Hi Jim...
I missed reading your wonderful work. It is a rare day that I read one of your offerings and do not come away from it with stirrings of desire to write something as good - This is no acception. First I so enjoyed the archaic voice, it brings forth a romantic, poetic time and of course brings out the best of what a good old fashioned Sonnet can do to ones heart.
Some minor thoughts and comments to follow. I do hope you are well and I am getting my feet wet in the critique avenue again so forgive me if it isn't like old critiques... a little step at a time!
Cuckold
Play, Minstrel, play – let music fill my soul
and leave no room for false Elizabeth;
or rather, thoughts of her that hold me thrall
QUOTE
Perhaps omitting the comma after rather or move it to after 'her' -
"or rather thoughts of her, that hold me thrall
to bitter memories that summon Death.
For her? For me? For both! A fitting fate,
release for me and due desserts for her.
Lord, how could love so quickly turn to hate,
to wish her dead and Faith does not deter?
QUOTE
I will put in my second vote on Alan's suggestion of 'while Faith does not deter?"
Sing, Bard, of happy times and perfect loves,
QUOTE
A quick suggestion of ' ... of gleeful times -" to utilitize a closer archaic word fitting to your scene and voice chosen.
paint fiction’s false veneer o’er savage fact;
I’ll lose this lust, however hard it proves,
or find damnation in a single act.
‘Twas always thus, that men must make a choice
‘twixt Selfish need and Heaven’s guiding voice.
QUOTE
These final lines are wonderful. Especially L10. It actually dances into the air when spoken aloud and is so pleasant on the ear... Strong ending couplet as well. You hadn't left anything to really pick at so - I am surprised to find the two little mentions I did.
Big Hugs .... Liz