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> Skyline View [revised 29 Mar 2009], a haiku
ace
post Mar 18 09, 17:02
Post #1


Babylonian
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Posts: 87
Joined: 27-November 06
Member No.: 361
Real Name: Ross Baird
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Mysty







White clouds stripe the sky
as a jet skis beneath them,
schussin snow swept peaks.



ace

Original third line:
heading o'er mountains
 
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Arnfinn
post Apr 21 09, 00:47
Post #2


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Joined: 9-August 03
From: Australia
Member No.: 17
Real Name: John
Writer of: Poetry




G'day Ross,

Dunno, about in mixing different laguages in haiku.

Haiku's, tend to have a sense of mystery coupled with a purity of language.

For instance you wouldn't find any French words in a Japanese haiku.

It may be an idea to stick to English.

Regards,


John


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Arnfinn

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