 Read Aloud and Heara Lira, A lira in light verse |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Dec 6 06, 16:20
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#1
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry  |
Seven plunks, some down, some up...
eleven more to fill this line completely... beats be four to fill this cup... and sugar stirs so sweetly. Now salivate and stir and slurp discreetly. ·······  ······· |
  
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Dec 6 06, 18:45
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#2
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 Assyrian Posts: 185 Joined: 3-October 06 From: DFW Texas Member No.: 278 Real Name: Dennis Martin Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Cynthia Neely |
QUOTE(jgdittier @ Dec 6 06, 15:20 ) [snapback]88279[/snapback] Seven plunks, some down, some up... eleven more to fill this line completely... beats be four to fill this cup... and sugar stirs so sweetly. Now salivate and stir and slurp discreetly. A riddle? Or a pun on the word 'Lira'  18 plunks some down some up... seven first, then eleven more needed... coins (lira) to buy enough... drinks? I guess as they plunk one could 'hear-a Lira'! 'beats' as in ONE-two-three-four, ONE-two-three-four: Or 'beats' as in having something better than someone else? I think beats as in rhythm. Hummmm...  It's a tasty treat indeed whatever 'it' is!If it's a riddle then I guess an answer will be forthcoming soon enough!  Dennis! ······· ·······Faith is a fine invention
for gentlemen who see, but microscopes are prudent in an emergency! -Emily Dickinson MM Award Winner  |
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Dec 7 06, 07:56
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#3
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 4,592 Joined: 31-October 03 From: New Jersey Member No.: 39 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Larry Carr |
Ron,
If this is a true riddle, then you have me racking my brain to figure it out. Your rhyme scheme seems to be very effortless and rolls off the tongue. I will have to read this a few more times to see if I can find the underlying message or perhaps maybe one of my craftier peers will figure it out for me. JLY ······· ·······Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner            |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Dec 7 06, 09:37
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#4
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Hi Ron,
What a lovely way to teach someone about the Lira and how to read it. Although I've found nothing about meter, yours reads so pleasantly with it. Or you could just be sitting in a coffee shop~ LOL Beautifully done! Cathy 
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Dec 7 06, 09:48
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#5
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Assyrian Posts: 185 Joined: 3-October 06 From: DFW Texas Member No.: 278 Real Name: Dennis Martin Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Cynthia Neely |
Cathy, your so darn clever!
 Got it!  Nice work Ron! Seven then eleven! DUH!  Dennis! ······· ·······Faith is a fine invention
for gentlemen who see, but microscopes are prudent in an emergency! -Emily Dickinson MM Award Winner |
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Dec 7 06, 16:34
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#6
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry |
Dear All,
Although I'm not Catholic it's time for a confession! I should have anticipated that this one would confuse. I had never heard of a poetic "lira" until a few days ago and was in the mood to experiment. Now don't laugh! You might know that I'm the one here who tries to write with emphasized beat and will exercize every element of my poetic license to achieve it. On reading the formula, it said syllables per line is to be 7-11-7-7-11 and rhyme scheme is ababb. Wow! This would make more sense to me if it were abaab, for repetition's sake based on the syl count. I started by annoting the following: /--/--/a -/--/--/--/b /--/--/a /--/--/b -/--/--/--/b My muse refused! In this case I listened. /-/-/-/a -/-/-/-/-/-b /-/-/-/a -/-/-/-b -/-/-/-/-/-b Now museless and unencumbered, I liked the repetition this offered and the b (/-) feminine endings. Having no idea as to message, I considered each "syl" a plunk, the downbeats the -, the upbeats the /. SEVen PLUNKS, some DOWN, some UP... eLEVen MORE to FILL this LINE comPLETEly. the best I could do now to fit words into line 3 BEATS be FOUR to FILL this CUP (someone surely would find a substitute for the second "fill", otherwise I'd leave it as weak alliteration I now had "cup" to deal with and needed to tie it into a -/-/-/-b line It was 9:20 and I was still sipping coffee and althought I take it black, there was a chance for some smiley alliteration and SUgar STIRS so SWEETly. now SALiVATE and SWIRL* and SLURP disCREETly. *replaces STIRS Rather than a burst of inspiration, my light verse is generally written this way. Somewhat like doing a crossword puzzle. Thank you all for your interest if you're still here! Cheers to All, Ron jgd ······· ······· |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Dec 8 06, 09:03
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#7
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ROLF!!
I've put poems together like that before. LOL Hopefully they come together sensibly when I'm done! Well done with yours~ Cathy 
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Dec 18 06, 03:25
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#8
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 Creative Chieftain Posts: 2,587 Joined: 9-August 03 From: Australia Member No.: 17 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry |
QUOTE(jgdittier @ Dec 6 06, 21:20 ) [snapback]88279[/snapback] Hi Ron, Seven plunks, some down, some up... ^/7 eleven more to fill this line completely...^/11 beats be four to fill this cup...^/7 and sugar stirs so sweetly.^/7 Now salivate and stir and slurp discreetly.^/11 The forms correct; if, I had criticism, I'd dispense with the ellipses's. Lira. A spanish stanza form and a special form of the cancion (qv). It consists of a combination of five eleven-syllable and seven-syllablelines rhyming ababb. The name derives from Garcilaso de la Vega's fifth cancion which begins 'Si de me baja lira'. According to J.A. Cuddon. Interesting little stanza, well explained, Ron. Your poem reads well. The form would make a rhythmic poem with extended stanzas. Regards, John  
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Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner    |
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