QUOTE (Orion @ Jun 6 07, 18:51 )
cerulean skies
a perfect springtime picture
Easter-egg-dip-dyed
Hi Jan,
Have we met in here yet? If not, the pleasures all mine, since I'm the one reaping the rewards of your lovely poem.
I've only recently been learning about haiku, so I'm probably not the best equipped here to critique your offering, but in the spirit of things, I shall be honest and try to convey what I've so-far learned(maybe learn something more myself).
Personally, I thought it was a skillful use of the 17 syllables, it uses alliteration(one of my favorite poetic devices) and has a nice rhythm.
Although the use of 17 syllables is still prevalent it is really only enforced when writing in the Japanese language. As English can convey so much more in 17, we generally use less and in fact I read one today with only 3 "Light, lights, light". Students memorizing haiku have it easy.
Also in English it is harder to use 17 without packing as in yours "a perfect springtime picture" could easily be "picture perfect spring" and say precisely the same thing.
For me there is too much action in this for a haiku. Over alliteration a little distracting, I'm often guilty of this myself. All poetic devices should be used sparingly in haiku, there are exceptions.
In terms of haiku I think the word 'perfect' tends to tell the reader instead of letting him/her make up there own mind. And perfection is of course relative.
Hope I was of some assistance, hopefully others will speak up if I've made any errors in the info I've given I'm still learning after all.
Humbly yours
Terry