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Trois-par-Huit (Three-by-Eight) Octa-Tri, New form by Cleo |
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Oct 21 05, 21:27
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Real Name: Elizabeth
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Referred By:Lori Kanter
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Hey Lori,
Good suggestion! I will either go with that or cry. Let me know from below which is most benefical to the poem.
I understand the original params were aab bb ccc but I originally did aaa bb ccc and you said it could be an alternative in the params. Either way, your suggestion actually leads the wording toward a more important tensity in meaning than what I have already. I am still going lto do further revisions on these. I would like to include some of these in the chapbook. :dance:
Homeward Bound
What keeps me here is security, I'm still so unsure...I wonder why;
The sacrifice of bills now paid has been too high, my fam'ly, friends and familiar ways-long gone by
so if one day I am not around just know that I'll be found homeward bound.
or
Homeward Bound
What keeps me here is security but fear still has a hold on me...Why?
The sacrifice of bills now paid has been too high, my fam'ly, friends and familiar ways-long gone by
so if one day I am not around just know that I'll be found homeward bound.
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Oct 21 05, 21:53
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Real Name: Elizabeth
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Referred By:Lori Kanter
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QUOTE (Cleo_Serapis @ Oct. 18 2005, 17:56) QUOTE (AMETHYST @ Oct. 11 2005, 21:37)
A Blank Slate
Starting out a new; no ounce of doubt to shadow these silent silhouettes
of yesterday. They dance about in pirouettes across my mind, reminding me of those regrets
I've left behind; I'll not contemplate slow steps to recreate a blank slate.
A PUUUURRFFFECT Piece Liz! :pharoah2
Well done - and I like a blank slate - always makes me feel I can conquer anything....
HUGS ~Cleo Thank You Lori,
This is one of my most favorite, if not THE most favorite forms. I enjoy the possibilities it offers for the rhymes, and idea it gives me as I contemplate the form and the variations in the line lengths help to adjust a strong tone of voice.
Hugs, Liz
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Oct 22 05, 08:07
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Mosaic Master
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Referred By:Imhotep
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Hi Liz.
I think I like this version a tad more of your two:
Homeward Bound
What keeps me here is security but fear still has a hold on me...Why?
The sacrifice of bills now paid has been too high, my fam'ly, friends and familiar ways-long gone by
so if one day I am not around just know that I'll be found homeward bound.
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Oct 22 05, 08:08
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Mosaic Master
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You could also say:
What keeps me here is security,
I'm still uncertain...I wonder why; OR I still hesitate...I wonder why;
The sacrifice of bills now paid has been too high, my fam'ly, friends and familiar ways-long gone by
so if one day I am not around just know that I'll be found homeward bound.
:pharoah2
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Oct 22 05, 16:19
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Real Name: Elizabeth
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Referred By:Lori Kanter
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Hey Lori, I rather like this one most too. With perhaps a tiny tweak that helps L1 and L2 to make more sense or connect better with what L3 is bringing to light for the reader. Perhaps:
QUOTE I'm still uncertain...I wonder why;
Homeward Bound
What keeps me here...is security I'm so uncertain; I wonder why?
The sacrifice of bills now paid has been too high, my fam'ly, friends and familiar ways-long gone by
so come the day I am not around rest assure--I'll be found homeward bound.
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Oct 22 05, 17:10
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Mosaic Master
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Yes - I this latest one Liz.
Well done!
~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Oct 22 05, 21:20
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Real Name: Elizabeth
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Thanks Lori.
:sun: You brighten my day (ok and my nights being it is 10 pm....) LOL
Big Hugs, Liz ... (Do you think this will fit into the chapbook theme I spoke of?)
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Oct 23 05, 06:38
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Mosaic Master
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Hi Liz. :sun:
Thanks so much! It's now the a.m. for me (7:36). :upside: :oops: :laugh:
Oh YES, this is a perfect one to go with your theme in mind for the chapbook! I am writing a response to you now....
One more thought on that revised line:
QUOTE I'm so uncertain; I wonder why?
If you didn't want that pause, you might also say:
I'm so uncertain and wonder why?
