 White Wide-eyed Wonder |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
| Guest_ohsteve_* |
 Jul 21 10, 11:06
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#1
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White Wide-eyed Wonder
There was a snowfall in the woodland, but who will see beyond the white trees. There is a white tailed buck looking back at me does he see, what does he see? And there's a white rabbit under yonder pine he's not mine but he sure is fine in that white coat without black tie I wonder why, I sure do wonder why... No one can see, no they don't see these things are free, yes they're free because of me but I still have them for eternity in my eyes and memories. Like a white dove flying free they went one their way, as I went on mine. Down the road, down the road, I am gone. |
  
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Jul 21 10, 16:16
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#2
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hi Steve
It's so good to read a poem from you again. This one is intriguing - a winter wonderland, mixed with Bright Eyes & Alice Through the Looking Glass. I'm not sure if you want a critique, but I'll pass on my thoughts. It perhaps needs a just little trim. White Wide-eyed Wonder Love the title! There was a snowfall in the woodland, but who will see beyond the white trees? Question mark at end There is a white tailed buck looking back at me does he see, what does he see? Possibly, trim last 2 lines to does he see me? And there's a white rabbit under yonder pine he's not mine but he sure is fine in that white coat without black tie [I wonder why,] I sure do wonder why... No one can see, [no they don't see] these things are free, yes they're free because of me,comma but I still have them for eternity in my eyes and memories. Like a white dove flying free they went on[e] their way, as I went on mine. Down the road, [down the road,] I am gone. Sp. L2 on I'm not too keen on the repeats - but that's just me. Others mat see this differently A very enjoyable read all the same - bring on some more! LOL! Snow  ·······  ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner            |
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| Guest_ohsteve_* |
Jul 26 10, 08:26
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#3
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Snow, Thanks for reading and the kind words, this was written right after I saw a photo my sister took from this last Feb of a snowstorm in Maine. Unfortunately I have not been doing well. Have been bed ridden more or less for the last week and a half, my lungs decided it was time to make Steve hurt some more. I am now on a nebulizer not that it helps much. would like to find the 60 pound person who keeps insisting on sitting on my chest. I want to sit on theirs for a while. Plus my lower stomach and intestines have been taking me on roller coaster rides again. Up and down, back and forth to the throne room. Don't feel very hungry after a few bouts of that. Nurse and doctor from hospice keep wanting me to go into their care facility, I keep saying no... If I have to go I want to go at home, plus I keep asking them what more are they going to do there that they cant do here, the answer is not much. I'd rather stay home thanks. At least here I have a lot more privacy, and I can get up and raid the fridge...lol. Ah well
You take care Steve |
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