"A Merry War", A movie review in verse Options

[jgdittier]

The book is "Keep the Aspidistra Flying" by Geo. Orwell
The movie, "The Merry War"
A  resume:
Gordon writes advertising verse
Gordon wants to write real poetry
Gordon is jealous of the rich who have sex in the afternoon
Gordon quits his job, writes, sinks to bathless garret life
Mad and drunk, he beats on an aspi plant.
Girlfriend Rosemary, showing pity, gives him sex in the afternoon and gets "in the family way".
A potential dad, Gordon reforms.

"A Merry War", a film by Orwell,
for tongue in cheek is sure to scorewell.
Loosely based on Orwell's life,
he related class and strife.

Is Gordon really that abused,
or is he really just confused?
Is his attempt to have his way
to his life a mere "nay" say.

Is he a sponge to take from sister
and poor Rosemary, he even dissed her,
Must he go without a bath
and waste everything he hath?

Thinks he naught of but his ego,
when his carreer he is to see go.
When he succeeds he is a dupe,
then drunken sot in legal coop.

To show good judgment he just can't,
for he abused an aspi plant.
His life, it sunk to close to hell,
and then good fortune, he "rang the bell"

Then the prize, he won, the boon;
he had his sex in the afternoon!
You see, it turned his life around,
"Expectant father", now he's sound.

So now he would assert himself,
poor no more, he now chose wealth.
All his failings, as it seemed,
now are gone, he's been redeemed.

A man whose past we might not mention
'cept it led to his redemption.
Gordon Comstock, not a stooge,
you've made it back, like Mr. Scrooge!

[JustDaniel]

The book is "Keep the Aspidistra Flying" by Geo. Orwell
The movie, "The Merry War"

Did I lose something in the translation?

scratching my head Lightly, Daniel  

[jgdittier]

Dear All,
Daniel posted while I was revising.
Cheers,    jgd

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi JGD

I haven't read the George Orwell book nor seen the film so it is hard to comment on the ideas in the poem.  I do have a few suggestions for you to take or leave.

"A  War", a film by Orwell,       (Merry)
for tongue in cheek is sure to scorewell. score well is 2 words
Loosely based on Orwell's life,
he related class and strife.

Is Gordon really that abused,
or is he really just confused?as you have already used really in the line above, I would suggest replacing the second one with simply
Is his attempt to have his way
to his life a mere "nay" say.

Thinks he naught of but his ego,
when his carreer he is to see go.
When he succeeds he is a dupe,
then drunken sot in legal coop. the first 2 lines seem awkward and hard to say but, perhaps the first line could read - he thinks of nothing but his ego but I have no idea how to improve the second line.

[jgdittier]

Dear Nina,
The title is "A Merry War".
How that guy substituted himself for Merry I don't know and didn't know how to fix it.
I like your simply for really and will change it before it cycles.
Same with scorewell and the he thinks...
The second line with the ego/see go rhyme is typical jgd.
My "style" is to write distinctively different from presently accepted prose. Expect to see frequent inversions and elisions.
Thanks for the help.
Cheers,    jgd

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Jgd,

I think that smiley is supposed to be a hobbit called "Merrry" from the Lord of the Rings.

Do you have emoticons enabled? Maybe you can get rid of him by disabling them. Either that or add an extra 'r' or something (deliberate typo to fool the system).

As I cannot crit on the basis of the R&M - which are to my eye excellent as always I am left with your message. I am not sure that Comstock 'reforms' - is it not more that he 'gives in' to the system?

Fran

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Ron,

I took the liberty of using the info which Fran provided, entering your post and editing simply by switching off emoticons (again, as Fran suggested). I shall also remove (Merry) in brackets.

Cheers!

James.

[jgdittier]

Dear Fran,
I guess you can say Gordon gave in to the system, but that fails to suggest that the system wasn't all that punative and that his conscience dictated his reformation.
I considered the movie a delightful portion of pleasant pistache.

Dear Jox,
Thanks for the corrections. That was my first emoticon in all my 4+ years so I don't even know how to enable one let alone banish it.
Cheers to all,   jgd

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Ron,

Cheers.

If, when posting or re-editing, you look just above the "Add reply" or the re-edit button (which has to be clicked to send the message up to the server), you'll see three tick-boxes. Ensure that the top one - "Do you wish to Enable emoticons for this post" is UN-ticked. That will stop the pesky little critters in their tracks.

I've said this before - I think there's a big gender difference with emoticon use. Most women use them, most blokes don't (exceptions both ways but in general I'm sure that's true.)

Regards, James.

[Arnfinn]

Hi Ron,

Your piece shows a great sense of humour mate!

Aint read much Geo's, only about Grovers Crossing I think!

That was the one with Orson Wells wanit.


Anyway, I get a beat that changes on and off with the stanzas through your piece, but it didn't seem to alter the feeling of the poem. Well, except for the stanza.

"A Merry War", a film by Orwell,
for tongue in cheek is sure to scorewell.  where the beat changes twice, though in

saying that it still was OK for the reading.

You fitted a lot of action in the stanzas which I thought was great. I dont have to read the story now, I know all about it.


Enjoyed,


Arnie  

 :troy:

[jgdittier]

Dear Arnie,
Altho I admit to excessive PL, rarely do I let metre get this far out of hand.
Perhaps it was exuberance that caused this intended verse to sound more like mere hype.
Hugh and Helen pull it off perfectly. Orwell laugh's at the world he sees as Gordon, always complaining that the rich get "sex in the afternoon" while he, having to work first shift, is thus denied.
Getting it by sinking to the depths of the squalors of London
is the pivotal point.
Make a party of it!
Cheers,    jgd