December's Dreams, a 10 x 10 challenge posting Options

[JLY]

1st Revision: 12/12

DECEMBER’S DREAMS

Leaden wintry skies
seep gelid vapors
in a frosty disguise.

Fluttering flakes blanket
fractured pavements
in a snow-covered jacket.

Slow-moving mini glacier
of pendent icy spheres
forms crystal chandelier.

Heaps of fluffy mounds
like velvet white powder
mask garden’s frozen grounds.

Chimneys’ billowing smoke
shrouds crisp, dry air
with a campfire cloak.

Horse-drawn sleighs
carry nestled travelers
to a holiday soiree.

Ornamental reindeer
guard village square;
our festive frontier.

Marshmallows floating
in steamy hot cocoa;
a palate’s warm coating.

Figure-skating lovers
in bright red stockings
bask in twilight’s cover.

Children’s joyful gleams
transcend parents’
blessed peaceful dreams.

On this festive eve
of twinkling white lights
we choose to believe.

DECEMBER’S DREAMS

Leaden wintry skies
ooze gelid vapors
in a frosty disguise.

Fluttering flakes blanket
fractured pavements
in a snow-covered jacket.

Slow moving mini glacier
of pendent icy spheres
forms a crystal chandelier.

Heaping fluffy mounds
of white velvety powder
mask garden’s frozen grounds.

Chimney’s billowing smoke
filters crisp dry air
with a campfire cloak.

Horse drawn sleighs
carry nestled travelers
to a holiday soiree.

Ornamental reindeer
guard village square,
our festive frontier.

Marshmallows floating
in steamy hot cocoa,
a palate’s warm coating.

Figure-skating lovers
in bright red stockings
bask in twilight’s cover.

Children’s joyful gleams
transcend parent’s
blessed peaceful dreams.

On this festive eve
of twinkling white lights
we all choose to believe.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi John.

A few suggestions (though, please remember, they may well destroy any R&M)

{-}[+] (Comments)

DECEMBER’S DREAMS

Leaden wintry skies
ooze gelid vapors ("gelid" - new word for me - thanks, John.)
in a frosty disguise.

Fluttering flakes blanket (Good allit.)
fractured pavements
in a snow-covered jacket.

Slow moving mini glacier (Is slow-moving hyphenated?)
of pendent icy spheres
forms {a} crystal chandelier.

Heaping fluffy mounds
of white velvety powder (Not sure two 'y' endings work - just "velvet" maybe?)
mask garden’s frozen grounds.

Chimney’s billowing smoke (What about plural chimneys to give a community feel?)
filters crisp[,] dry air
with a campfire cloak.

Horse drawn sleighs (Is horse-drawn hyphenated? - I hyphenate everything so take care!)
carry nestled travelers (Is travellers spelt correctly? - may be a US / UK thing)
to a holiday soiree.

Ornamental reindeer
guard village square{,}[;]
our festive frontier.

Marshmallows floating
in steamy hot cocoa{,}[;]
a palate’s warm coating.

Children’s joyful gleams
transcend parent’s (is this only one set of parents? Plural better?)
blessed peaceful dreams. (Best rhyme of poem - well done)

On this festive eve
of twinkling white lights
we all choose to believe. (very philosophical ending - like that. Believe in what? is the question which hangs interestingly - well done).

Thanks John - interesting poem.

J.

[JLY]

James,
Thanks for your well thought our comments.  I could always use a helping hand when it comes to hyphenating words and you seem to be quite good at that.
This poem has a few rough edges and your input will help me move it in the right direction.
JLY

[AMETHYST]

Hi John,

As always your skill in providing your reader with unique images and descriptions which come to llife. The season's characteristics are sharp. The word choices are wonderfully thought out. Many are fresh and bring a nice change to an old theme. Some further thoughts to follow. Good wintry working!

Hugs, Liz

DECEMBER’S DREAMS

Leaden wintry skies
ooze gelid vapors
in a frosty disguise.

Is ooze really the word best fitting? I love the word gelid, and the rhymes are as smooth as butter to my ear. Perhaps a considerate substitute for ooze might be seep..

Leaden wintry skies
seep gelid vapors
in a frosty disguise.




Fluttering flakes blanket
fractured pavements
in a snow-covered jacket.

As Jox mentioned, wonderful alliteration. Strong image, and nice use of metaphorical imagery.. snow-covered jacket... and fractured pavements, paint a strong picture in my mind.


Slow moving mini glacier
of pendent icy spheres
forms a crystal chandelier.

Again, this is lovely. The sounds blend so softly with each other, the images are fresh and active. All assets that make this poem worth the read.


Heaping fluffy mounds
of white velvety powder
mask garden’s frozen grounds.

Perhaps...
Heaps of fleecy mounds
like velvet white powder
mask garden's frozen grounds.

