Grandma's Ghost, R&M Options

[Eisa]

This is the 1st R&M I've written in a while (to think I used to write every week at one time)

Grandma’s Ghost


Atop our tree, her blooms had long unfurled;
two branches lower I’d begun to sprout.
Her ashen fronds were daily spruced, entwined
and pinned into a chignon, curled about
her nape. The floral pinafore she wore,
enveloping a slender trunk, retained
the spick and span of unpretentious garb,
for social calls and church. Her visage, grained
by seasons, always crinkled when she laughed.
Though winter’s trumpet heralded, a hint
of spring still twinkled through those chestnut eyes;
I blossomed, cherished in their kindred glint

Today, I rise to crown our tribal tree,
two scions of my own and I’m full bloomed.
My greying locks are tinted, trimmed into
a bob, to frame my washed-out face; well groomed
I glow with skin enhancements. Wearing jeans
and funky t-shirt, all the latest looks,
my pinny’s only worn to swallow up
the splashes if I’m careless when I cook.

As autumn saunters into winter, I
observe my petals pucker up and fade.
Each night I brush my trendy tendrils back -
meticulously shed all facial aids,
then gape at my reflection -- dazed I see
her laughing eyes are gazing back at me.

[Sekhmet]

Good morning Elisa - I did so enjoy the imagery of a small branch of your family tree, tipped by your, 'spic and span' Grandmother. The family tree was pruned, and now, it is you who are the family Matriarch - still bearing the traces of your Grandmother's genes.
I suppose I warm to your images, because I know nothing of my own Mother or Grandmother, no photos or letters - and I long to see something of them both in my own face - but I will not recognize it when it appears.
A lovely poem - I envy you your memories.
Hugs,
Leo

[Thoth]

A beautiful Poem Snow.
It is good to see more from you, I hope the floodgate will open soon.
The images presented were precise although at first I was a little confused by the blend of the family tree and reality. After the second read however my thoughts were aligned and everything fell into place nicely.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading the enjambed style of verse which was flawlessly presented. In the end, the message delivered was nearly identical to that of a poem I wrote some time back. That of the narrator seeing for the fist time, the image of her mother in the reflection. "Rings of Circumspection"

Your presentation was warm, personal and close to the subject, unlike mine in which was rather distanced. I loved the concept of seeing oneself sprout on the family tree.

I could see no nits for now but shall mull it over.
Thanks for offering a deep and poignant piece for us to read and reflect on the miracle of genetics.

Hugz,

Wally

[Eisa]

Good morning Elisa - I did so enjoy the imagery of a small branch of your family tree, tipped by your, 'spic and span' Grandmother. The family tree was pruned, and now, it is you who are the family Matriarch - still bearing the traces of your Grandmother's genes.
I suppose I warm to your images, because I know nothing of my own Mother or Grandmother, no photos or letters - and I long to see something of them both in my own face - but I will not recognize it when it appears.
A lovely poem - I envy you your memories.
Hugs,
Leo

Hello Leo

I am so glad you enjoyed this - it has been an idea for quite a while and recently I found the words to write.

I feel so sad that you have nothng to remind you of your own family -- you must so often wonder ...

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Hugs
Snow

[Eisa]

A beautiful Poem Snow.
It is good to see more from you, I hope the floodgate will open soon.
The images presented were precise although at first I was a little confused by the blend of the family tree and reality. After the second read however my thoughts were aligned and everything fell into place nicely.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading the enjambed style of verse which was flawlessly presented. In the end, the message delivered was nearly identical to that of a poem I wrote some time back. That of the narrator seeing for the fist time, the image of her mother in the reflection. "Rings of Circumspection"

Your presentation was warm, personal and close to the subject, unlike mine in which was rather distanced. I loved the concept of seeing oneself sprout on the family tree.

I could see no nits for now but shall mull it over.
Thanks for offering a deep and poignant piece for us to read and reflect on the miracle of genetics.

Hugz,

Wally

Hi Wally

Yes, it is good to be writing somethng new, especially in meter which used to be my forte. Lately, I've been writing more FV and missed my R&M muse. This one started off as FV, but sounded awful and as soon as I swapped to R&M, my words seemed to flow. I have no new poems in the pipeline yet, but still have plenty of oldies for revision! LOL!

I have written another revision on my heron poem if you have time to look.

Do call back if you have any suggestions come to mind for this one.

Thanks for the link to your poem wwhich I enjoyed ... and remember, Also remember Alice's poem - wonder where she is now?

Hugs
Snow

[Arnfinn]

G'day Snow,


Yep, you have filled this poem with everything.

Enjambment, monorhyme, and metre.

