Captive Bred Options

[Eisa]

Captive Bred  (revision2)


Wide-eyed, we wonder
with fascination
as beasts pace
inside their cages,
lush jungles exchanged
for grassland and concrete.

New birthrights ensure
captive bred creatures
never  prowl hungrily for prey
No predator will stalk
to devour them,
ripping flesh from bones.

Their unique beauty is admired,
photographed and painted
-- exhibited behind bars.



Captive Bred  (revision + new title)


We watch, wide-eyed
with fascination
the beasts that pace
inside their cages
Lush jungles were swapped
for acres of concrete.

New birthrights insure
captive creatures
never  prowl for prey
through hunger.
No predator will stalk
to devour them,
and rip flesh from bones.

Their unique beauty
is photographed and painted
-- exhibits behind bars.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Admiration (original)


Admire the beasts in the zoo
pacing inside their cages.
They’ve swapped jungle
for acres of concrete--
exhibits behind bars.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Eisa - how are you?

Brilliant to see you here again. I do hope thinks are easier now?

(I expect this might be impossible for you) but we're arranging a meeting of MMers soon in the Uk (at the moment Wiltshire / Oxfordshire looks most likely) - please look in Banter if you're interested or PM me.

Ok, your poem...

I wasn't quite sure about the perspective. It tends to suggest that the animals have a choice. However, as to the words, themselves...

You turned the "concrete jungle" cliche round really well. Excellent.

The poem is a brief punch. Many people (me included, probably) would have spent many more words saying the same thing. Well done.

The word "pacing" may be obvious after reading but as a choice for writing it works really well. I'd like to think I would have used it but I don't know - it may never have ocurred to me.

Thank you for this, Eisa.

James.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Snow

This is short sharp and with big teeth.  The question is should we admire them or feel sorry for them?  Torn from there natural invironment and dumped in a zoo for people to stare at them.

Nina

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Very well-written!  I feel kinda sorry for them.  Not able to run free any more and people staring at them day after day.  I wonder ...is their life expectancy shorter behind bars?

Cathy

[Ephiny]

Hello Eisa

This is great..so much said and described in a few lines, and even though, I haven't been to a zoo for years, it's the constant

pacing inside their cages.

that I remember.

You sum up a very thought-provoking point really well here

[Cybele]

Hello Eisa,

Lovely to see you here again.  This is a very interesting piece stating a very strong point of view.

Admire the beasts in the zoo
pacing inside their cages.
They’ve swapped jungle
for acres of concrete--
exhibits behind bars.


My only suggestion would be to change L3 to

Their birthright swapped

which I think would have even more impact.

I have to admit I am in two minds about this subject now, since I have visited quite a lot of excellent Zoos, both here and on the continent where the animals do not have to pace small cages. They now have acres of grassland.  Debatable, is the fact that since they no longer have a need to hunt they live much longer lives. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Nor do they suffer illness and disease being extremely well cared for. They are no longer governed by the law of natural selection and they all live without fear of becoming prey to other animals higher up the food chain.

From a purely selfish point of view I suppose, my passion is photography and without these new and improved Zoo parks, I should probably never see half of these animals except on film, which doesn't count.

In an age when a child, asked where milk comes, from answers 'The supermarket',  I feel that childhood would be a far bleaker place without them being able to experience close contact with all God's wonderful creatures.

But hey, that's just my opinion.   YOUR opinion is very strongly stressed and I applaud you for it.

Lovely to see you getting some time to yourself to write Eisa. Hope M is settling in.

[Eisa]

Hi Eisa - how are you?

Brilliant to see you here again. I do hope thinks are easier now?

(I expect this might be impossible for you) but we're arranging a meeting of MMers soon in the Uk (at the moment Wiltshire / Oxfordshire looks most likely) - please look in Banter if you're interested or PM me.

Ok, your poem...

I wasn't quite sure about the perspective. It tends to suggest that the animals have a choice. However, as to the words, themselves...

You turned the "concrete jungle" cliche round really well. Excellent.

The poem is a brief punch. Many people (me included, probably) would have spent many more words saying the same thing. Well done.

The word "pacing" may be obvious after reading but as a choice for writing it works really well. I'd like to think I would have used it but I don't know - it may never have ocurred to me.

Thank you for this, Eisa.

James.

Hi James

It's good to get back for a while. Things are better for me  -- but still not as good as I'd hoped. I think there will always be problems with Mum, because of her Alzheimer's.

This is a poem I wrote years ago and have never put on a forum. I don't remember why I wrote it or if I completely agree with the sentiments, but it does stimulate thought on the subject. I have a few changes I might make. I don't think I would write so concisely these days.

I'll have a look in Banter about this meeting. Time is full at the moment, but I'll see what I can do.

Good to be around again

Snow

[Eisa]

Hi Snow

This is short sharp and with big teeth.  The question is should we admire them or feel sorry for them?  Torn from there natural invironment and dumped in a zoo for people to stare at them.

Nina

Hi Nina

Food for thought,eh?

