My Father(edited) Options

[Guest__*]

He was diagnosed with cancer,
given six months to two years,
though we never seen him cry
we all saw the tears.

He was the one there
for me the most,
to listen to my fears
and help rid the ghosts.

He done his treatments, went into
remission ,doing well,
the problems he would have,
who knew? who could tell?

He was who would
catch me cry,
and talk to me till my
tears were dry.

Five years later , lying in a
hospital bed in the month of may,
my father stopped responding,
my father passed away.

Now here I am feeling lonely
as a mouse,
he is gone, my father,
Ronald Krause.

He didn't die alone,
a part of me died with him.                                          

By Kristi Millikan

[Guest__*]

Kristi,
This touched me more than you know.......I am in a simular situation.  I know exactly where you are coming from.  My dad is my hero.  I am touched.

BIG hugs to you.

Eve

[Charon]

Kristi,

Your father would have been honored to have a child such as you, to write such as this.

A year ago, I lost the man who became my father.  Unfortunately at the end we had drifted apart.  My real father I barely knew.  

Be thankful for what you had and above all remember the good times.

May God bless and keep you.

Butch (father to three girls)

[Guest__*]

Eve,
Sorry to hear that,it is tough to go through something
like this.
thank you

Butch,
Thank you for such kind words.Sorry to hear about you
and your father.my son and daughter(right now they're 6 and 5)
don't know who their real father is and I
hope they never will.

kmillikan

[Athena]

Hi Kristi,

First of all, Welcome to our Mosaic!

Second, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I lost my mother to cancer--two years, six surgeries, from diagnosis to death.  I lost my father to heart disease and stroke ... my only sibling, my brother, to stroke at a very young age.  Your poem had me remembering with many tears.

You've placed this poem into a critique forum so I guess you're wanting this poem to be critiqued?  It's always difficult to crit a truly personal poem like this one, but a few things do jump out at me that I'll mention.  Remember, Kristi, these are suggestions ONLY for you to use or not as you choose .. AND, this crit is about the poem ONLY, not your ability to write or anything about you personally, OK?

With that said, let's begin:

He was diagnosed with cancer,
given six months to two years,
though we never seen heard him cry
we all saw the tears.

He was the one
there for me the most,
to listen to my fears
and help rid the  me of ghosts.  

He done did his treatments,
went into remission .. was doing well,
the problems he would have,
who knew? Who could tell?

He was who would
catch me crying
and talk to me till my
tears were drying.

Five years later, lying in a
hospital bed ... in the month of may,
my father stopped responding,
my father passed away.

Now here I am,
feeling lonely as a mouse,
he is gone, my father,
Ronald Krause.  Did he have a middle name?  It might be nice to put his full name here?  What do you think?

He didn't die alone,
a part of me died with him.                                          

By Kristi Millikan

That's about it for now, Kristi.  Hope you find something you can use.  

Blessings,
Dolly  

[JLY]

Kristi,
I lost my father 3 years ago...I understand your loss...this is a wonderful tribute to your father.....I am thankful that you have been able and willing to share your emotions with us.

only a minor comment; the month of may should be May


Once again, thanks for sharing this with us.

[Guest__*]

Dolly,
Sorry to hear that,I know that must be really hard!
My mother has C.H.F. and living with me to be taken
care of,theres no telling when I'll lose her.

JLY,
Also sorry to hear bout your loss and am glad you
liked the poem.Thank you for the correction,I'm
surprised I never caught it lol.


Kristi

[Guest_Zeus²_*]

Kristi,
a hard thing to write about, but he showed you the courage to be strong, but we all lose a little of ourselves when one close passes.
Time will heal some of that.
Larry

[Guest_blondie_*]

Dear Kristi.

Hi there, and welcome to MM!  I enjoyed your heart-felt tribute about the passing of your father.   It is sometimes difficult to critique a poem of such personal matter.  But, it seems you have received some valuable critique already!  It's a pleasure to read your work.  

Have a great week!!!  :sun:

~Amy~

[Aphrodite]

He was diagnosed with cancer,
given six months to two years,
though we never seen him cry
we all saw the tears.

He was the one there
for me the most,
to listen to my fears
and help rid the ghosts.

He done his treatments, went into
remission ,doing well,
the problems he would have,
who knew? who could tell?

He was who would
catch me cry,
and talk to me till my
tears were dry.

Five years later , lying in a
hospital bed in the month of may,
my father stopped responding,
my father passed away.

Now here I am feeling lonely
as a mouse,
he is gone, my father,
Ronald Krause.

He didn't die alone,
a part of me died with him.                                          

By Kristi Millikan

Hello Kristi~

This is such an impassioned piece filled with a haunting, yet touching tone.

I too lost my Dad and hero to cancer, and although it is hard to express loss in mere words, you have done it with such heart and soul!

Although I understand completely your last line, know as I do that your Dad will always be with you.  

Dolly has given you wonderful suggestions as far as punctuation and grammar goes.  :pharoah2  :lovie:  

Blessings~
Lindi

[Siren]

Kristie,

Welcome to MM... As you see many here can understand what you have been through...

I lost my dad at the age of 14. That was 18 years ago and it's still hard to cope sometimes... I lost him unexpectedly... he was healthy and playing tennis when he had a heat attack... he was 39.

I am not in a constructive state right now... Just had to drop in a note... This touched me deeply...

Daniah