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My Mother ~ Written in 1977 |
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Jun 25 07, 20:21
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter
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This was a poem I wrote for my mother on Mother's Day in 1977. Of course it is weak and poorly written pertaining to meter and use of poetic devices, but I cannot change it because it was a poem I created a personalized card for her and it was the year she became very ill - However, I came across this while going through my boxes of saved things and wanted to share it with you, in dedication of My Mother. This is my Mom and Dad ... My Mom And DadMy Mother I thank my mother for rainbows. For life's sweet memories, love's gentle glow. For shinning stars and carousels, white winged doves and wishing wells. I thank my mother for peaceful dreams, comforting moments, flowing streams. For spacious skies on moonlit nights, her wisdoms and her deepest insights, I thank my mother for each sunrise, for every sunset, majestic sights, I memorize. For flowers that bloom in the fields I fall. I thank my mother for it all. I thank my mother for giving me life. For sharing my triumphs, softening my strife. Her love unconditional, can be compared to no other, So I thank you Dear God, for giving me "My mother" I love you
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Jun 26 07, 01:37
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 1,621
Joined: 18-August 05
From: Johannesburg, South Africa
Member No.: 127
Real Name: Beverleigh Gail Annegarn
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Jox
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Hey Liz!
How are you?
You had me with tears in my eyes! What a lovely poem. I have not written about my mother yet. I have written about both my inlaws (they have passed away). Thank you for posting the poem. Perhaps it will inspire me to write something. There is an amazing amount of meaning and love in this poem.
Thank you so much for sharing it.
PP
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Jun 26 07, 08:55
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter
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Thank you so much Bev -
I wrote it when I was 14 as a gift for mothers day to her. I stumbled on it the other day, and although it would need a tremendous amount of work to polish it, I would rather just share it for the love it was written with.
That would be a wonderful idea for you...and I would enjoy reading it! :)
Hugs Liz ...
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Jun 26 07, 09:43
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 1,621
Joined: 18-August 05
From: Johannesburg, South Africa
Member No.: 127
Real Name: Beverleigh Gail Annegarn
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Jox
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Hi Liz~
Fourteen! My you are talented! I knew you were but, to write like this at fourteen is real talent!
My compliments to you!
Bev
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Jun 27 07, 06:51
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Mosaic Master
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Hi Liz Thank you so much for sharing this. It brought a lot of emotions about my own mother to the surface (tears too) I agree -- there are some poems that shouldn't be polished. Anyway, to my eye this is pretty good ... and written at 14yrs! Wow! It's good to read your poems Liz Hugs Snow
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Jun 30 07, 16:41
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter
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QUOTE (Eisa @ Jun 27 07, 07:51 ) Hi Liz Thank you so much for sharing this. It brought a lot of emotions about my own mother to the surface (tears too) I agree -- there are some poems that shouldn't be polished. Anyway, to my eye this is pretty good ... and written at 14yrs! Wow! It's good to read your poems Liz Hugs Snow Thank you Snow, You know, when I was posting it I thought of you. Thinking if anyone would understand the depth of love I had, especially when I wrote this, it would be you. Yes, 14years old... that was when I wrote from my heart and didn't know a lick of technique or skill ... Hugs, Liz
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Jul 1 07, 13:46
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Group: Bronze Member
Posts: 544
Joined: 3-May 07
From: Central Florida
Member No.: 427
Real Name: Judith Labriola
Writer of: Poetry
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Hi Liz...This poem brought tears to my eyes, when I thought of a 14 year old girl writing this for her mother, especially when her mother was so ill. I felt this way about my dad, and loved my mother, but we never bonded the way we should have...unfortunately...thank God for wonderful fathers!
