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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse  |
 May 31 16, 17:17
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#1
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 Assyrian  Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy  |
Revised
The moon has purged herself, airborne particles of Angel's fluff block the clouds as if to besmirch visibility. The solitary piper can only serenade past glories, everything feels like a stumble into the unknown, as if we moved under a toadstool, hoping for light amongst the wilted souls. ORIGINAL The moon has purged itself, airborne particles of Angel's fluff block the clouds as if to besmirch memory. The solitary trumpeter can only serenade past glories, everything feels like a stumble into the unknown, as if we moved into a tenement, still hoping to convey light to the wilted souls. ·······  ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Jun 1 16, 00:44
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#2
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,983 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Hi Antony, Lovely first stanza. The imagery is splendid, I can imagine it in a modern painting. The moon has purged itself, <<<<<don't you like 'herself'? The moon is traditionally feminine. airborne particles of Angel's fluff blocks the clouds <<<<<I think it's 'block', singular, because the entire preceding line is the subject, with 'airborne' the chief word. as if to besmirch memory. I'm not sure I get your meaning, as usual. Sorry. The trumpeter makes me think of honoring a dead soldier, but then it goes on to moving into tenements to convey light, etc. I'm also stumbling into the unknown, Antony! Cheers, Syl  ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
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Jun 1 16, 08:54
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#3
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Assyrian Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy |
The poem is about something going awry with the world and these are the observations of the perplexed
······· ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Jun 2 16, 15:30
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#4
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 Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
as if we moved under a toadstool,
hoping for light amongst the wilted souls. Beautiful imagery Antony Eira ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner    |
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Jun 7 16, 02:27
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#5
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 8,983 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Wow, Antony! Your revision has many changes. I like it very much.
And thanks for explaining the meaning of your poem to me. The world is certainly going awry, and we are the 99% perplexed population. To think a bunch of powerful, rich lobbyists can do such harm while we stand by...confused and wondering. Scary. Congrats, Antony! Syl QUOTE (greenwich @ Jun 1 16, 10:54 )  The poem is about something going awry with the world and these are the observations of the perplexed ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
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Jun 7 16, 13:18
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#6
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Assyrian Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy |
And the Angels are confused too.Goodness seems a hard act to follow nowadays
······· ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Jun 9 16, 14:20
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#7
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Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Thanks for an explanation of your poem, Antony, it helps make everything clearer. I've really enjoyed coming back to read this again.
Eira ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner |
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