PUMA WIND, (from Patagonia Lost collection) Options

[Psyche]

Puma Wind

The wind is a howling puma.
I hear it breathe in raining darkness.
It battles South Atlantic shores
until armlets belch black liquid,
like furious sea-serpents
captive of feral forces.

The puma’s loping form,
crouching fast over scarred beaches,
takes on the thunderous ocean,
slashes somber skies with fiery streaks.

I listen to Puma Wind call me,
harken to his alluring pauses,
occasional mellow tones.
Away from you, yes,
I shall ride Puma Wind,
far from the meaningless traffic of this world.

Yellow as spume on Austral swells,
eyes glowing in phosphorescent waters,
this mythical creature
mounts the spine of waves
when seas bellow in from the blackness.

After this last night with you,
pressed close to your naked skin,
Puma's claws will carry me away,
sharp and cold as icicles.

Tomorrow, you’ll still savour the salt
on our burnished bodies
making love by the fireside.

Sheltered from errant winds
combing the distant Atlantic,
you'll be kingdoms away
from the daunting enormity of myth.

By Psyche

Copyright: Sylvia Maclagan, Buenos Aires, Argentina, 2009.

[Thoth]

Oh Syl,
this is very inspirational to me. I love this piece with it's passion for life, the interwoven erotica and an underlying sadness. Haven't figured out the end yet but its late and I must get some sleep. I will come back later with some detailed comments.

We are traveling to the Eastern Cape tomorrow to be with Nicola for a few days and on the way visiting the hospital where I was stolen from death. I hope to see the staff and doctors who looked after me.

Hugs,
Wally

Just 4 u , b4 I go

Untamed the austral Puma Wind,
the sea that birthed her, wilder still.
A wind that roars right through the night
just as our passion always will.
Untamed the storm that rides this wind
with flashing spears that pierce my sight
and fans the flame that burns within
yet cools hot sweat upon my skin.

x

[Maggie]

Hi Syl,

I think this is great! Beautiful imagery! Fine wording except the last word. I don't quite understand the last line though. By "myth" do you mean there is no couple making love by a fireside on the beach? Enlighten me please.

Peggy

[Arnfinn]

G'day Sylv,

Is the 'Puma' the name of an A/ wind?

OR personification?

The wind is a howling puma. >>> Hmm... winds howl, Puma's growl.
I hear it breathe in raining darkness.>>> Yeah, I can imagine that.
It battles South Atlantic shores>>> Yep!
until armlets belch black liquid,?
like furious sea-serpents?
captive of feral forces.?

The puma’s loping form,
crouching fast over scarred beaches,
takes on the thunderous ocean, >>> 'takes on' a bit weak, Sylv. How about somthing like 'fights' or somthing.
slashes somber skies with fiery streaks.

I listen to Puma Wind call me,
harken to his alluring pauses,
occasional mellow tones.
Away from you, yes,
I shall ride Puma Wind,
far from the meaningless traffic of this world.

Yellow as spume on Austral swells,
eyes glowing in phosphorescent waters,
this mythical creature
mounts the spine of waves
when seas bellow in from the blackness.

After this last night with you,
pressed close to your naked skin,
Puma's claws will carry me away,
sharp and cold as icicles.

Tomorrow, you’ll still savour the salt
on our burnished bodies
making love by the fireside.

Sheltered from errant winds
combing the distant Atlantic,
you'll be kingdoms away
from the daunting enormity of myth.

Yes well, Sylv, your poem certainly 'hots-up'
after arousing start.

Don't understand the 'myth', but no doubt I'll find out.

How's this for starters, Sylv.

To be continued.


John

[Psyche]

I'm so glad you've found this piece inspirational, Wally...No better gift or compliment than a poem inspired by something one has composed! And just 4 me... .....Your's is a lovely rhyming poem that has picked up the theme & meaning perfectly. Shall keep it in my PC folders, natch.

I hope you're having another well-deserved rest with your daughter Nicola. I'm following her blog Elephant Whispers (and the others) and have even put a link to it on my Spanish poetry blog. I don't believe she's noticed! Until I became an adolescent and was sent away from Patagonia to a prison boarding-school near Buenos Aires, I was definitely a precocious horse and dog whisperer. But I'm straying...

