Dissecting the human brain., What would you find? Options

[Guest_codger_*]

I have been told many times that I was brainless, or brain dead, so I decided to have a closer look and see if my accusers were correct.
My first conclusion was that if I was brain dead then I wouldn’t feel any pain when I investigated, the same applies to being brainless of course!

I stood with a large mirror in front, and one behind, and made a large incision across my cranium. I made a large one just in case---

Well there was certainly something there and obviously now I had to proceed with caution. To dissect, I had to remove first, and even I knew that if I damaged my Medulla Oblongata, my respiration, heartbeat, strength and blood pressure would be in deep trouble. I had obviously to take great care of the brain stem!

I removed and dissected the Cerebellum first; this controls muscular and limb movement, as I am sure you will know. I proceeded very slowly. Obviously I had to be able to put it back together later.

Next was the Cerebrum, all sorts of things happened then; I started to cry when I remembered all the bad behaviour that I thought I had might have been involved in. It was a good job that I had two bits of Cerebrum---because one of them fell on the floor, and I couldn’t remember what it looked like, or where it had gone.

I then decided to investigate the Synapses and Neurotransmitters to see if I could find out why, when I told myself to do something, I usually did it wrong, tripped up, or got things the wrong way round.

By now I was feeling extremely confident, and decided to risk it and go for the Cerebral Cortex. This of course is the real grey matter, and in higher mammals, (don’t know if that includes me I am 5-11) it develops folds in unassigned areas. These folds represent intelligence, personality, and higher mental faculties. I didn’t expect to find much here; and I was right--even though I had a good poke round.
I then dissected the two small areas at the left side of the brain that I knew were to do with languages. When I opened up, I found all these bloody French, Spanish, and German words all mixed up together. No wonder I always had trouble speaking them.
The English words were in a different place; and were all very short. There wasn't a great deal of them either I'm afraid!

I then dissected the Brocas’s area (speech) this didn’t seem to have much inside which probably explains why I talk such rubbish.
Next I chopped into Wernicke’s section, this as you are no doubt all aware (being smart asses) is the bit to do with comprehension of the spoken and written word. Needless to say I found nothing of interest in this bit.

Now I had a right bloody mess on my hands, but never the less I set about trying to put it all back together. It took me a few hours—I was working through a mirror remember. I now realise that I must have put it all back in the wrong way round.  When I try to lift my left arm, my right one comes up, and when I try to walk with my left foot first, my right leg leaps out----

Mais allus ist richtig avec mio abla el parabla Espania und das Francais avec el deautch ich denka! Did I get that right?

I of course have one big advantage now, because if anybody attempts that frontal lobotomy that I have been threatened with on numerous occasions, I will bet my bottom dollar they go in at the wrong place.

© Gerald Finlay, 2003, All Rights Reserved.

[Guest_Zeus²_*]

Gerry,
thought I told you not to play pathologist anymore
Very entertaining and your fluency in languages has not changed.
Larry  :jester:

[Guest_codger_*]

Larry,
      I just had to have a peep before it was too late.

      I didn't expect to find anything---  

      Believe it or not, I used to be fluent in four languages  

      As you know I struggle with English know    

      I think "brain" in the title has put readers off this ???   ???

      Nice to see you around  

[Guest_RonPrice_*]

Dear Codger

I don't think all the references of parts of the brain puts people off(well maybe some people). But in this more scientific age, the use of the various disciplines of science in our writing I think helps us connect with millions who don't want to read "stories" about detectives, complex family and love relationships, etc. And if you do it with humour then you've got one of the tickets to success--in some form-in the marketplace.-RonPrice, Tasmania

[Guest_ferns_*]

Enticing, readable, and very very clever.    I loved your descriptions here.  I am an MT (Medical Transcriptionist) and this is fabulous.  Didn't put me off one bit.  I've been known to munch my lunch whilst typing a colonoscopy.  It goes with the territory.  lol  Nobody knows de troubles I've heard!  Unbelievable.  Great read.  Thanks...

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Gerald,  

Not sure how, but I'd missed this - thanks ferns! - so dropped by to say I enjoyed very much indeed. I used to be a RA in a neuroscience lab and help in practicals - luckily only with plastic brains, not real ones.    

It was the blind leading the blind: my anatomy memory was hopeless so I used the crib sheets all the time.

I of course have one big advantage now, because if anybody attempts that frontal lobotomy that I have been threatened with on numerous occasions, I will bet my bottom dollar they go in at the wrong place.

Fran

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi all,

I regret that Old Codger doesn't seem to be around any more. I had an e-mail chat with him about six months ago but he's gone to pastures new. (Gerry himself was well, by the way).

So I'm afraid he may not see your comments.

No reason at all not to comment but I fear you won't receive an answer.

Go on, Gerry, look in one day and prove me wrong!

J.

[Guest_codger_*]

Jox, I hate to prove you wrong???
A big thank you to all who posted a reply to this post.
I wish you all Peace and Happiness.  

Codger  'Gerry' :)

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Gerry.

Good to see you again!

May you experience peace and happiness too this coming season and more!

Cheers!
~Cleo