I clicked on the lnk that you have for your mom and dad's picture, but there was no picture there...you probably have the wrong code there...I can tell you how to put if right on your link if you want...email me..Judi
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Jul 1 07, 14:45
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter
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Hi Judi, Thank you so much. And thank you for relating to the love, even for a father. My father and I didn't become able to understand each other until I had my daughter. My father was a wonderful grandfather, and I am grateful that he got the chance to allow his love to shine through before he passed on. When I was growing up, he was busy running in place trying to make ends meet and half the time they didn't do that - as an adult, I can now understand why he was the way he was. But he was a good man. Simple. My mother, however was our protector, our friend, our teacher, our guardian angel, our solace and most of all our presence of self. She surely deserved better than she got in life, I hope God has other wonderful plans for her. I think the problem with the picture is it is in my album on Bebo, and non-members cannot view it, so I posted it as an image on my old site, because I cannot seem to get an image to post in this thread. So here is the link to that ... I'll change the original as well. My Mom and Dad Again thank you Judi, your comments are so warm and soothing to my heart. I miss both my parents very much. Hugs, Liz
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Jul 2 07, 19:47
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 1,250
Joined: 2-August 03
From: USA
Member No.: 7
Writer of: Poetry
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Hello Liz, Your poem is wonderfully sentimental and filled with tender love and affection. As you commented on how close I was to my Dad, (still am ) it is obvious how much you love and miss your Mom. Your poem reads like a song and I am sure your Mother is smiling wide, so proud of her lovely and talented daughter. Thank you for sharing this treasure. Blessings, Lindi PS I remember from back at PK when you commented on how butterflies remind you of your Mom. Here is one from me, in her loving memory.
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Guest_February_*
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Aug 24 07, 14:00
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Guest
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Liz,
I certainly could not have written a poem as well as this at age 14. It's beautiful - and obviously your mother was/is a beautiful person. I can't see any reason why it should be revised, as it shines brightly as it is.
If you were 14 in '77 - then we must be very close to the same age. I'm 44, born 02-17-63.
I don't have time to read everything here, so I'm just randomly selecting things to open here and there.
Bless you -
- February/Anne
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Sep 24 07, 01:43
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 181
Joined: 13-September 07
From: Conway, Arkansas
Member No.: 468
Real Name: Pamela
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:self
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In gentle disagreement I do not find this poem to be weak or poorly written at all, which goes to show you I may not know much about critiquing. You see, I critique based on many things and I give merit where it's due, not because its technically perfect if there is such a thing, and I suppose I've read some, but I review based on how a poem affects me first. Did it stir emotions? Weak or strong...? Did it have life? Did it have imagery etc. Your poem to your mother has all that. It shimmers and shines, a glowing testimony of your love for her and reads like a dream. It may not be metered but it flows just fine, especially when read aloud. I don't know how old you were then or are now, but of any age I feel this would be a poem to be proud of. I may be sentimental, but I'm picky too, and it isn't as easy to wow me as you might think. Sometimes I think we lose some of what poetry is all about when we get lost in the rigid confines of rigid styles and formats. Ah well, as you can well see my dear, I can be chatty in my review as well as in my own poetry. I am waiting to post my best much later so I can fool you all into thinking I've grown...lol. Time is fleeting and unceasing and I? I change a bit, polish up some, but essensually remain true to who I am and how I write. I've tried to change and it only blocks and frustrates me. I'm glad I've found this forum to post in, but will still be doing challenges and crit forums and trying to learn. Having said all of that if you're still with me, I dearly loved this poem and it moved me to delighted tears. I never got the chance to be someone's Mom, so I sort of read this as if it had been written for me. Blessings and hugs, Pami
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A relaxed attitude, and a heart of gratitude, increases life whilst joy doth exude! <:))))><
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Sep 29 07, 21:12
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter
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QUOTE (Aphrodite @ Jul 2 07, 20:47 ) Hello Liz,
Your poem is wonderfully sentimental and filled with tender love and affection. As you commented on how close I was to my Dad, (still am ) it is obvious how much you love and miss your Mom. Hi Lindi, I am so sorry I haven't seen this response. Please forgive me. I apologize I just haven't posted anything of my own in a while so I forgot that what had been posted might have had replies unanswered. Yes, I remember a conversation at PK about your Dad and our relationships with them. I miss her very much. She was my best friend and my strength through every hard time I can remember and even those I can't. QUOTE Your poem reads like a song and I am sure your Mother is smiling wide, so proud of her lovely and talented daughter. HAhaa... she wasn't much into hearing my poetry. However this poem I gave to her as a printed card and she framed it and hung it on the wall. She loved it. QUOTE Thank you for sharing this treasure. Blessings, Lindi PS I remember from back at PK when you commented on how butterflies remind you of your Mom. Here is one from me, in her loving memory. Thank you Lindi for the beautiful butterfly - I cannot say how much it really means to me. It really means the most seeing it today! :) Thank you ... Big Love and hugs, Liz
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Sep 29 07, 21:18
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter
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QUOTE (February @ Aug 24 07, 15:00 ) Liz,
I certainly could not have written a poem as well as this at age 14. It's beautiful - and obviously your mother was/is a beautiful person. I can't see any reason why it should be revised, as it shines brightly as it is.
