Hello Hellfire,
I like the style of this poem and love how it descends in form and ascends in thought. I just feel that adding a word here and breaking the line there would kind of tighten the message.
Such as in the beginning line. I don't know why, but I kind of wanted to begin the poem by saying "For what purpose" or " what purpose do these walls of fortitude offer" --- here are my suggestions in bold. Ofourse for you to toss or take. Further into the poem you use the word "absurd" which kind of hangs out alone unless you play with line breaks or punctuation, IMHO.
For what purpose are these walls of fortitude; falling like dust strewn on the wind. Absurdly insignificant when we dwell among flowery fields of delicate dreams and hearts, saturated with eternal love...
or from the 'absurd" part you could write.
Absurd... Insignificant; when we dwell among flowery fields of delicate dreams and hearts saturated with eternal love...
I like the imagery in "dwell among flowery fields" I found 'infinite" to be a mild description of the love. I also made suggestions for line breaks. Feel free to use or toss.
Lovely read.
Dani
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