Sonnet (with suggested revision), Happy Thoughts Options

[jerryk]

Revised Sonnet to Happy Thoughts

At times, when fair poetic winds do fail
And leave me in the doldrums latitude
Without a breeze to fill a sonnet’s sail,
I simply save my sinking attitude
By taking Shakespeare’s quill. And so I write,
But still abstain from lines much brayed by mules
That whine about past loves, and themes too trite,
Their overuse has dulled these once sharp tools.
Of joyful things I’d rather write to you.
Let songs of cheerful spring and summertime
Replace the wintry owls’ “Tu-whit, tu-who”—
(I robbed “Love’s Labour’s Lost” to suit this rhyme).
When gladness fills a poet’s heart, I'll share;
Self-pity falls on ears that do not care.

Sonnet to Happy Thoughts ** original

At times, when fair poetic winds do fail
And leave me in the doldrums latitude
Without a breeze to fill a sonnet’s sail,
I simply save my sinking attitude
By taking Shakespeare’s quill. And then I write,
But still abstain from lines much brayed by mules
That whine about past loves, and themes so trite,
Their overuse has dulled these once sharp tools.
Of joyful things I’d rather write to you.
Let songs of cheerful spring and summertime
Replace the wintry owls’ “Tu-whit, tu-who”—
(I robbed “Love’s Labour’s Lost” to suit this rhyme).
When gladness fills a poet’s heart, then share;
Self-pity falls on ears that do not care.

[Psyche]

Hi Jerry,
I really enjoyed reading this sonnet Happy Thoughts. You've handled your lines so deftly...I envy you!

Sonnet to Happy Thoughts **

At times, when fair poetic winds do fail
And leave me in the doldrums latitude
Without a breeze to fill a sonnet’s sail, <<<<<<< fantastic.

I simply save my sinking attitude
By taking Shakespeare’s quill. And then I write, <<<<great idea, must do that...LOL.

But still abstain from lines much brayed by mules <<<<<makes me laugh!

That whine about past loves, and themes so trite, <<<<< quite so.
Their overuse has dulled these once sharp tools.<<<< a shame...

Of joyful things I’d rather write to you.
Let songs of cheerful spring and summertime
Replace the wintry owls’ “Tu-whit, tu-who”—
(I robbed “Love’s Labour’s Lost” to suit this rhyme). <<<< haha! Very good.
When gladness fills a poet’s heart, then share;
Self-pity falls on ears that do not care. <<<<<Well, 'self-pity' surely doesn't, but there are loads of great sad sonnets from the quills of the best poets that touch one's heart deeply. But I appreciate your point, this is an amusing piece and I like it.

I can't nit because I'm no sonnet writer; just try my hand now and again and hope to be critted gently!
Cheers, Syl***

[jerryk]

Good Morning, Sylvia;
thank you very much for your kind remarks. Actually, I don't recall a "perfect" poem springing from my pen--ever. I believe that absolute perfection in a poem's structure may please the critical fellow-poet who applauds one's work, even though it lacks in contents; and therein I see a flaw. I am so pleased to see that this sonnet pleased you, Sylvia. Thanks again,
Jerry

[Larry]

Hi Jerry,

There's not a lot one can crit about with your sonnet because it is in perfect IP and the turn brought a wry smile. My only comment would have to do with all the "first word" capitalizations of each line. I know, some do it and some don't but it may confuse the reader (it does confuse this reader). I try, when reading poetry, to concentrate on what is being said more than the rhyme at the end of each line. When capitalization of each line is used it's like the beginning of a new sentence rather than the beginning of a new line of thought. Punctuation enhances each new thought or phrase and enjambment, when needed, brings a nice thought picture to the mind.

It's probably just me and is no big deal so "tot".

It is a very nice goad to those who would use endlessly overused idioms to express themselves.

Nicely done!

Larry

[jerryk]

Hi Jerry,

There's not a lot one can crit about with your sonnet because it is in perfect IP and the turn brought a wry smile. My only comment would have to do with all the "first word" capitalizations of each line. I know, some do it and some don't but it may confuse the reader (it does confuse this reader). I try, when reading poetry, to concentrate on what is being said more than the rhyme at the end of each line. When capitalization of each line is used it's like the beginning of a new sentence rather than the beginning of a new line of thought. Punctuation enhances each new thought or phrase and enjambment, when needed, brings a nice thought picture to the mind.

It's probably just me and is no big deal so "tot".

It is a very nice goad to those who would use endlessly overused idioms to express themselves.

Nicely done!

