MM's IBPC Noms and Selections for October Comp Options

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi all,

I'd like to nominate this poem of Wally's (Thoth), Forbidden Lullaby. Not only is the form and meter used uncommon (Paeonic dimetre), the story within is just beautiful and sad at the same time - a chord that struck with me long after I had critiqued the poem.

Good luck Wally!
~Cleo


Forbidden Lullaby by Walter Schwim



Let my thoughts tonight caress you
as the moon does to the sea
with a rhythm slow and ancient
in a flowing liquid glee.

May the cycles of the cosmos
herald rising of a tide
that will float us off together
on an everlasting ride.

Hold me tightly as we venture
on our voyage though the skies
so my warmth will still surround you
when tomorrow you arise.

For by daybreak I must leave you
to atone a life of sin
until turning of the heavens
drops a key to let you in.



This post has been edited by Cleo_Serapis: Sep 22 09, 07:15

Reason for edit: Revised version posted

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Lori, I would like to nom Alan's poem, The Laughter of Children.

I thought it very apt, warm and a good use of the form. Even though I have trouble writing in form I can still appreciate them when I read them.

Steve



The Laughter of Children by Alan McAlpine Douglas


When life gets you down, you’ve gone grey-green round the gills;
every future is cancelled, you simply can’t cope,
hear the laughter of children, a cure for all ills.

Essentials have run out, never mind simple frills,
you’ve reached rude rock bottom of that slippery slope,
when life's got you down, and you’re grey-green round the gills.

In such deep depression you head for the Black Hills,
you’re completely, it seems, out of best hempen rope,
hear the laughter of children, a cure for all ills.

If, by far, cheeriest sound is massed dentists’ drills
you have scope for a tope. So is there any ? Nope !
When life's got you down, you’ve gone grey-green round the gills.

Gone are your dreams, des res built in Beverley Hills,
there’s pain, bruised your shin, and then slipped on that damn soap;
now, the laughter of children is a cure for all ills ?

Ground exceeding small, by Blake’s satanic massed mills,
and boon there is none, no intercession by Pope;
when life gets you down, you’re quite grey-green round the gills,
hear the laughter of children, my cure for all ills !

Alan McAlpine Douglas

[Cleo_Serapis]

This is a nomination I just received from Steve.

I'll send the PM to Alan now.

Cheers,
~Cleo

[Peterpan]

Hello!

I second it!

Peterpan

[Alan]

Dear Steve and Lori,

Thank you both for your contributions !


Are you the original author of this poem? YES
Has this poem ever been published? NO
Has this poem been nominated by any other participating board (of IBPC)? NO
Has this poem been reviewed as "best and final" to assure the latest revision is judged? YES
Is your email address on file up to date (what is it)? alanmdouglas@gmail.com
Do you accept the nomination to submit the work (if selected to represent MM)? YES
If yes to above question, what is your real name? MY POET'S SIGNATURE


Lori, is this all you need ?

Love
Alan

[Thoth]

Dear Lori and Bev,
Thank you both for your confidence in this one.

To be honest I did not think it was very good and considered putting in the closet but now I am forced to polish the rough edges and fine tune a little.


Hugs,

Wally

[Peterpan]

Hi Thoth~

How are you?

On reading it again...you deserve the nomination, fully. The poem is gentle, soothing and flows softly with purpose to the ultimate key.

GOOD luck.

Peterpan

[Thoth]

Thanks Lori and Bev for your support. Here is the latest revision
I hope it floats a little better now (that last strophe has been evading me.)

Hugz,
Wally

Forbidden Lullaby

Let my thoughts tonight caress you
as the moon does to the sea
with a rhythm slow and ancient
in a flowing liquid glee.

May the cycles of the cosmos
herald rising of a tide
that will float us off together
on an everlasting ride.

Hold me tightly as we venture
on our voyage though the skies
so my warmth will still surround you
when tomorrow you arise.

For by daybreak I must leave you
to atone a life of sin
until turning of the heavens
drops a key to let you in.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Oh, how lovely!

I've posted the revision above Wally. SHould you have any further changes before the 1st of next month (October), let me know!

Best of luck!
~Cleo

[Peterpan]

Best of luck, Wally - you go for South Africa!!! Put us on the map!!! :)

Bev