auldgit is a language I've never heard of. (I assume there are many of those! Is it a modern language, I mean, still spoken? If so, where? By whom?

“Auld” is Scottish for “Old”. “Git” is a swear word for grumpy and daft old men. So, Alan is correct, Tom, Alan and I are auld gits. I am sorry to have deluded you but I made the word up. It means crap uttered by the likes of me.

26. According to these proceedings it sounds as if the Haggis is a living thing one either fishes for or shoots to eat. Now you say it's something made of blood, guts, and rolled oats and THIS is a tasty snack? Oh my ...

As we said - the Scottish national dish. It is squat and oval - something like a squatter aubergine.  It is traditionally wrapped in sheep’s intestine. Have you never eaten sausages? This is all a Haggis really is - a big, fat sausage. Blood, guts and cereal all go into most sausages. However, as Alan says, in the Scottish Highlands live mutated Haggises - they escaped from the Haggis kitchens and are asymmetrical in the leg department. Their running gets fiercer with the more whisky they imbibe and they are inclined (!) to lure American tourists to Loch Ness to feed Nessie’s taste for US fast  food. So beware! Apart from that, Scotland is a great place to visit. So I’m told. (Watch out for the midges by the way).

Well James, that's it for a beginning. This is all so funny to me as we are ALL supposed to speaking English, and yet, there are so many things that are so different from the American English that a lot of us speak. VERY interesting!

Indeed. Dolly. I don’t watch many US films or tv programmes but when I do I always meet words and phrases I don’t understand. The one which really befuddles me is the American interest in donkey bottoms. Why “kick ass” and “haul your ass over here” etc? Why not “Tell your donkey off” or “Bring that mule here” and  why “Haul your ass over here, boy“? Is obesity such a problem that a crane needs to be employed? Seems cruel to me. Apparently “ass” sometimes refers to a human. Scarcely credible is it? By the way, though we don’t employ this style of conversation - but when we do want slang for bottom we use “bum” or “arse”. Be kind to equines I say! My favourite misunderstanding is what we call “bum bag” - a belted pouch which fits round the bottom - beloved of travellers. I believe you have a different name for it!

Thank you for defending me, James! Not necessary, but delightful! It occurs to me that y'll have no idea what ADHD is. If so, please ask and I'll be happy to enlighten you.

Attention Deficit Syndrome? (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) - I’ve taught pupils who are on medication for it!

Thanks for your time and efforts, James! So appreciated!

You’re welcome, Dolly. Now, what’s the next batch of questions?

Hugs and blessings to all,

Best regards and toodle pip, James.

[Guest__*]

Dear James

Well augmented !

BUT !!!!!

One gross error of whiskymanship :

"All Scotch (not “Scots”) whisky is made from malt" IS NOT TRUE - whiskey is made from Barley, then blended with others, incl Single Malts, to form the brand taste.

Malts are MUCH more expensive than barley whisky - hence the blending to save money, a well-known Scottish attribute. (the money-saving, that is !)

Love
Alan

[Guest_Jox_*]

Alan,

Thank you for your comments.

Quite right about the whisky - I did know that but a slip of the keyboard. But barley is really best left for beer. Even I recognise that malt is a far superior base. Thank you for the correction, though.

ADHD...

Here schools would not be allowed to administer drugs except with the permission of doctors and parents. (They cannot even issue headache pills now unless a nurse is present).

I don't agree with you entirely, Alan. Yes, sure drug firms hype illnesses to make profits. However, some pupils do have psychological problems of concentration (and, yes, some of those are "putting it on").

However, I have seen some pupils almost in pain trying to retain concentration, go for medication and return ten minutes later very placid. Now, I know my lessons are probably boring but this change is too dramatic. Too dramatic, even, for acting - one would not act it that dramatically; it would be "over the top".

As with all psychological matters, (and many physiological ones) disputes do exist. Nevertheless, I believe that I have seen proof that the drugs work. Might it be a placebo effect? Possibly but, as far as I can tell, there does seem to have been a chamical response in the brain to the drugs.

I do know that, before medication these pupils become unteachable but after it they are compliant. I am not qualified to argue if these are the best drugs / most appropriate treatment. My partner is a pharmacist and she thinks that the drugs have an important part to play in the treatment of some youngsters at least.

Sorry, cannot go further with this - ignorance kicks in now!

Regards, J.

