Portrait Options

[RC James]

The film loop
shows yoiu standing,
your hand rises
sequentially to a wave,
the smile
increases to full.

Miles of unspooled film,
projector broken, celluloid
in sharp-edged continuity,
shows every millisecond
of your life.
A prism in your eyes
scatters looks all over me.

Digitally, the screen fills
with multiple exposures
of one pose overlapping
in transparent lacy review.
Screen after screen,
so filled with images
the eye hungers for a moment
before images.

The black and white forms
blend into slow motion,
open to a mother's eyes,
painful in the flickering light;

nerve endings, like sparklers,
illuminate loss.

[greenwich]

Do you mean transparency rather than transparent lacy. The images are well conveyed in terms of light/film lexiconograpgy. However I feel the subject is unknown or underdeveloped in my opinion.Who is the bright star. Garbo ?

[Psyche]

Same here, RC. Have to re-read this one. Will return. Some typos and some questions to clarify a few points.

Tx, Syl

[RC James]

Not obvious I guess, but this is a home movie of a person who has passed. RC

[Psyche]

The film loop
shows yoiu standing,<<<<<typo = you
your hand rises
sequentially to a wave,
the smile
increases to full.

Miles of unspooled film,
projector broken, celluloid
in sharp-edged continuity, <<<<<<Yes, we had an old projector. And one remains with the unspooled film.
shows every millisecond
of your life.
A prism in your eyes
scatters looks all over me.<<<<<Nice!

Digitally, the screen fills <<<<<Do you mean that the film was digitalised? I wish ours had been...but they got damp, damaged...dunno.
with multiple exposures
of one pose overlapping
in transparent lacy review.
Screen after screen,
so filled with images <<<<<representations
the eye hungers for a moment
before images. <<<<<<Could you use another word for images, here or above?

The black and white forms
blend into slow motion,
open to a mother's eyes,
painful in the flickering light;

nerve endings, like sparklers,
illuminate loss. <<<<Good last stanzas. Now I understand what you mean about a person who has passed. A child or youngster. A mother's loss.
Syl

[Heather]

I see that the typos have been addressed in other comments. I just thought I'd add that I loved this tender poem. I would rethink 'transparent lacy review', as it doesn't come across as you might have intended.
I love the ending, although the first time I read it through I thought the loss could be seen in your mother's eyes, and on the second read through, I saw it in the eyes of the Narrator. Both interpretations moved me, however, so I'm fine with it.
Heather

[Eisa]

Hi Richard,

I've been away a while and missed reading your poetry.


The film loop
shows yoiu standing,
your hand rises
sequentially to a wave,
the smile
increases to full.

Lovely starting stanza. Don't forget the sp in L2

Miles of unspooled film,
projector broken, celluloid
in sharp-edged continuity,
shows every millisecond
of your life.
A prism in your eyes
scatters looks all over me.

Digitally, the screen fills
with multiple exposures
of one pose overlapping
in transparent lacy review.
Screen after screen,
so filled with images
the eye hungers for a moment
before images.

I love the way this is unfolding.
I'm not sure that 'transparent lacy review' fits the bill
The repeat of 'images' in the last lines don't work for me

The black and white forms
blend into slow motion,
open to a mother's eyes,
painful in the flickering light;

nerve endings, like sparklers,
illuminate loss.

A very moving ending. I feel the loss.

Eira