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> Good Time Girl, Love and humor
Guest_ohsteve_*
post Nov 3 10, 19:08
Post #1





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Good Time Girl

Brush of the wind steals
your name from my lips.
Where it was but a whisper
in a dream, a kiss, lighter
than butterfly footsteps.

Your voice was the murmur
of a rain drop from a leaf,
that rose to a waterfalls
thunderous roar.

It's song a susurration
of love, at first I was afraid
that you would not hear,
thought of disappointment,
when your hand on my shoulder
touched me and you said

"Hey sailor, looking for a good time?"

3 Nov 2010
© Steve Pray
 
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Psyche
post Nov 11 10, 23:55
Post #2


Ornate Oracle
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Group: Praetorian
Posts: 8,877
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting



QUOTE (ohsteve @ Nov 4 10, 02:08 ) *
Good Time Girl

Brush of the wind steals
your name from my lips.
Where it was but a whisper
in a dream, a kiss, lighter
than butterfly footsteps.

Simply lovely S1, Steve. I love the last line, so delicate.

Your voice was the murmur
of a rain drop from a leaf,
that rose to a waterfalls
thunderous roar.

Same here. Impressive L3 & 4.

It's song a susurration
of love, at first I was afraid
that you would not hear,
thought of disappointment,
when your hand on my shoulder
touched me and you said

"Hey sailor, looking for a good time?"

I love your finale, Steve, but I'm a bit bewildered at the twist in the last S. Somehow I think the connection needs some re-inforcing between S1 & 2, with S3. Not sure whether it's the same girl, or some of the author's memories, or if it all really happened.

Maybe it doesn't matter. I think your poem is lovely.

Hugs, Syl***


3 Nov 2010
© Steve Pray



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The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


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Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



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