Larry

Hi Larry;

Capitalizing the first word in a line seems to be traditional, and using or not using it is a decision that a poet has to make. It is true that the use of caps is personal, especially so in contemporary sonnets and poems. I have no problem with your suggestion to do away with those caps in this Shakespearean style sonnet. I understand that the first letter's capitalization in each line came about when poets wanted to set their lines apart from all other writings and for other reasons. Thanks so much for your kind suggestion and comment.
Jerry

[Psyche]

Hi again, Jerry,

Just to continue this interesting thread that sprang from your amusing sonnet.

I re-read W.S.'s Sonnet I and I'm amazed at his use of end rhymes, which certainly add to the perfection of his poems. Maybe they are the reason that he's never to be forgotten.

For example:

die
memory

(I remember my dear mother telling me that the author wanted one to emphasize certain sounds, such as reading 'memory' to rhyme with 'die'. Sometimes one had to read the word as 'memoree'. And so on. Was she right?)

ornament
content

spring
niggarding

(This last one is fantastic! )

So let's have fun and copy the master!

Concerning Caps, there appears to be a return to that in some poetry, present authors. I agree with Larry about Caps 'getting in the way' of the flow and comprehension. I've even seen them used in prize-winning FV poems!

Don't know what to think. I bet the authors don't know the origins of that rule, which Larry mentions. Interesting.

Cheers, Syl***

[jerryk]

Hi again, Jerry,

Just to continue this interesting thread that sprang from your amusing sonnet.

I re-read W.S.'s Sonnet I and I'm amazed at his use of end rhymes, which certainly add to the perfection of his poems. Maybe they are the reason that he's never to be forgotten.

For example:

die
memory

(I remember my dear mother telling me that the author wanted one to emphasize certain sounds, such as reading 'memory' to rhyme with 'die'. Sometimes one had to read the word as 'memoree'. And so on. Was she right?)

ornament
content

spring
niggarding

(This last one is fantastic! )

So let's have fun and copy the master!

Concerning Caps, there appears to be a return to that in some poetry, present authors. I agree with Larry about Caps 'getting in the way' of the flow and comprehension. I've even seen them used in prize-winning FV poems!

Don't know what to think. I bet the authors don't know the origins of that rule, which Larry mentions. Interesting.

Cheers, Syl***

Hi again, Sylvia;
concerning sonnets; having given this matter further thought, I have to stand by my personal preference to cap the first letter in each line. I understand that some publishers would prefer the non-capitalization because it may be easier on their contemporary readers eye. Honestly, in my circles, I hardly know of any poetry readers, and I can see where those caps would startle, even confuse them. I think that we poets write for other poets, rather than "the unwashed masses." Hardly anyone cares for what we have to say. I find that mostly poets buy the works of other poets. In my own unpretentious writings I always strive to keep my poetry free of words that would send them looking for a dictionary; yet, one of my acquaintances failed to grasp the simplest of my verses--and told me so.

"Spring" and "nigggarding"? It makes sense to me. In both lines the beat and syllable count is correct. Concerning "niggarding": I can't remember the name of our American statesman who had used the word "niggardly" and found himself misunderstood by some ignoramus. It's true. About "die" and "memory," I believe that in Old Will's days "memory" would have been pronounced as "memor-eye." English spelling and pronunciation continues to evolve, and, who know, what our language will sound like 200 years from now.
Below is Will's Sonnet 1.

Thanks again, Sylvia; you are lots of fun. Take care,
Jerry

Sonnet 1

From fairest creatures we desire increase,
That thereby beauty’s rose might never die,
But as the riper should by time decease
His tender heir might bear his memory.
But thou, contracted to thine own bright eyes,
Feed’st thy light’s flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
Thyself thy foe, to thy sweet self too cruel.
Thou that art now the world’s fresh ornament
And only herald to the gaudy spring,
Within thine own bud buriest thy content,
And, tender churl, mak’st waste in niggarding.
  Pity the world, or else this glutton be,
  To eat the world’s due, by the grave and thee.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Jerry,

What a lovely sonnet to happy thoughts indeed!

I only have a few little nits to share for you to T & T as you wish.

I am not used to seeing sonnets as one long stanza, but it's not to say anything should be edited. Usually, I see them in a group of 8 lines (the octave) followed by a group of 6 lines (the sestet), OR in a common English form of 3 quatrains followed by a couplet. The closing couplet always summarizes the poem and I do like yours here. YES, please DO share your poet's heart!

By taking Shakespeare’s quill. And then I write,

Maybe in this line I would change to 'And so I write'.

That whine about past loves, and themes so trite,

Maybe change this line to 'or themes too trite'.

When gladness fills a poet’s heart, then share;
Self-pity falls on ears that do not care.

My only suggestion for the couplet is to perhaps change the word 'then' to 'I'll".

Enjoyed the read!
~Cleo

[jerryk]

Hi Jerry,

What a lovely sonnet to happy thoughts indeed!

I only have a few little nits to share for you to T & T as you wish.

