Learning about the past ** Options

[greenwich]

If we coach early to Margate,
we find the weathered drunks
at JD Wetherspoons.
We could order coffee
and learn by their example.
Passing by those boarded hotels,
that saw kinder shafts of light.
All the time knowing
their floorboards are in a rotten state
like all those once holidayed workers.
The current climes sees
recession as the worst traveller
The once new World
is sedentary
the come down complete

[Luce]

WOW Anthony!!! What a beauty. Love it to pieces. Of course I have some nits but they are minor:

If we coach early to Margate
we find the weathered drunks
at JD wetherspoons


L1 - Comma after Margate.
L2 - I'd put "we will" or "we'll" as oppose to just "we".
L3 - Capital "W" for Wetherspoons besides a period after Wetherspoons.

We could order coffee
and learn by their example.
Passing by those boarded hotels,
that saw kinder shafts of light.
All the time knowing

L-6 thru L8. Incomplete sentence. Easy fix. Instead of saying "Passing by those..." you can say

"We could walk pass
the boarded hotels
that saw kinder shafts of light
all the time knowing"

their floorboards are in a rotten state
like all those once holidayed workers.

L9 - Instead of "rotten" maybe say "rotting". It can reflect back to the "once holidayed workers". If the hotels are really old (80 years or more) you can say "rotted/decayed" state. Again it can symbolize the humans.

The current climes sees
recession as the worst traveler

Love this line.

The once new World
is sedentary
the come down complete

L13 - I thought you were talking about England. Now I'm not sure. The New World usually refers to the Americas. You may want to use another phrase. Maybe pick a phrase or iconic symbol that describes the era.
L13 & L14 - Bit of a mixed message here. The boarded up hotels usually reflect an era, long gone. In its day, it was probably the "hottest" thing. But, now it isn't. So it is more than sedentary - it's dead.

Would like to know if Margate is similar to what happened to Atlantic City in the US. It was a popular seaside/gambling area that had a downturn. And, although it has made a bit of a comeback, it will probably never regain it's former glory.

Nicely done Anthony.

Luce

[greenwich]

Thank you Luce for your review. Margate is in Kent. Up to the 1980s it was a family weekend retreat or short holiday stopover. It had a famouus seaside fairground, which reopened recently as relaunch attempt. The boarded hotels were more recent no ghosts here thus the sedentary reference

[Eisa]

This is interesting Antony. I've never been to Margate, but have heard about it. It has been a very popular holiday resort.

I haven't much to 'nit'

If we coach early to Margate
we find the weathered drunks
at JD Wetherspoons Capital for Weatherspoons
We could order coffee
and learn by their example.
[Passing] We pass by those boarded hotels,
that saw kinder shafts of light.
All the time knowing
their floorboards are in a rotten state
like all those once holidayed workers.
The current climes sees
recession as the worst traveller
Like these 2 lines
The once new World
is sedentary
the come down complete. Full stop

Eira

[Heather]

I really like this. I think you capture the feel of the place in very few lines. I think the ending is beautifully painful.
Although I understand the wordplay between 'weathered' and 'Weatherspoons', I found it distracting. Additionally, I struggled with 'climes sees' For me, you have a plural subject and a singular verb, but I know this is sometimes different in different areas. I couldn't find any examples of this online, so I'm wondering if it's correct...

But besides that, loved it, really.
Heather

[RC James]

I really like the juxtaposition of jarringly different elements and feelings here. It approaches a kind of surrealistic take on travel and the world condition. Well done - RC

[greenwich]

It's Wetherspoons not Weatherspoons
This is a chain of pubs in the United Kingdom
Thank you for your reviews

[Heather]

I sorry I misspelled it, which might mean I was pronouncing it wrong in my head, too. I was referring to the words sounding the same, not being written the same. I think it's clear that it's a well known name, even if I wasn't familiar with it.