Please tell us about your visit to the hospital experience, as well. In a poem? I wonder how you'll feel there. When my husband survived his second major heart surgery (his mind was still OK then), the docs nearly fainted to see him alive and hardy after a year! I'm sure that many would be amazed to know that 7 years after the 3rd. surgery, he's still going strong, tho' not mentally. I believe certain outside factors are highly influential, such as the person who is by your side thru' the ordeal. There are 'people whisperers' too...

Straying from the subject again, so I'll stop and go visit the lovely poem you've posted over the wall. Come on, all you free versers!

Heartfelt thanks, Syl***

[Psyche]

Hi Peggy,

Thank you for your comments, so pleased you like it. I'm a little unsteady with English nowadays, since I seldom speak it to anybody. You're a great help. My husband, tho' Argentine, spoke perfect English, but now he wanders off as his mind's been badly affected.

I agree about the ending being problematical. I've tweaked it many times..

The poem is another of the 'beauty and the beast' variety (I'm not the beauty...LOL...). You know, when the heroine must chose between light and darkness (not good and evil, there's a difference, IMO).

The puma wind is legendary, but it inspired me to write this. The woman prefers the beast and allows herself to be carried away. Her lover remains behind by the fireside. The salt would be a hint of where she went, i.e., to sea. I didn't intend it to be a log fire on the beach. Brrr....Does it sound that way?

By 'daunting enormity of myth' I want to say that he'll never understand where she went, or why. Beyond reason, thru' a portal, that sort of thing..

Hope I'm making sense. Any suggestions welcome.

Hugs, Syl**

Hi Syl,

I think this is great! Beautiful imagery! Fine wording except the last word. I don't quite understand the last line though. By "myth" do you mean there is no couple making love by a fireside on the beach? Enlighten me please.

Peggy

[Psyche]

Hi Arnie,

Some original dwellers of Argentine Patagonia, as far back as 700 years ago or much more, prior to the Spanish conquest, likened the sound of powerful winds to the howling of pumas. There were many ethnic minorities, within the large Mapuche tribe, and the myths and legends are interwoven over time and regions.

Pumas, like dogs, growl. And pumas, like dogs, howl in the night! Or wolves, or coyotes, whatever.. Especially when it's either very dark or else there's lots of moonlight.

Both powerful winds and full moons are related to madness or strange events. In Patagonia, till this very day, people blame unrelenting winds for suicides. This is a fact, sad to say. December can be an especially windy season, non-stop. It can get on your nerves. Nowadays, with mass desertification due to sheep rearing (cloven-hooved sheep were introduced and allowed to pasture out on the steppes, nibbling already dry vegetation to the ground), the quantity of dust in the air has also increased. There are dust bowls..

G'day Sylv,

Is the 'Puma' the name of an A/ wind?

OR personification? I would say it's a mythical personification. From way back when animism was also prevalent.


The wind is a howling puma. >>> Hmm... winds howl, Puma's growl. Nope
I hear it breathe in raining darkness.>>> Yeah, I can imagine that. Yep!
It battles South Atlantic shores>>> Yep! Right
until armlets belch black liquid,?
like furious sea-serpents?
captive of feral forces.?

Many South Atlantic beaches have narrow armlets -inlets- that spout darkened water from ocean swells. Petroleum? Volcanic black ashes? Pollution? Don't know. I liken the curved armlets to sea-serpents powered by natural forces. Please nit if it's grammatically incorrect...

The puma’s loping form,
crouching fast over scarred beaches,
takes on the thunderous ocean, >>> 'takes on' a bit weak, Sylv. How about somthing like 'fights' or somthing. OK!
slashes somber skies with fiery streaks.

I listen to Puma Wind call me,
harken to his alluring pauses,
occasional mellow tones.
Away from you, yes,
I shall ride Puma Wind,
far from the meaningless traffic of this world.

Yellow as spume on Austral swells,
eyes glowing in phosphorescent waters,
this mythical creature
mounts the spine of waves
when seas bellow in from the blackness.

After this last night with you,
pressed close to your naked skin,
Puma's claws will carry me away,
sharp and cold as icicles.

