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Don't Ever Fear..., a villanelle |
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Aug 13 06, 05:49
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,578
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Don’t Ever Fear...Don’t ever fear a villanelle to write. It’s fear itself’s the enemy of thought… it’s truth… ‘twill whisper on throughout the night. Though free men flaunt their wisdom… (It’s their right) their rationale with holes throughout is fraught. Don’t ever fear a villanelle to write. Free-babblers wave their manuscripts bedight kaleidoscopic’ly… their hues besot. It’s truth… ‘twill whisper on throughout the night. Wild men who moon the sun… (They aren’t right!) may learn at last they’ve grieved what they were taught; Don’t ever fear a villanelle to write. Grave men, near death may see a baffling light; blind ears could blaze with meter; they’ll have caught its truth; ‘twill whisper on throughout the night. And you there, dancing gaily in your tights constrained by freedom, let me tell you what: Don’t ever fear a villanelle to write…. its truth will whisper on throughout the night. © MLee Dickens’son 13 Aug 2006
Mused by Dylan Thomas' Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night and Nina's Destiny Unforeseen
This post has been edited by JustDaniel: Aug 25 07, 15:17
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Aug 13 06, 11:10
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter
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Hi Daniel, Excellent execution of form and creative skill. I have read through this several times, and will be back with a more thought out critique, but such is right now, the ONLY thing I could see that I would suggest a slight change is in the repeat line ... QUOTE it’s truth… ‘twill whispers on throughout the night. I would suggest omitting the 's' on whispers, making it it's truth...'twill whisper on throughout the night. I think you left that intentionally to give us something to suggest! Best to you, Liz
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Aug 13 06, 12:39
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,578
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Thanks for that heads up, Liz... and for the compliment in which it's contained. That little matter (in the slightly changed line) did excape my notice when I made the switch. It certainly was not intentional but a bold-faced mistake! I also hope that you found the chuckling and winking in my faux slam-dunk of my much-appreciated free-verse mentors here! deLightin' in the sharin', Daniel
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Aug 13 06, 17:34
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter
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QUOTE (JustDaniel @ Aug 13 06, 17:39 ) [snapback]80973[/snapback] Thanks for that heads up, Liz... and for the compliment in which it's contained. That little matter (in the slightly changed line) did excape my notice when I made the switch. It certainly was not intentional but a bold-faced mistake! I also hope that you found the chuckling and winking in my faux slam-dunk of my much-appreciated free-verse mentors here! deLightin' in the sharin', Daniel Hi Daniel, Yes I noted it. I was kidding around, making light, didn't really think it was intentional. The poem, to my minds eye and ear is near as perfect as I can see at this point. Each line is strong and the repeat lines are powerful. And the only thing I could see was that one tiny little s sitting there... LOL And just wanted to make jest of it, because the poem was so near perfect. I will be back to give a fuller commentary... even if it is to only leave feedback on meaning and interpretation. :) Best to you, Liz
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Guest_Nina_*
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Aug 14 06, 00:00
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Guest
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Hi Daniel Well done with this villanelle. You make it look so easy. It amazes me how quickly you wrote this, it took ages to write mine. I can't say I've ever been afraid of writing a villanelle or any other form. It's more that I don't enjoy the jigsaw puzzle of trying to slot in words to fit the form. Often I find it too much of a compromise. QUOTE Don’t ever fear a villanelle to write. As a personal taste, I'm not very keen on sentence inversion though I know it can be difficult to avoid sometimes: QUOTE It’s fear itself’s the enemy of thought… Do you need the first "It's" because the sentence doesn't quite make sense: It is fear itself is the enemy of thought whereas Fear itself is the enemy of thoughtMy only other confusion is with It's and its on your repeat line. In V1 and v3 you've used it's and in V5 and V6 you have itsNina
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Aug 14 06, 08:36
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,578
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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QUOTE (AMETHYST @ Aug 13 06, 18:34 ) [snapback]80988[/snapback] Hi Daniel, Yes I noted it. I was kidding around, making light, didn't really think it was intentional. The poem, to my minds eye and ear is near as perfect as I can see at this point. Each line is strong and the repeat lines are powerful. And the only thing I could see was that one tiny little s sitting there... LOL And just wanted to make jest of it, because the poem was so near perfect. I will be back to give a fuller commentary... even if it is to only leave feedback on meaning and interpretation. :) Best to you, Liz ... and I'll look forward to your interpretation... as always... deLightingly, Daniel
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Aug 14 06, 08:54
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,578
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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OOPS! I just noticed that there was a period [now edited out] that didn't belong after 'caught' in S5. Must have been a leftover from an earlier version ? skatin' through Lightly, Daniel
This post has been edited by JustDaniel: Aug 25 07, 15:21
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Aug 25 07, 15:27
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,578
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Sheesh... I did it again. Twice in one day! I hit EDIT in the previous text, and thinking that I'd hit REPLY, I deleted all the quotation... thus deleting my response to Nina... which was not recoverable. Let me simply say, regarding ITS and IT'S... the variation is intentional. Many times in villanelle I use words differently in the repeated lines for the sake of variation and emphasis. In fact, I often chose a pair of lines that are capable of meaning different things if punctuated differently or added to preceding or following lines in varying ways. sLightly embarrassed again, Daniel
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Aug 25 07, 16:02
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Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
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Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep
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Hi Daniel,
You might want to try using the 'add reply' button by scrolling to the bottom of the last post in any thread, instead of clicking 'edit' within a reply; unless you mean to QUOTE reply, in which case you would click the " reply button (far one to the right, instead of 'edit' which is to it's left. Thanksfully, members (non-staff) cannot edit other member's replies, only your own. Please be more careful. Editing changes cannot be recovered.
~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Aug 25 07, 16:06
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,578
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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You're absolutely right, Lori... and that's just what I did... but I inadvertently clicked the wrong TAB... and just deleted what I was thinkiing was the QUOTE part and then proceded to REPLY... but alas it was in EDIT mode... I did it earlier today. It's no one's fault but my own. It's just embarrassing and frustrating... but life goes on! Lightly, Daniel
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Aug 25 07, 16:09
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Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep
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Yeah, it happens to us all from time to time. At least this older tile gets a bump...
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Sep 3 07, 13:42
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,578
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Yes... bumps are ta help us get rid o' them in the poems. I do hope to accomplish that with some help! Lightly, Daniel
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