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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse  |
  Sep 19 16, 15:46
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#1
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,882 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting  |
On Milky Way evenings I gravitate through phantasmal portals hoping to discern death’s wiles. Not Death. Just death skulking, sluggish, oh, so slowly, into outsized eyes ogling me from puffed up pillows. I imagine awe of God in those orbs. A hapless plea of… When? Soon? Lampshade eyes defeat dementia. Aware, they know all. Beg all. Soundless speech. Death tugs hard at love’s heartstrings: rally with me to the far side, those pupils suggest connections may continue. My thoughts fuse with mirrored eyes. Mine – the Other’s I’m not sure who is questioning. Pathetic doubts. Mine? Busybody peeks over my shoulder. - What are you writing? I write what I see. - Best keep it to yourself. Yes. - Death is unpopular. (Must take notes secretly) Of course. Only Sylvia Plath handled it well. - Who? (My sympathy to Sisyphus: umpteen rocks roll down my allocated hill) “Dying Is an art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well. I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real. I guess you could say I’ve a call.” * Holding a fragile, veined hand on eiderdown valleys, our communal eyes devise destiny’s last station. *(Excerpt from Sylvia Plath’s Lady Lazarus) By Psyche, Bariloche, Argentina. 2016. ·······  ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
  
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Sep 19 16, 16:13
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#2
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 Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hi Syl,
This is such a moving poem. I feel I may have read it before, but there is so much to like here. Lampshade eyes soundless speech I love the busybody peering over your shoulder and note written secretly. The only nit I have at the moment is that there are a few too many descriptions of eyes into outsized eyes ogling me Lampshade eyes defeat dementia. My thoughts fuse with mirrored eyes. our communal eyes I may read this again tomorrow and feel completely different. It's good to read your work again. Hugs Eira ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner    |
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Sep 23 16, 01:06
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#3
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 8,882 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
OMG, Eisa, you're so right. I never realised that I'd repeated "eyes" so many times.
I think I know why that happened. It's probably wrong to say it here, but Carlos's eyes remained the only function with which he could communicate at the end. They really stood out of his thin face. Very large. I'll return to fix that. Tx for reading it, hugs, Syl  QUOTE (Eisa @ Sep 19 16, 18:13 )  Hi Syl, This is such a moving poem. I feel I may have read it before, but there is so much to like here. Lampshade eyes soundless speech I love the busybody peering over your shoulder and note written secretly. The only nit I have at the moment is that there are a few too many descriptions of eyes into outsized eyes ogling me Lampshade eyes defeat dementia. My thoughts fuse with mirrored eyes. our communal eyes I may read this again tomorrow and feel completely different. It's good to read your work again. Hugs Eira ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
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Sep 26 16, 18:35
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#4
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 Assyrian  Posts: 250 Joined: 1-November 15 Member No.: 5,282 Real Name: richard chase Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Rhapsody |
Syl - I like the way this opens and then delves deeply into mystery and a haunting take on existence. I'm still not up to getting into heavy deep criticism, but do like this very much. RC
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Oct 4 16, 16:23
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#5
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 8,882 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Thanks so much for reading, Richard. Don't worry about deep crits, take care of yourself and I'm grateful for your remarks. It takes time to recover, time to focus on oneself and maybe creative interests, even painting.
Syl QUOTE (RC James @ Sep 26 16, 20:35 ) Syl - I like the way this opens and then delves deeply into mystery and a haunting take on existence. I'm still not up to getting into heavy deep criticism, but do like this very much. RC ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
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