 Just Desserts, Sonnet |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -> Herme's Homilies  |
 Apr 7 19, 22:46
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#1
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 9,458 Joined: 15-June 07 From: Springfield, Louisiana Member No.: 446 Real Name: Larry D. Jennings Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Just wondered in.  |
Just Desserts
The earth is filled but still we spread like vermin. Filling up the land and building castles on the dead. Foundations are just shifting sand engorged with detritus of waste and obsolescence. Plastics ride the emerald waves which once were chaste but now they lay upon high tide dead fish and birds. A darkened stole that festers with a rotting stench now lines each shore. Embellished bowl of sewage that will never quench the thirst of gluttonous mankind. A travesty we leave behind. ·······  ·······When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers. Larry D. Jennings MM Award Winner       |
  
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Sep 13 19, 05:58
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#2
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 12,838 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
A sonnet in perfect form, but I think most of your enjambments are distracting from the great message. Inversions, as in the final line, are things of old as well. Would you consider rewriting this piece. I think it's worthy of it. treading Lightly, Daniel
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner      |
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Sep 19 19, 13:17
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#3
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 9,458 Joined: 15-June 07 From: Springfield, Louisiana Member No.: 446 Real Name: Larry D. Jennings Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Just wondered in. |
Hi Daniel,
Not sure about your problem with enjambments and the only way I might be able to alleviate that is to use the French version of 8 and 6 instead of the 3 quatrains and couplet. I wish you would clarify your statement about the inversion in the final couplet. The first line is a continuation of the sentence in the prior line and the last line is my summation or viewpoint of the way things are as I see them. Thanks for chiming in and let me know a bit more of your thoughts. Larry ······· ·······When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers. Larry D. Jennings MM Award Winner |
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Nov 13 19, 17:43
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#4
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 3,853 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Grace Galton & David Ting |
Hi Larry, great to post here again. I miss MM so much, it's the best.
As I'm no expert on sonnets, I just love yours. Up to date, Greta Thurnberg would use it, somehow or other. The first strophe is so true and perfectly written. Humankind is the most distructive animal on One Planet. Did you see the series? The earth is filled but still we spread like vermin. Filling up the land and building castles on the dead. Foundations are just shifting sand Enjoyed, wish I'd seen it before. Sylvia ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
"There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner    |
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Nov 19 19, 06:40
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#5
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 12,838 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Well, Larry, I have no idea what I was thinking that day. I think my dyslexia must have gotten the best of me and I'd become frustrated and took it out on you. Otherwise, I have no idea what I was talking about!!!
Please forgive me. sLightly embarrassed, Daniel 
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner |
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