[Guest__*]

It’s lucky I woke early (now 05.54) and can help  attributed to Alan.

Before I can even begin to jangle, I look on the above statement from Alan with some alarm. The only sort of chap I know who gets out of bed that early does so for nefarious reasons. I strongly suspect a spot of haggis bashing is in the offing, or even worse, some trout tickling.
Should you be caught, then I suggest that you feed the evidence to a moggy before the scuffers get you. There are no jiggers in the highlands in which you can hide.

I was fully intending to lay the blame for this confusion over our lack of transatlantic understanding on one, William Gates, but it seems that schisms exist even within our small island(s) (Pluralised in case we have any Irish stock amongst us) I forget sometimes that Liverpool has a rather more advanced and vociferous vocabulary than the rest of the Kingdom. But all one has to do is ask politely for one to elucidate and one will receive a literal translation. The conception that a stranger would receive a Kirkby sandwich or a knuckle butty is very much erroneous.

Some observations have been made regarding the haggis. True, the beast has now been domesticated, and serves as a digestion trap for the unwary. But as James points out, the mutant, hairy haggis is very much alive and kicking. The most feared of the species live in the highlands, and can be recognised by having one foot shorter than the other to help them run sideways on the Scottish hills and thereby bring down their prey faster. On occasion they attempt to mate with bagpipes, mistaking the chanter for a sexual organ. When this happens the bagpipes, quite understandably, make an even more mournful sound than usual. This, by the way, is not indigenous to Scotland. I believe that strange sounds of a similar nature are heard in the swamplands of Florida, accompanied by strange dancing lights. This is undoubtedly due to the act taking place underwater and the creature striking a match to see what is occurring.
The legend of the hairy haggis is vigorouly denied by all Scots as they fear for the tourist industry.

Crimble is a mispronunciation in the south of England for the proper term, CRIMBO. As in. “All right lah. What are you getting for Crimbo?” (Christmas) It flows so much more fluently from the tongue and allows the Scouser to get several words in edgeways at once.

I’m astonished that nobody knows about Kilcuddy. It’s a small Scottish town in the county of Fifeshire.  It had a certain mystical quality about it, not dissimilar to Brigadoon.

A disintegrater attendant is obviously a nurse in an Old Folks Home

Flog has several connotations. Obviously, to severely beat someone. As a slang term, to flog something to death, i.e. to talk about something until every avenue of the subject is absolutely exhausted. To flog- in the vernacular, to sell. To flog off – to sell cheaply


Diddling. This might cause some controversy. In many, indeed far too many, areas of the UK, and quite possibly the U.S.A  lots of people, both male and female, are besotted with sex. This is not so in Liverpool, where the priority is quite properly, football.  How a perfectly decent word can be so maligned is beyond the averages Scouser’s comprehension.  The nation’s favourite comedian will be appalled when I tell him. He always commences his act by asking, “Hello Missus. How are you diddling? “ A perfectly innocent remark meaning ”How the hell are you.”

Jangling? Now I’m beginning to feel like a dictionary. To jangle. To indulge in the art of idle conversation. To throw words from one to another and watch them bounce off to measure their effect.  We have been jangling here for three pages. No wonder we talk such a load of rubbish if no one knows quite what we are supposed to be doing. No wonder indeed, that they say the art of conversation is dead.
Americans drink bourbon. Irishmen drink rye. Englishmen drink scotch. Discerning Scotsmen drink cask, which is a specialty whisky that friendly connoisseurs in Edinburgh send me from time to time. It’s the water of Life before it gets watered down and spoiled..

Enough now. I’m weary and I have to take a leek. (Don't be afraid to ask girls)
I’m baking a Welsh cheese pie this afternoon.

Tom

[Cybele]

Hello Dolly

How lovely to see another female here. Evens things up a little.

I see they have been helping you out with explanations, but these are down to me.
All phrases below relate to occupations in the pottery industry.



This all started with a Sagger Maker's Bottom knocker Dolly.

A Sagger Maker makes large fireclay containers to hold stoneware for firing
A bottom knocker assist the Sagger Maker by knocking the bottoms off the stoneware after if has been fired. See easy peasy!

16.What is a "Clay Blunger"?
He tends the slip stirring machine. Slip is the very wet clay used to affix handles etc to jugs.

