Kamikaze Options

[RC James]

" Um Yukaba” and the rest,
the take off song, started low,
a hum-drone, built to a roar
and ripped open the dream.
I was a Japanese pilot, chosen
sacrifice, on the carrier deck,
waiting with my suicide squad
at attention before the admiral,
weighted down with medals
that looked like body armor.
I understood everything he said,
after all, the dream chose me.

From the blue interior a shout,
jump overboard, get out
your side’s going to lose anyway.

Oblivious, I heard the admiral saying:
“your actions will cause great losses
to the enemy, it will be your eternal victory.”
Ill-ordered frenzy churned
at my intestines, my face showed
military calm, stern obedience.

Inside me, the situation’s design took form;
duty was inscribed on the inside curve
of the wedding ring: Forever my love,
forever was the plunge, commitment.
Climbing betrayal’s steps ended in fire
straight into the looming smokestacks.

A haunting voice of requital moved
out to the horizon, beyond (edited "horizontally" out)
our ships, the voice I heard last night
as I wrote the one last letter to the children.

[greenwich]

Wonderful energy, mission statement over and out. The Imperial Sun banishes her enemies. Then the line came that I wish to understand "Climbing betrayal’s steps ended in fire". How does betrayal come into the equation. I thought the Kamikaze pilot was glad of his sacrifice ? (unless you mean to his children) ?

[RC James]

Yah, it takes a jump in the last two stanzas into the guy's matrimonial situation. He's been unfaithful and the descent into the smokestack is a result of his betrayal. Not too clear I guess, thanks for commenting though, RC

[Eisa]

Hi Richard,

Well written, enjoyed this one. It's not too clear at the ending, but nothing you can't tweak.

A haunting voice of requital moved
horizontally out to the horizon, beyond
our ships, the voice I heard last night
as I wrote the one last letter to the children.

I think L2 here has too much 'horizon' (if you know what I mean). Perhaps

A haunting voice of requital moved
horizontally out to the skyline, beyond

Eira

[Psyche]

Great poem, Richard. Really good, this one.

I do hope you tweak that one line: 'horizontally out to the horizon, beyond...'

I'll come back to read it again.

Syl