 Dear God |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Aug 7 10, 08:35
Post
#1
|
|
 Egyptian  Posts: 327 Joined: 17-May 08 From: San Juan Puerto Rico Member No.: 508 Real Name: Sergio Ortiz Writer of: Poetry  |
Dear God
I feel you in the leanest spaces of a line of skin that recalls the humidity of a love harvest. Let's play lick the snakes, dissect respiration. Two exhausted centuries fray in their daily routines. Street urchins lose their fear and spit on you. ·······  ······· |
  
|
|
|
Aug 11 10, 15:15
Post
#2
|
|
 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hi Sergio
I enjoyed the read - the only observation I can make is the three times 'of' is repeated in St1. Snow  ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner            |
|
|
|
|
Aug 12 10, 12:49
Post
#3
|
|
|
Egyptian Posts: 327 Joined: 17-May 08 From: San Juan Puerto Rico Member No.: 508 Real Name: Sergio Ortiz Writer of: Poetry |
Yes, I saw that Snow. And it made me so angry. I will have to think hard about rewording this to at least get rid of one of those of's. Thank you.
Sergio ······· ······· |
|
|
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
|
|
Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 28th April 2024 - 18:55 |
Read our FLYERS - click below
|
| more Quotes |
| ||
|
|
|
|