Tomorrow, you’ll still savour the salt
on our burnished bodies
making love by the fireside.

Sheltered from errant winds
combing the distant Atlantic,
you'll be kingdoms away
from the daunting enormity of myth.

Yes well, Sylv, your poem certainly 'hots-up'
after arousing start.

Don't understand the 'myth', but no doubt I'll find out.

How's this for starters, Sylv.

To be continued.

Thank you, Arnie the Fin! Very good points made & questions asked. I like that, makes me sit up & take notice...mmm... Looking forward to second round.
Syl***

John

[Eisa]

Hi Syl

Oh! another beauty! The imagery here is superb. On 1st read I see nothing to change, but I'll go through again. Perhaps it can be pruned a little in parts. Let's see ....

Puma Wind

The wind is a howling puma.
I hear it breathe in raining darkness.
It battles South Atlantic shores
until armlets belch black liquid,
like furious sea-serpents
captive of feral forces.

A wonderful start -- very vivid. Perhaps ...

The wind, like a howling puma,
breathes in raining darkness.

... would be more concise.



The puma’s lopes [ing form],
crouching fast over scarred beaches,
takes on the thunderous ocean,
slashes somber skies with fiery streaks.

I listen to Puma Wind call me,
harken to his alluring pauses,
occasional mellow tones.
Away from you, yes,
I shall ride [Puma Wind] him,
far from the meaningless traffic of this world.

Take or toss anything I say, Syl. I'm sure I'll be back for another look soon.

Hugs Snow

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Sylvia, I love the idea behind this, and agree that there are some large
cats that do howl like wolves and dogs, heck I had a female house cat that when she went into heat sounded like some demented wolf. But onto the poem:

The wind is a howling puma.
I hear it breathe in raining darkness. I want to read rainy darkness...
It battles South Atlantic shores
until armlets belch black liquid, this is confusing, what armlets? Are these arms of the sea that go into the land or vice versa arms of land out into the sea; and why do they belch black liquid? are you trying to say the sea belches up a spray when it hits the land and this is the black liquid?
Maybe...
until the sea belches its sprays/foams of black liquid against the armlets of land. an idea...
like furious sea-serpents
captive of feral forces. I think captive[s] is better.

The puma’s loping form, [b]Puma lopes, discard 'The and loping'.
crouching fast over scarred beaches, Here I think 'stretching' over beaches; crouching suggests a hiding, waiting for prey vision. I don't think you need the 'fast'.[/b]
takes on the thunderous ocean, taking
slashes somber skies with fiery streaks. fiery claws

I listen to Puma Wind call me, Here I want to read 'the' in front of Puma.
harken to his alluring pauses,
occasional mellow tones.
Away from you, yes,
I shall ride Puma Wind,
far from the meaningless traffic of this world. Maybe humdrum instead of meaningless...not sure...

Yellow as spume on Austral swells,
eyes glowing in phosphorescent waters, I have to go look up austral, but I think this might read better...
Phosphorescent waters spume,
glowing like his yellowed eyes.
I don't think I have ever seen yellow spume...lol.
this mythical creature
mounts the spine of waves
when seas bellow in from the blackness. I love these lines...

After this last night with you,
pressed close to your naked skin, [; instead of comma]
Puma's claws will carry me away,
sharp and cold as icicles. As a personification the claws might be imagined as cold but cat claws don't really feel any tempeture do they? Maybe "on his sharp but tender hooks" and discard 'claws' in the above line.

Tomorrow, you’ll still savour the salt
on our burnished bodies
making love by the fireside. This should be 'as we made love by...as you are referencing something the lover will savour.

Sheltered from errant winds
combing the distant Atlantic,
you'll be kingdoms away
from the daunting enormity of myth. I would put the second line last and add 'for me' after Atlantic.

Just some ideas for you to ponder Sylvia, of course use or lose as you desire. I hope this helps in your revision of this wonderful piece.
Take care
Steve

PS. I think you are doing great as far as the English language goes, I have trouble trying to make a whole sentence in Spanish.

[Psyche]

Dear Snow,
Thanks so much for your complimentary words....mmm.....yes, it can probably be pruned a bit, as you say.

