The real you **, Tidiness Options

[greenwich]

Tidy your bedroom
the strewn videos are too much.
The copy of the wall scarab has lost its shine,
for the want of diluted bleach
it shadows the creeping mildew.
Putty your window frame
before the draft claims your cold.
Your never read poetry collection irregularly resurfaces
under the avalanche of your Field studies council brochures.
Grannies crocheted blankets needs a spruce,
last addressed when you played Norwegian Woods
before the Technics de-powered.

[Critter]

Just some quick comments. I like this collection of images that mirror the subject. A very nice collection that shows a big slice of life
Tidy your bedroom
the strewn videos are too much.
"are too much" might be telly, perhaps a "show" here
The copy of the wall scarab has lost its shine,
for the want of diluted bleach
it shadows the creeping mildew.
Putty your window frame
before the draft claims your cold.
Your never read poetry collection irregularly resurfaces this might throw a reader who begin reading in the present tense, maybe obscure/ignored/overlooked...
under the avalanche of your Field studies council brochures.
Grannies crocheted blankets needs a spruce, Grannie's"?
last addressed when you played Norwegian Woods
before the Technics de-powered.

Take or toss, good read.

[weaver]

g;

Ooooo I like the bitter tone!
Familiarity breeds contempt?

This like the bedroom, needs a bit of tidying but the message is very clear. Enjoyed!

Cheers
W

[Eisa]

Hi Antony

I like this slice of life, which just needs a bit of a tidy up!

Tidy your bedroom
the strewn videos are too much.

I feel 'are too much' is unnecessary, perhaps something like

Tidy your bedroom
of numerous strewn videos.

The copy of the wall scarab has lost its shine,
for the want of diluted bleach
it shadows the creeping mildew.
Putty your window frame
before the draft claims your cold.
Your never read poetry collection irregularly resurfaces

Your unread poetry

under the avalanche of your Field studies council brochures.
Grannies crocheted blankets needs a spruce,

Grannie's

last addressed when you played Norwegian Woods
before the Technics de-powered.


I'm having a last minute tidy up before Xmas. I do hate it, but everything looks so nice afterwards!

Eira

[Psyche]

Hi Antony,
Sounds like a familiar scene, especially when my kids were adolescents! As in life, so in poetry, a little tidying up might help. But first of all, I want to say that I do like poems that allow us to peep into brief sketches of somebody's hideaway.

Tidy your bedroom
the strewn videos are too much.

Perhaps:
Tidy your bedroom
of strewn videos.

The copy of the wall scarab has lost its shine,
for the want of diluted bleach
it shadows the creeping mildew.

Not sure I understand these lines. One uses bleach to remove mildew from walls.
Because here it seems that the wall scarab shadows the creeping mildew. Perhaps another word for shadows. Or maybe:

The copy of the wall scarab has lost its shine,
the creeping mildew shadows it
for lack of diluted bleach.

Or something like that! TorT!


Putty your window frame
before the draft claims your cold.<<<<<<<claims your cold?

Your never read poetry collection irregularly resurfaces
under the avalanche of your Field studies council brochures.
Grannies crocheted blankets needs a spruce,
last addressed when you played Norwegian Woods
before the Technics de-powered.

Your unread poetry collection
resurfaces irregularly
under the avalanche
of Field studies council brochures. TorToss!!

Grannie's

I also suggest you remove second 'your' to tighten up a bit.



Oh, dear, Antony, I've said too much. You only put two **
Never mind me, take or toss everything.
As I said, it's a wonderful peek into a person's privacy.
Cheers, Syl***