The verse structure goes; 12/8/6. 12-4=8; 8 minus 2=6. A pattern!

Plus an enjoyable poem.

No mistakes.

I enjoy your talent, Snow.


Regards,


John

[Eisa]

G'day Snow,


Yep, you have filled this poem with everything.

Enjambment, monorhyme, and metre.

The verse structure goes; 12/8/6. 12-4=8; 8 minus 2=6. A pattern!

Plus an enjoyable poem.

No mistakes.

I enjoy your talent, Snow.


Regards,


John

Thanks John!

Snow

[Alan]

Dear Eisa,

Just stumbled in here, and am very glad I did.

You have lost none of your mastery. Some of the leaps were at first a bit disconcerting, but once I'd gone far enough to see the pattern, they all fitted together very nicely. And the punchline is a killer !

Love
Alan

PS I too have had very little "independent" muse, so I fill the time with doing lots and lots of 10-word type challenges, and this has kept parts of the muses fully occupied, and tho others may disagree, I think some of my best poems nestle amongst the humdrum. There are dozens of these challenges right here at MM, it does not matter if the "week" they were in has passed.

I simply play around with the words until a sentence with meaning emerges, or allit perhaps, then get the muse some exercise aligning the other words with my first statement.

As I write, I have the required words in a box, move each used one to the end, and put a * after each one in the actual poem, so I know not to edit them away !

Love
Alan

[Larry]

Hi Eisa,

I've read "Grandma's Ghost" a few times and have found no nits, no puns or errors*. Your enjambment is superb and I, like Alan, feel your last line sums up the poem very nicely. It's good to see you back in Herme's once more. I think your last venture here was Sky Wars. Don't stay away so long before delighting us with another gift from your heart, mind and hand.


Larry

* Baseball season is just starting over here across the pond so I felt that the catch-all phrase for a perfect game (no hits, no runs, no errors) would be fit for a "perfect poem."

[Eisa]

Hi Alan

Thank you for your encouragement. I seem to write more FV these days, whereas I only wrote R&M at one time. I really must try a challenge, but they've really inspired me in the past. I do admire your talent in doing them.

I have a few R&M to revise - so i'll be back soon.

Snow

[Eisa]

Hi Eisa,

I've read "Grandma's Ghost" a few times and have found no nits, no puns or errors*. Your enjambment is superb and I, like Alan, feel your last line sums up the poem very nicely. It's good to see you back in Herme's once more. I think your last venture here was Sky Wars. Don't stay away so long before delighting us with another gift from your heart, mind and hand.


Larry

* Baseball season is just starting over here across the pond so I felt that the catch-all phrase for a perfect game (no hits, no runs, no errors) would be fit for a "perfect poem."

Hi Larry

Yes, it's good to be here in Herme's and I'm glad you enjoyed this one - an idea I've had for some time.

Yes - Sky Wars. Thanks for your help on that one. I'd revised it a number of times but now I feel it is complete!

I have a few more R&M I want to revise - so keep a look out.

Snow

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Eira, How wonderfully warm this peek into your life, to know that as you see yourself in your children, you can see your grandmother within your self. I too see my father and my mother in myself and my sisters, but most of all I see the large warm hearted man that pretended to be so gruff, my grandfather who we called Papa. I am papa now and how I try so hard to emulate the things he stood for, a man I won't soon forget.

Steve

[Eisa]

Eira, How wonderfully warm this peek into your life, to know that as you see yourself in your children, you can see your grandmother within your self. I too see my father and my mother in myself and my sisters, but most of all I see the large warm hearted man that pretended to be so gruff, my grandfather who we called Papa. I am papa now and how I try so hard to emulate the things he stood for, a man I won't soon forget.

Steve

When I was small I was said to look like my Dad - then as I grew up I looked so much like my Mum. Now I'm growing older I see so much of eveybody in me - and was shocked one night to see I looked so much like my Gran. (hence the poem) It's one way of remembering!

Snow

[Arnfinn]

My report.

Good poetry. Well, I mentioned this before.


New version. A delight to read.


John

[Eisa]

Thanks again John - it's great to see you.

Snow

[anaisa]

Hi Eisa,

This is an interesting and touching poem,
I enjoyed the images of your grandmother.
It's not overly emotional--and that is
difficult to do when writing about a loved one.




Karen

[Eisa]

Hi Eisa,

This is an interesting and touching poem,
I enjoyed the images of your grandmother.
It's not overly emotional--and that is
difficult to do when writing about a loved one.




Karen

Thanks Karen - I'm so glad you enjoyed this. It's the first F&M poem I've written for some time.

Snow