Hi Syl

Oh! another beauty! The imagery here is superb. On 1st read I see nothing to change, but I'll go through again. Perhaps it can be pruned a little in parts. Let's see ....

Puma Wind

The wind is a howling puma.
I hear it breathe in raining darkness.
It battles South Atlantic shores
until armlets belch black liquid,
like furious sea-serpents
captive of feral forces.

A wonderful start -- very vivid. Perhaps ...

The wind, like a howling puma,
breathes in raining darkness.

... would be more concise. <<<<<<<<<<< yes, I'll take this into account in my rev.


The puma’s lopes [ing form], <<<<<< not sure I understand this! Or maybe..Sorry....
crouching fast over scarred beaches,
takes on the thunderous ocean,
slashes somber skies with fiery streaks.

I listen to Puma Wind call me,
harken to his alluring pauses,
occasional mellow tones.
Away from you, yes,
I shall ride [Puma Wind] him, <<<<<<<< here I believe it would unbalance the lines, but it's probably better.
far from the meaningless traffic of this world.

Take or toss anything I say, Syl. I'm sure I'll be back for another look soon.


Yes, do come back if you can. I'll be posting a rev. when I've read all suggestions. Hugs!
Syl***

Hugs Snow

[Psyche]

Glad you love it, Steve! Yes, my cat howled horribly as well, she really seemed to be suffering badly. I had sworn not to have her spayed, since I now live in an apartment, but her piteous, loud crying all thru' the night made me change my mind...She didn't get fat or stupid at all. At 8 years, she's always up to new tricks, like a monkey! You won't believe this, but she can pick the caps off my laptop keys (they're far slimmer than big keyboard's, I discovered to my amazement...) I had a bit of trouble sticking them back on again, and my technician couldn't believe it when I told him later....And cats DO understand a sharp No, in this case accompanied by a slap, since she kept on doing it. No more...LOL....

Sylvia, I love the idea behind this, and agree that there are some large
cats that do howl like wolves and dogs, heck I had a female house cat that when she went into heat sounded like some demented wolf. But onto the poem:

The wind is a howling puma.
I hear it breathe in raining darkness. I want to read rainy darkness... <<<I wanted the darkness and rain to be as 'one'.

It battles South Atlantic shores
until armlets belch black liquid, this is confusing, what armlets? Are these arms of the sea that go into the land or vice versa arms of land out into the sea; and why do they belch black liquid? are you trying to say the sea belches up a spray when it hits the land and this is the black liquid?

The arms of the sea eat into the land, can cut deep into it. Pools also remain after a storm. This occurs in some parts where it's pretty muddy, rather than sandy. When I mention volcanic ash elsewhere, I mean ash from Chilean volcanos on the Western side of the cordillera. Big erruptions have sometimes covered all of Argentine Patagonia + Atlantic Ocean, carried by strong winds.

Maybe...

until the sea belches its sprays/foams of black liquid against the armlets of land. an idea...[/b]
like furious sea-serpents
captive of feral forces. I think captive[s] is better.

I like foam or spray. Sounds good. But I've only seen thick, black liquid. Captives is OK!

The puma’s loping form, [b]Puma lopes, discard 'The and loping'.
crouching fast over scarred beaches, Here I think 'stretching' over beaches; crouching suggests a hiding, waiting for prey vision. I don't think you need the 'fast'.[/b]
takes on the thunderous ocean, taking
slashes somber skies with fiery streaks. fiery claws

Interesting ideas, Steve. I put crouching fast to make it clear, along with lopes, that it wasn't waiting for prey. Will take all this into account for rev. Thanks!

I listen to Puma Wind call me, Here I want to read 'the' in front of Puma.

Here's where myth/imagination transform the wind into a beckoning being. Third person introduced purposely.

harken to his alluring pauses,
occasional mellow tones.
Away from you, yes,
I shall ride Puma Wind,
far from the meaningless traffic of this world. Maybe humdrum instead of meaningless...not sure... That's a good word!

Yellow as spume on Austral swells,
eyes glowing in phosphorescent waters, I have to go look up austral, but I think this might read better...
Phosphorescent waters spume,
glowing like his yellowed eyes.
I don't think I have ever seen yellow spume...lol.
this mythical creature
mounts the spine of waves
when seas bellow in from the blackness. I love these lines...