Tee hee - just another option for you. :detective:
TTYL Lori :pharoah2
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Oct 25 05, 17:41
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Hurricane
'Swoooshing' sounds surround us; rain pelts-pounds. The window pane buckles; bends to break.
This monster lurks beyond the blackness, just to make a mark upon subconscious minds, to steal...create
an aweful sense of dread and doom...shame begins to loom-a name hurricane.
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Oct 25 05, 19:42
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Mosaic Master
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Your Hurricane 3x8 Liz!
You have such a knack for these!
YES, we even felt some of her wrath today - I had a very trecherous drive into work this morning - the winds nearly swept me to the door at work as I exited my car!
This monster lurks beyond the blackness
Excellent description Liz! I could FEEL the tension in each word ~ nice alliteration too! :sprite:
~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Oct 30 05, 09:50
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Real Name: Elizabeth
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Referred By:Lori Kanter
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THank you Lori,
It is a wonderful form of poetry! Perhaps one day our grandchildren will be reading in their english books on the Trois-par-Huit Form and about its creator.
I love this form... Wilma really did her share of devastation. It has been overwhelming. Although I am grateful that there weren't too many deaths, During the hurricane, our 911 calls were heartbreaking. It is so hard to hear someone petrified, sick or injured and not be able to get them help--however it is a great feeling to know that we are their only source of help, comfort or direction on getting safe assistance during a very horrifying experience.
Here's another 3x8 ...
No one's home
Whirling Gales, debris sets sale-it flails across a blackened night..what a fright-
but Heaven hovers over keeping us in sight, through the eye of the storm, we see a future bright.
An elderly couple sits alone- his wife has passed-don't phone no one's home.
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Nov 5 05, 23:30
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The silence is more a consequence of what has been sacrificed for gain,
too high to decipher the pleasure from the pain and all too often it's regret that we maintain.
We traded what's dear to us; for play and then we gave away time to pray.
The silence is more a consequence of what we've lost for material gain,
so high; we can't decipher pleasure from the pain and all too often it's regret that we maintain.
We traded what's dear to us; we pray for growth then give away our today.
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Nov 7 05, 06:28
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Mosaic Master
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These are such poignant pieces Liz.
Each has its own distinct message - in such few words.
BRAVO! ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Nov 13 05, 14:52
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Mosaic Master
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OK Rellie... I've just written another one today - hope you like! Traditions
Marketplace
adorned in powdered lace
windows welcome wide-eyed young and old
to join the warmth, partake of season’s festive hold
where small town merriment and heritage unfold
melodic spirited renditions
Winter’s compositions
Traditions
© Lorraine M Kanter 13 Nov 2005
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Nov 13 05, 15:08
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Real Name: Elizabeth
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Hey Lori,
Absolutely divine! The message is something that touched my heart deep inside, because I have been going through battle with myself of reaching back torwards family/home and traditions and your poem reminded me of how important and warming those things really are.
One suggestion. In L5; perhaps-
where small town merriment and heritage unfold
The reasons for my suggestion is that your title and final line are traditions and it would help to omit that near repeat, as well as allow the line to flow in one smooth motion for the meaning.
Well... A wonderful choice form for the message and a great big hug for the skill!
Hugs, Liz
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Nov 13 05, 15:12
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These 3 final lines could be a poem within themselves...
melodic spirited renditions
Winter’s compositions
Traditions
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Nov 13 05, 15:28
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Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
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From: Massachusetts
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Real Name: Lori Kanter
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Referred By:Imhotep
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Nov 20 05, 16:24
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A new Day
I believe; that stars are quite naive and the moon secretively espies
us from above; pale gray clouds against ebon skies hide angels as they gather to decide who flies~
in dreams; we live long, love deep and pray fam'ly unites to stay- a new day!
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Nov 20 05, 16:35
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Mosaic Master
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Breathtakingly beautious Liz!
This is so lovely and this part:
pale gray clouds against ebon skies hide angels as they gather to decide who flies~
in dreams;
Superb!
~Cleo :pharoah2
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Nov 20 05, 18:27
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Group: Gold Member
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From: Florida
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Real Name: Elizabeth
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Referred By:Lori Kanter
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