Jeoffry ~ Revised 20 June 2007, a flash response Options

[Cleo_Serapis]

Stimulus: A fragment from Kit Smart's Jubilate Agno:

"For I will consider my Cat Jeoffry.
For he is the servant of the Living God duly and daily serving him.
For at the first glance of the glory of God in the East he worships in his way.
For this is done by wreathing his body seven times round with elegant quickness.
For then he leaps up to catch the musk, which is the blessing of God upon his prayer.
For he rolls upon prank to work it in...."




Jeoffry

He is sleek unto himself,
blending onyx and brilliance.

Seven - that magic number -
seven times he wreaths
his agile frame to the East,
ascends on haunch hopes;
no more, no less.

Toward latent stars he arcs
in complementary prayer,
and sheaths his domain with
spindrifts of nature’s musk.

Friends frolic in the grassy knoll
to mark their place in society
then yield to his presence: exercising
their position in his kingdom.

He crouches low and slowly
advances amongst his
camouflaged backdrop;
a transient salutation
that shadows pranks of the day…

then quietly sneaks back
to the comfort of a cushy couch
and moons himself to sleep.

A god made unto himself,
he blends onyx and brilliance.

Copyright © Lorraine M Kanter



Original:

He is sleek upon himself,
blending onyx with brilliance.

Seven - that magic number -
seven times he wreaths
his agile frame to the East,
ascending on haunch hopes;
no more, no less.

Toward latent stars he arcs,
and sheaths his domain
with the musk of nature’s scent.

Friends frolic in the grassy knoll
marking their place in society,
yielding his presence, exercising
their position in his kingdom.

A god made unto himself,
he ponders the pranks of today…
then quietly sneaks back
to the comforts of a cushy couch
and suns himself to sleep.

He is sleek upon himself,
blending onyx with brilliance.

[bbnixon]

Hi Lori,

I have such a weakness for cats. Sorry it took me so long to get back, I started another 30 day poem challenge somewhere else, and I need to quit doing them....I seem to love to write, and hate to workshop. This year I have written 200 poems and workshopped maybe 15. I am awful. I loved this poem the first time, and I love the revision. Seven to three on the ings is quite impressive, I would say you are cooking...or You cook!!! Just teasing...I have a couple of minor things, will put them in blue




Jeoffry

He is sleek unto himself,
blending onyx and brilliance.

Seven - that magic number -
seven times he wreaths
his agile frame to the East,
ascending on haunch hopes; (I think you can use ascends )
no more, no less.

Toward latent stars he arcs
in complementary prayer,
and sheaths his domain with
spindrifts of nature’s musk. (Love this addition)

Friends frolic in the grassy knoll
to mark their place in society
then yield to his presence: exercising
their position in his kingdom.

He crouches low and slowly
advances amongst his
camouflaged backdrop;
a transient salutation
that shadows the pranks of the day…

then quietly sneaks back
to the comfort of a cushy couch
and moons himself to sleep.

A god made unto himself,
he blends onyx and brilliance.

Copyright © Lorraine M Kanter


I enjoyed it very much.....

hope your day is very good

:) brenda