I'll think about all these suggestions, thank you Steve. Not 'yellowed eyes', tho'! Spume can be yellow at times, sulphur and lightening give it that appearance.

After this last night with you,
pressed close to your naked skin, [; instead of comma]
Puma's claws will carry me away,
sharp and cold as icicles. As a personification the claws might be imagined as cold but cat claws don't really feel any tempeture do they? Maybe "on his sharp but tender hooks" and discard 'claws' in the above line.

Hmmm, interesting thoughts. It's all myth, tho'....

Tomorrow, you’ll still savour the salt
on our burnished bodies
making love by the fireside. This should be 'as we made love by...as you are referencing something the lover will savour.

Sheltered from errant winds
combing the distant Atlantic,
you'll be kingdoms away
from the daunting enormity of myth. I would put the second line last and add 'for me' after Atlantic.

Hmmm... I could switch around, as you say. Readers have had problems understanding.

Just some ideas for you to ponder Sylvia, of course use or lose as you desire. I hope this helps in your revision of this wonderful piece.
Take care
Steve

I'll ponder it all and see what sort of rev I come up with! You take care too, Steve.

PS. I think you are doing great as far as the English language goes, I have trouble trying to make a whole sentence in Spanish.

<<<<<<<< But Spanish isn't your mother tongue. English and Spanish were both mine. My Mom was born in Argentina, of Dutch descent, not so my Scottish father. She didn't speak Dutch, tho. Bye!

[Arnfinn]

G'day Sylv,


Hmm... Very interesting. I have ways of making you talk.

Ok, I understand my questions or is it your answers I understand. Have to think about THAT!

BUT, most importantly. I understand your poem.

So, that said. Ah, geez I get longwinded sometimes.

Why don't ya change the title. Toooooooooooooooooo, something like. Myth of the Puma Wind or The Howl of the Mythical Puma Wind. or The Howl of the Mythical Puma

or somthing.

If ya doooooooooo that: the reader is on the right track from line ONE.


Ready for round 3


John

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Sylvia, I think John is on a good idea with a change in title,,to give the reader a head start. I am glad you liked some of my ideas...as I said they are just my suggestions you use what you need, I understood about the myth part...no problem there. I think that by participating here on MM it probably keeps you more fluent than you would be if you didn't. I think we all here are glad that you are here...

Take care Sylvia

Steve

[Eisa]

Hi Syl

I'm not surprised you didn't understand this ... it makes no sense! LOL! Don't know what I was thinking of ...

The puma’s lopes [ing form], <<<<<< not sure I understand this! Or maybe..Sorry....
crouching fast over scarred beaches,
takes on the thunderous ocean,
slashes somber skies with fiery streaks.

Perhaps this is better

The loping puma crouches
fast over scarred beaches,


Not sure this is any better. Let's face it, it's fine as it is LOL!

Great to read again

Snow

[Psyche]

Thank you, Snow, Steve, Arnie for your latest suggestions. Yes, perhaps Myth of the Puma Wind will make it clearer from the start.

It's late again, oh dear, so I'll have to post that rev as soon as I get a free moment. Thanks, everybody, for comments & crits.

Hugs, Syl***

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Sylvia,

I'mshort on time right now, but I started reviewing this earlier today (from work) and jotted this down to start. I love the entire poem, it's very visual and metaphorical which really strikes my fancy. Here's an idea below for the opening stanza, the only one that I thought could use a bit of tweaking from first read:

The wind is a howling puma.
I hear it breathe in raining darkness.
It battles South Atlantic shores
until armlets belch black liquid,
like furious sea-serpents
captive of feral forces.

I have an idea – how about putting the first line at the end in italics like this?
I hear it breathe in raining darkness.
It battles South Atlantic shores
until armlets belch black liquid{,}
like furious sea-serpents
captive of feral forces.
{The} [This] wind is a howling puma.
OR … A howling Puma wind.


I think this image is my fav:
Yellow as spume on Austral swells,
eyes glowing in phosphorescent waters,
this mythical creature
mounts the spine of waves
when seas bellow in from the blackness.

Be back soon Syl!
~Cleo