If you were 14 in '77 - then we must be very close to the same age. I'm 44, born 02-17-63.
I don't have time to read everything here, so I'm just randomly selecting things to open here and there.
Bless you -
- February/Anne Hi Anne, Yes I was born on February 21st, at the time, Wilma Flinstone was expecting Pebbles, (she hadn't been named yet. They were going to announce it when she was born on Friday and reveal the winner of the Name their baby contest) I was born on Thursday and my mother said they were going to name me whatever the flinstone baby was named (ok, they didn't but my nick name was pebbles bceause of it... ) LOL I thank you for the kind words on this and although I have worked on smoothing out some very out of place meters, I felt it was certainly worth the emotional value to keep near as I can as is... Blessings to you as well ... and thank you so much for confirming the love and goodness comes through! Liz
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Sep 29 07, 21:39
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter
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QUOTE (Lady Poet @ Sep 24 07, 02:43 ) In gentle disagreement I do not find this poem to be weak or poorly written at all, Hi Pami, Thank you so very much! I try to read it at a distance, separating it from myself but can't seem to do that - QUOTE which goes to show you I may not know much about critiquing. You see, I critique based on many things and I give merit where it's due, not because its technically perfect if there is such a thing, and I suppose I've read some, but I review based on how a poem affects me first. Did it stir emotions? Weak or strong...? Did it have life? Did it have imagery etc. Yes, on my first few reads I am more open to my 'reaction' to the poem rather than the make up of technique and poetic tools used ... then, I offer thoughts of the mechanics of poetry. however --- QUOTE Sometimes I think we lose some of what poetry is all about when we get lost in the rigid confines of rigid styles and formats QUOTE lol. Time is fleeting and unceasing and I? I change a bit, polish up some, but essensually remain true to who I am and how I write. I've tried to change and it only blocks and frustrates me. This is what I think has happened to me -- I became so focused on the mechanics in poetry that I lost the ability to 'feel' the poetry and allow it to come out in a natural, unforced verse, maintaining the substance of passion and the zen of poetry - I have had writer's block for the longest time now ... and what I do write isn't nearly as profound as my off the cuff, out of the blue, from the heart poems ... I wish there was some way to get them to flutter around together. . QUOTE Ah well, as you can well see my dear, I can be chatty in my review as well as in my own poetry. I am waiting to post my best much later so I can fool you all into thinking I've grown... HAHAAA ... no one is more loquacious than I am - so we will get along so well! :) QUOTE Your poem to your mother has all that. It shimmers and shines, a glowing testimony of your love for her and reads like a dream. It may not be metered but it flows just fine, especially when read aloud. I don't know how old you were then or are now, but of any age I feel this would be a poem to be proud of. I may be sentimental, but I'm picky too, and it isn't as easy to wow me as you might think. Thank you so very much for such a compassionate and kind review. I was 14 when I wrote it and I am 44 now ... oh how the years have faded away ... QUOTE I'm glad I've found this forum to post in, but will still be doing challenges and crit forums and trying to learn. Having said all of that if you're still with me, I dearly loved this poem and it moved me to delighted tears. I never got the chance to be someone's Mom, so I sort of read this as if it had been written for me. Blessings and hugs, Pami I have to start getting back into checking out the challenges that is when my muse rears it's weary little head. Pami you can surely hold it as if it were written for you - I am humbled by the thought... Hugs to you, Liz ...
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Sep 30 07, 07:00
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 271
Joined: 21-July 07
From: somewhere twixt 'n' tween
Member No.: 456
Real Name: Sam Richmond
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:N/A
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Dear AMETHYST;
This poem speaks on many levels. It is lovely, yes, as a poem of tribute to a loving mother... but my what a joy to read the words of a mannerly, respectful, loving young lady! Today I see poems for goth, dark, angst and I worry. I don't mean to demean that creativity, but I hold those values in your poem closest to my heart. Thank you for a wonderful 'restoration' of hope.
blessings sam
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Values are to integrity as spirit to spirituality ... the one is needed that the other is sustained ~ Sam MM Award Winner
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