 Angry Seed |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse  |
 May 3 16, 14:43
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#1
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 Assyrian  Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy  |
It's about an angry seed
that blew in range. How it got impatient for permanent change. Wants to impair your DNA, roll you over for all your worth, Eventually tell your children what they didn’t need to know The helplessness of generational inheritance ·······  ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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May 3 16, 17:49
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#2
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hi Antony,
Should the first line be 'It's about an angry seed'? Anyway, I feel it would be more direct/concise to start An angry seed blew in range. It got impatient for permanent change It about an angry seed that blew in range. How it got impatient for permanent change. Wants to impair your DNA, roll you over for all your worth, Eventually tell your children what they didn’t need to know The helplessness of generational inheritance I like the idea here but think it is a bit telly. Show don't tell Eira ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner            |
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May 4 16, 01:30
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#3
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Assyrian Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy |
Thank you Eira.
······· ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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May 4 16, 23:46
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#4
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 8,882 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Hi Antony,
My, this is a short poem but I sense the drama in it. I understand it relates to some gene that's passed down in the family. An inherited illness. And the drama of letting the children know how this comes to pass. That they are liable to have that 'impaired DNA'. A question of fate. No free will in these matters. Good poem, good statement. And you have some nice rhymes. QUOTE (greenwich @ May 3 16, 16:43 )  It's about an angry seed that blew in range. How it got impatient for permanent change. Wants to impair your DNA, roll you over for all your worth, <<<<<<full stop here? Eventually tell your children what they didn’t need to know<<<<<Also here? The helplessness of generational inheritance ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner      |
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