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Why, Night? |
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Guest_blondie_*
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Feb 24 04, 23:36
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Why, Night?
Why, night, must you entrap me with your sickening hug of coldness as I cry? Why, night, do you hold me in your ghastly grip of loneliness? Your touch has failed me, holding no comfort. Release me, for I want you no more. I would rather grasp his frigid hand and wipe away my own tears.
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Guest_blondie_*
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Feb 26 04, 12:13
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Dear Gerry,
Thanks so much for reading!
I appreciate your kind and uplifting comments! :)
~Amy~
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Guest_Zeus˛_*
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Feb 26 04, 16:57
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Amy, great how you expressed being caught between a rock and hard place. Interesting metaphors. Gets the point across. Larry
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Guest_blondie_*
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Feb 29 04, 18:07
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Hi Larry. :)
Thanks so much for your gracious comments. I appreciate and am glad you enjoyed!
~Amy~
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Mar 1 04, 03:54
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 1,547
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Jeddah, Saudi Arabia
Member No.: 13
Real Name: Daniah
Writer of: Poetry
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Amy,
WOW! This is impressive... I adore it... the starkness of emotion shines through clearly...
great write sweetie
Daniah
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Mar 1 04, 05:21
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 427
Joined: 5-August 03
From: Oregon, USA
Member No.: 8
Real Name: Dolly
Writer of: Poetry
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Ohhhhh Amy! After too many deaths in my life I lived through so many night hauntings as this marvelously expressive poem portrays. Those nights are no longer a part of my world, but I survived through many, many dastardly difficult loooonnnnnnnnnggg ones, steadfastly willing the dawn to find me. And, they did ... each dawn whisper-kissed from God found me and bathed me with hope.
Wonderful poem, girl!
Dolly
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Guest_blondie_*
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Mar 1 04, 12:03
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Hi Daniah!
So glad you enjoyed this one. :) This was one of those that appeared on paper in a matter of minutes.
Thanks for your sweet comments!
~Amy~
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Guest_blondie_*
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Mar 1 04, 12:07
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Dear Dolly,
HI there! Thanks so much for your kind remarks on my poem. Yes, I have lived thru those long, desperate nights also. Seems as if night haunts us so at times, we could swear it was breathing. Those kind of nights make you especially thankful to see the next dawn.
Blessed are you to have made it thru those fretful nights thru God's grace.
Thanks again for reading, friend.
~Amy~
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Jul 26 04, 05:05
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,638
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Hey Amy!
Your lines are powerful, as evidenced by the comments you have received.
The ONLY line that jarred me was 'holding no sought comfort' in which it feels as though you're trying to say too much with "sought." To me it seems both out of pace and unnecessary... but then that's just me.
Hold fast unto that night until the dawn, nor don a mourning robe just yet; that black knight's gone, so now embrace this present night.
The Light one will spring forth in dew time.
sharin' de Light, Daniel
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Guest_blondie_*
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Jul 26 04, 15:03
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Kevin and Daniel,
Thanks, Kevin, for "bumping" this one back up! I do appreciate your comments and so glad you enjoyed it.
Daniel...thanks for the input. I agree...."sought" seems superfluous in this poem! It has been disposed of! :)
~Amy~
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Jul 27 04, 10:22
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,660
Joined: 23-August 03
From: Somerset, England
Member No.: 22
Real Name: Grace
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
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Hello Amy, :sun:
Such a powerful poem, portaying incredibly strong emotions of disillusionment and yes, anger.
No nits here. You say this came easily, a good sign that it needs little or no adjustment.
I found this very emotive. Well done Amy a very good read :read:
Love
Grace
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Guest_face_*
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Jul 27 04, 14:47
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great write, very expressive and powerful
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Guest_Tao_*
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Jul 29 04, 20:10
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Amy,
Dear, dear, still suffering, you sweet...that's three poems in a row, torches in the black field of lost love! 'Fraid even the answering machine's no use against the cold night (from prior conversation). :(
I read this a long, long time ago:
For if she will, she will; you can depend it. But if she won't, she won't; so there's an end on it.
Substitute "he" for she and see if that helps?
Now back to poetry. I agree with Kevin, the "...no more." ending would be even more powerful. I sensed the emotions, the pain, raw but boiling up to those lines and "No More!" a final release that blows off the lid. Your first phrases had already run daggers into reader's hearts - the rest, they'll have to suffer in their imagination, alone! :)
Just my 2 cents, be well...ouch, I'm still hurting. Now where did that dagger go?
David
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Guest_blondie_*
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Jul 30 04, 13:52
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Grace, Face, and Tao....
Thanks, friends, for stopping to read this "oldie." I wrote this soon after my divorce.....and those first few nights were LONG. Always a blessing when others enjoy my lines....
Have a blessed weekend,
~Amy~
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