I am not used to seeing sonnets as one long stanza, but it's not to say anything should be edited. Usually, I see them in a group of 8 lines (the octave) followed by a group of 6 lines (the sestet), OR in a common English form of 3 quatrains followed by a couplet. The closing couplet always summarizes the poem and I do like yours here. YES, please DO share your poet's heart!

By taking Shakespeare’s quill. And then I write,

Maybe in this line I would change to 'And so I write'.

That whine about past loves, and themes so trite,

Maybe change this line to 'or themes too trite'.

When gladness fills a poet’s heart, then share;
Self-pity falls on ears that do not care.

My only suggestion for the couplet is to perhaps change the word 'then' to 'I'll".

Enjoyed the read!
~Cleo

Hi Cleo;
thanks for reading and commenting on my happy thoughts. Yeah, these "little songs" do require some thought and there's always something that I find awkward in many of my sonnets. I appreciate your suggestions and will make minor changes. Happy 1st day of summer. Thanks again, and my best to you,
Jerry

[Cleo_Serapis]

Happy Summer indeed, Jerry!

I look forward to seeing any changes you may make!

~Cleo

[jerryk]

Happy Summer indeed, Jerry!

I look forward to seeing any changes you may make!

~Cleo

Hello again, Cleo;
I did make those minor changes, and thank you for your suggestions. The Shakespearean sonnet is always shown in a continuous group of three quatrains and the gg couplet. On occasion I have seen a sestet (including the couplet) separate from the first two quatrain, most likely to emphasize the Volta or "turn" of the idea. Also, I have seen the concluding rhymed couplet set apart from the quatrains, however, I try to adhere to Shakespeare's formula rather than deviations. It is true that Shakespeare indented his couplets, which I often forget to do in my sonnet. Interestingly, Shakespeare and later poets often varied from strict adherence to the iambic pattern. The contemporary sonnet is a different matter; but there is more to writing a sonnet than jotting down 14 lines. Thought I should share my thoughts with you. Thanks for the return,
Jerry

[Cleo_Serapis]

YAY Jerry. Thanks for your fascinating response too. I still shy away from sonnets but live reading them.

[jerryk]

YAY Jerry. Thanks for your fascinating response too. I still shy away from sonnets but live reading them.

Thanks again Cleo!
I must have cobbled together some fifty or more of those little darlings, lol. The beauty of those is that each sonnet is a concise poem. Take care,
Jerry

[Thoth]

So true indeed!

But still abstain from lines much brayed by mules
That whine about past loves, and themes too trite,
Their overuse has dulled these once sharp tools.

I applaud these lines!! and spoken in classic voice too with a touch (nay a good dollop) of sarcasm.

It becomes progressively more difficult for the modern poet to create anything really fresh so even good writers are accused of being cliche. That where the great masters excelled, they invented most of the language we accept today which really shows it is up to poets to push the envelop and keep our language moving forward.

The odd dodgy rhyme or slip in metre may or may be explained away but considering they had none of the benefits we enjoy today like computers and internet, their work is remarkable.


Keep em commin!

Cheers,

Wal

[jerryk]

So true indeed!

But still abstain from lines much brayed by mules
That whine about past loves, and themes too trite,
Their overuse has dulled these once sharp tools.

I applaud these lines!! and spoken in classic voice too with a touch (nay a good dollop) of sarcasm.

It becomes progressively more difficult for the modern poet to create anything really fresh so even good writers are accused of being cliche. That where the great masters excelled, they invented most of the language we accept today which really shows it is up to poets to push the envelop and keep our language moving forward.

The odd dodgy rhyme or slip in metre may or may be explained away but considering they had none of the benefits we enjoy today like computers and internet, their work is remarkable.


Keep em commin!

Cheers,

Wal

Hi Walter,
and thanks for your insightful comment. It's good to know that one isn't that lone man on an island surrounded by nothing but endless waves of meaningless laundry lists, vague metaphors, and other recipes that nowadays are called poetry.

I find that poetry should be attractive and readable when viewed by the layperson, meaning not just for fellow poets but the person who reads for pure enjoyment. And that is why my own style is closer to that of 19 Century poets; my poems express complete thoughts, rather than obscure fragments of notions that the reader is expected to develop in the mind. One poetry instructor told me that my verses read too much like "newspaper snippets," but I feel that what's been good enough for the old masters should be good enough for me. As far as I'm concerned, I prefer to adhere to the old school. I just quit another site that featured poets who presented the most discombobulated stuff that would lead to guesswork on part of anyone that might care to comment.
Now totally confused, I might just as well write for personal enjoyment--or withdraw from writing poetry (that will be the day!)
I am, however, grateful for your appreciation of my effort and shall continue to contribute to this site. Thank you Wal, and please, ignore my ranting and raving. It's been a bad morning, lol.
Jerry