Just a thought.

Chimney’s billowing smoke
filters crisp dry air
with a campfire cloak.

Again. Nice... very vivid.

Horse drawn sleighs
carry nestled travelers
to a holiday soiree.

Jox already mentioned the double L of travellers, Loved the ending line here.
Ornamental reindeer
guard village square,
our festive frontier.

Marshmallows floating
in steamy hot cocoa,
a palate’s warm coating.

Figure-skating lovers
in bright red stockings
bask in twilight’s cover.

Children’s joyful gleams
transcend parent’s
blessed peaceful dreams.

Another word besides blessed. Feels awkward. Perhaps...
Children's joyful gleams
transcend their parent's
schemes in peaceful dreams.

Again, just an example to show what I mean..



On this festive eve
of twinkling white lights
we all choose to believe.

A lovely ending. All the things that I so remember, and often long for again make up this lovely compilation of an old fashioned Holiday time--and the ending sums that gift up like a tidy bow.

Great work, John... HUgs, Liz

PS I MISS LARRY SO VERY MUCH!

[JLY]

Liz,
Thank you so much. I appreciate each and every comment and your gentle tweaks will greatly enhance this holiday piece.
Memories of Larry's wit keeps me smiling as I write and participate here at MM.
JLY

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi John

You paint a lovely warm romantic picture of the Christmas period in a village.  There is an old-fashioned feel to it, when Christmas seemed much simpler and less materialistic.

Leaden wintry skies
ooze gelid vapors   ..like James, I'd never heard of gelid before and one I shall definitely have to try and remember.
in a frosty disguise.

Fluttering flakes blanket
fractured pavements
in a snow-covered jacket. ...lovely imagery and alliteration

Slow moving mini glacier
of pendent icy spheres
forms a crystal chandelier.

Heaping fluffy mounds
of white velvety powder
mask garden’s frozen grounds.

Chimney’s billowing smoke
filters crisp dry air  ..Having just witnessed the sky here being covered in a thick dark cloud of smoke from a massive oil explosion about 25 miles away, I'm not sure filters is the right word here, perhaps shrouds or envelops
with a campfire cloak.

Horse[-]drawn sleighs
carry nestled travelers
to a holiday soiree.

Ornamental reindeer
guard village square,
our festive frontier.

Marshmallows floating
in steamy hot cocoa,
a palate’s warm coating. ...mmm sounds lovely

Figure-skating lovers
in bright red stockings
bask in twilight’s cover.

Children’s joyful gleams
transcend parent’s  ...I agree with James that parents should be plural
blessed peaceful dreams.

On this festive eve
of twinkling white lights
we all choose to believe.


Well done with this.

Nina

[JLY]

Nina,
Many thanks.  We are watching the goings on in the London area on our news this morning and hopefully none of you are directly affected by it.
JLY

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi John

Thankfully we are far enough away not to be affected other than the sky overhead being covered in a dark smokey wispy clouds.

Nina

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi John,

Add me to the list of persons learning a new worthwhile word to remember, gelid.

This strikes me as an impressive list of pastoral images related to winter in northern regions.  You demonstrate a fertile memory to have snapshots of so many.

Thanks for the pleasent read.

Don  

[JLY]

Don,
Thank you. Living in the Northeast, I am beseiged with visions of wintry things to write about.
JLY

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi John,

You've created such beautiful images with this!  I've enjoyed every bit of it.  Winter can be so lovely, it's just too bad it has to be so cold to go along with it.  lol

Leaden wintry skies
ooze gelid vapors  What about 'mist gelid vapors'?
in {a} frosty disguise.

Fluttering flakes blanket
fractured pavements
in {a} snow-covered jacket.

Slow[-]moving mini glacier
of pendent icy spheres  Is 'pendent' referring to a necklace?  If so, it should be 'pendant'.
forms {a} crystal chandelier.

Heap[ed]{ing} fluffy mounds
of white velvet{y} powder
mask garden’s frozen grounds.

Chimney’s billowing smoke
filters crisp dry air
with a campfire cloak.

Horse[-]drawn sleighs
carry nestled travelers
to a holiday soiree.

Ornamental reindeer
guard village square,
our festive frontier.

Marshmallows floating
in steamy hot cocoa,
a palate’s warm coating. Could also say: 'warmly coating palates'.

Figure-skating lovers
in bright red stockings
bask in twilight’s cover.

Children’s joyful gleams
transcend parent’s
blessed peaceful dreams.

On this festive eve
of twinkling white lights
we {all} choose to believe.

Beautiful wintry dream!

Cathy

[JLY]

Cathy,
Thanks for your suggestions, but my reference to pendent
is based upon the definition and has nothing to do with a necklace.

I have to keep coating as the last line to keep my rhyme sequence.

Glad you enjoyed my winter diversion.

JLY