17.  What is a "Disintegrater Attendant"?

He shovels lumps of clay into the hopper of disintergrater machine

18.  What is a "Pugger"?

Throws leaves of clay into pug mill (Sounds like a job for me!)
                           
19.  Who is Neamon Andrews?

Eamon Andrews Dolly, NOT a typo but a play on words.

Now how about getting your revenge on these pranksters by flooring them with strange American folk lore. I'd love to see that.  



Love

Grace

[Guest__*]

What is a "Disintegrater Attendant"?

He shovels lumps of clay into the hopper of disintergrater machine

I didn't know that!  

But I still think that my explanation was more true to life. :tophat:  

Tom

Nil Illegitimum Carborundum

.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Dolly and Cleo, (plus Grace, Tom and Alan),

So, is now all becoming much clearer. We have no idea what others, from different parts of the country mean anyway; so this plea of "I'm an American - Get Me Out Of Here" just won't wash. Might be a crap tv programme in it, though?

Lack of transatlantic understanding? No! Take one ocean between Europe and America. Cross it. That's it; nothing else to comprehend. Job done. Which reminds me...

I regret to say that Grace's potty experiences seem to have spurred-on Tom's culinary exploits. A Welsh Cheese Pie indeed. Caerphilly is great-tasting and crumbly - we have some in the refrigerator. Give me four ounces rather than ten pounds of rubber Chadder any day. So, with Caerphilly and Tom's leeks, it seems urine you're in luck.

Toilet Matters. (Well, it does when one's desperate). Many people used to "spend a penny" but, this had to be abandoned because of inflation when it became "bob-a-job". (Mind you, that included the service of people, called Wogglers, who were paid to go for one - saves time). Actually, in Derbyshire we don't "go for a leek", we "go for a waz". Now, Tom, don't take the bean - or the pea!

I'm not sure that Tom's comments about not being ground-down are quite legitimate are they? Still, who needs wedlock to be under the cloche? My tomatoes did all right.

I think Grace is wrong. Eamon Andrews was a typo. It was his career between boxing commentator and "bloke with the boring red book" (About the same time as he was Crackerjacked). Apparently, in his time he typed two million Os. His brother also made a name for himself, trading as liver salts.

Clay Bunger - I thought that was a bribe offered (and, of course, refused) by Muhamad Ali prior to an early bout? How wrong one can be.

Trout tickling does not work. Take it from me. We live near the best trout rivers in the country (there's even a very small one at the bottom of the garden). I have tried tickling trout on several occasions and every time I have been ejected from the supermarket. Anyway, I am sure Tom is wrong. Alan is a quick typist - I am sure he uses both hands on the keyboard even when he pretends to be up at the crack of dawn.

Strange American folk lore? What about strange American laws? Have you read the book, "How to Elect a President" by Chad Hanger? A bit Gorey but he doesn't beat around the Bush.

I'm off to read the exploits of "Sagger Maker's Bottom knocker Dolly". It's in this month's edition of the soft-porn title "Perfect Pottery". Of course, this is where you can also find "101 uses of slip". I quote: "He slipped, but just then she slipped and fell with the tea tray. Her cups overflowed. Many a slip betwixt cup and lip!" Racy stuff indeed. Makes me feel like a cuppa and a scone right now!

Yours in perfect Harmony (with nice bouncy, natural looking hair - though it is all plastic),

James.

PS Dolly: Is it all becomming clear now? Would you like any more guidance? Have you seen the HBO tv programme "Auldgit for beginners?"

J.

[Athena]

Dear Tom, James, Alan, and Grace,

Thank you all very much for your time and efforts in identifying your British/Welch/Irish/Scottish words that are foreign to the American tongue and mind.  Very appreciated.  

To the two of you who spent some time on "single malt" liquer, no, I don't drink alcohol, none, zero, zip so had no idea of whiskey/scotch/malted drinks.  Thanks for your explanations.    

Alan, at this time all I can say is that you're uninformed about ADD and ADHD and recommend you seek more information before making derogatory statements about it.  Many, many adults are lifetime sufferers of this malady and could be very upset by your statements. I've addressed this matter to you in more detail and will soon send in PM.  I recommend beginning with ANY book by Dr. Lynn Weiss on this subject as she specializes in it.    

James, you'll soon have a PM, too, so please check it out.

Again, thanks everyone for your precious time and efforts on our behalf.  

Blessings to all,
Athena