Snow

[Eisa]

Very well-written!  I feel kinda sorry for them.  Not able to run free any more and people staring at them day after day.  I wonder ...is their life expectancy shorter behind bars?

Cathy

Hi Cathy

I think their lives may even be longer when they'r looked after. Some might even become extinct left in their natural environment. Difficult decision. Thanks for adding your thoughts

Snow

[Eisa]

Hello Eisa

This is great..so much said and described in a few lines, and even though, I haven't been to a zoo for years, it's the constant

pacing inside their cages.

that I remember.

You sum up a very thought-provoking point really well here

Hi Lucie

Yes it is the constant pacing that bothers me, although I have seen some very contented looking animals too. It is a debateable subject I think. Thanks for adding your thoughts.

Snow

[Eisa]

Hello Eisa,

Lovely to see you here again.  This is a very interesting piece stating a very strong point of view.

Admire the beasts in the zoo
pacing inside their cages.
They’ve swapped jungle
for acres of concrete--
exhibits behind bars.


My only suggestion would be to change L3 to

Their birthright swapped

which I think would have even more impact.

I have to admit I am in two minds about this subject now, since I have visited quite a lot of excellent Zoos, both here and on the continent where the animals do not have to pace small cages. They now have acres of grassland.  Debatable, is the fact that since they no longer have a need to hunt they live much longer lives. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Nor do they suffer illness and disease being extremely well cared for. They are no longer governed by the law of natural selection and they all live without fear of becoming prey to other animals higher up the food chain.

From a purely selfish point of view I suppose, my passion is photography and without these new and improved Zoo parks, I should probably never see half of these animals except on film, which doesn't count.

In an age when a child, asked where milk comes, from answers 'The supermarket',  I feel that childhood would be a far bleaker place without them being able to experience close contact with all God's wonderful creatures.

But hey, that's just my opinion.   YOUR opinion is very strongly stressed and I applaud you for it.

Lovely to see you getting some time to yourself to write Eisa. Hope M is settling in.

Hi Grace

Lovely to hear from you

I am also in two minds about this one. I think zoos generally better than they used to be and there are many safari parks now. However I  did visit a zoo a few years ago where I did see animals `pacing' and I think this is where this poem came from. I posted it to see what others thought. I think creatures bred in captivity certainly know no other life anyway -- and as a breeder of cornsnakes and leapard geckos I really should be defending zoos, don't you think? LOL!!

I'll email you as soon as I get a few minutes
Love Snow

Thanks for the suggetion -- I think it is a good one

[Eisa]

Hi Everyone

I decided to fill this one out a bit and give it a new title

Snow

[Guest__*]

Dear Snow,

You have developed this nicely, and it says so much more now.

I liked it so much I wrote a "mirror" poem, which I will post here when time has elapsed since my last post.

I wrote my mirror, then RE-wrote yours to match it, but hesitate to put it up cuz it amends your quite a lot, and I think that would be naughty of me.

Both mine were totally inspired by yours, and keep to the same theme.

Well done !

Love
Alan

PS Would you like me to change the title in the intro-bar ?

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Eisa,

I would suggest that you have two distinct poems here, sharing the same Genesis. Rather than bury the original under the new I would declare them as alternatives - variations on a theme, each entitled to appreciation / criticism in their own right.

james.

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Eisa,

They certainly are very different, though one can see the overlaps and development, which is fascinating.

Fran

[JustDaniel]

Ah, it's so hard for me to crit free verse, precisely because there are SO many options... as you've demoonstrated in such an extensive revision. In fact, I'd never even SEEN the original... just the version in between...
Hmmm, let's see; let me move this one over to that cage... this one to the free range...

Captive Bred  (revision)

We watch wonder, wide-eyed
with fascination
the as beasts that pace
inside their cages[,]
Lush jungles were swapped
for acres of within concrete
in exchange
for their lush jungles.

New birthrights insure
more captive creatures
won’t prowl hungrily for prey.
through hunger
No predator will stalk
to devour them,
and ripping flesh from bones.

Their unique beauty abides,
is photographed and painted
-- exhibiteds behind bars.

Just my immediate impressions, Snow!

in Light of the moment, Daniel  

[Eisa]

Hey Alan

I'm looking forward to reading your mirror poem. It feels good to know that this has inspired you.  :sun:


Love Snow

[Eisa]

Hi Eisa,

I would suggest that you have two distinct poems here, sharing the same Genesis. Rather than bury the original under the new I would declare them as alternatives - variations on a theme, each entitled to appreciation / criticism in their own right.

james.

Hi Jox

Yes I think you are right. I have revised poems before and ended up with a different poem, so have kept both versions to be read in their own right.



Snow

[Eisa]

Hi Eisa,

They certainly are very different, though one can see the overlaps and development, which is fascinating.

Fran

Hi there Fran

Yes they are different. I have a habit of starting free verse and ending up with a different poem.

Snow

[Eisa]

Hi Daniel

Well you are doing a very good job of criting free verse. This has been very helpful and another revision will be coming up soon.

Snow