 Hope you are my wings Revision, Scope of Nature |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse  |
 May 25 16, 11:16
Post
#1
|
|
 Assyrian  Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy  |
Revised
Whilst waiting at the station, I feel the cold seep through my coat, my shoes equally follow. Yet for all of this we live in a palace where beyond our comforts the joy of a kind voice is as reawakening as the bird song, our garden with Hellebores compliments this wonderment. Who needs bells and whistles? they only compact bearing. The firmament our kingdom, faith in nature our beholden. ORGINAL I feel the cold seep through my coat, my shoes equally follow. Yet for all of this we live in a palace where beyond our comforts the joy of a kind voice is as reawakening as the bird song, our garden with Hellebores compliments this wonderment. Who needs bells and whistles? they only compact bearing. The firmament our kingdom, faith in nature our beholden. ·······  ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
|
  
|
|
|
May 26 16, 00:08
Post
#2
|
|
 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,882 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Hi Antony, Interesting read. I had to look up Hellebores. I don't believe we have them in the S.H. Always learning from your poems. As usual, I have some trouble guessing where you are going. But the word usage is lovely, so I'll have to be satisfied unless you have the patience to explain a little to me... That would be much appreciated! Syl 
······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
|
|
|
|
May 26 16, 10:57
Post
#3
|
|
|
Assyrian Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy |
The poem is about appreciating nature
The first line deals with feeling cold. This is designed to relate to feeling mortal. However from this is a sense of appreciation for nature and human goodness is compared to the tranquility of a bird song. Bells and whistles represents modernity the continual search for the best gear However the poem ends by conforming the debt we owe to nature and its beauty. ······· ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
|
|
|
|
|
May 26 16, 16:31
Post
#4
|
|
 Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
I feel the cold seep through my coat, my shoes equally follow. Yet for all of this we live in a palace where beyond our comforts the joy of a kind voice is as reawakening as the bird song, our garden with Hellebores compliments this wonderment. Who needs bells and whistles? they only compact bearing. The firmament our kingdom, faith in nature our beholden. This is quite philosophical, Antony. I love the first lines and I feel he cold with your words. I had to look up hellebores too  Good to learn new words.Eira ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner    |
|
|
|
|
May 29 16, 01:02
Post
#5
|
|
|
Ornate Oracle Posts: 8,882 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Thanks a lot for the explanation, Antony. I still appreciate your poem, which has profound meanings.
On the other hand, I feel that you've gathered together both hermetic and metaphorical lines in a way that impedes the reader's understanding of your poem. I love metaphors, similes, dual meanings, etc., but when it all has to be explained, then I find that a bit of clarity is in order. No offense meant, perhaps it's just me.  Keep 'em coming, all the same! Syl QUOTE (greenwich @ May 26 16, 12:57 )  The poem is about appreciating nature The first line deals with feeling cold. This is designed to relate to feeling mortal. However from this is a sense of appreciation for nature and human goodness is compared to the tranquility of a bird song. Bells and whistles represents modernity the continual search for the best gear However the poem ends by conforming the debt we owe to nature and its beauty. ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
|
|
Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 27th April 2024 - 15:39 |
Read our FLYERS - click below
|
| more Quotes |
| ||
|
|
|
|
