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> Gifts, Tetrameter Sonnet
Larry
post Aug 17 18, 15:46
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Gifts

When God encased my soul within
that embryo for life on earth
there was no mark or stain of sin
upon its face until my birth.

The gift He gave was mine to keep
until that time allotted me
when, worn and frail, that final sleep
assailed me with mortality.

What I have done throughout my days
which might dishonor or degrade
this vessel of the soul displays
the choices made. I’m unafraid

for souls are given to be healed
by precious blood that had been spilled.


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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greenwich
post Aug 29 18, 13:00
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Stanza 2 me and mortality do not rhyme Otherwise an excellent poem


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JaxMyth
post Aug 30 18, 08:12
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Larry,

While I do not have a problem with 'me' and 'mortality' 'healed and spilled bring me up short.

I am a little unsure of the theology in L1-4 and indeed in much of the rest. It does not give insight.

I would like to be more positive but cannot at this stage,

Regards,

Jax


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JaxMyth
post Aug 30 18, 08:18
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Sorry Larry I did not note the lack of asterisks.


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Larry
post Aug 30 18, 12:45
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Hello Anthony and Jax,

What a surprise to find anyone commenting on my posts other than Daniel. Although there were no asterisks requesting critique, I don't mind at all.

Answering the first: It may be because of pronunciation differences but according to my Espy's "Words to Rhyme With" both sets of aforementioned end-rhymes are referenced to be proper. Any long "e" sound rhymes with nearly all words ending with "y", whether it be "ly", "ty", etc. I've no clue as to your problem with "healed/spilled" rhyme.

Now, as far as the theology in L1-4 and continuing throughout the rest of the poem, it all has to do with the gift of a "soul". When it is placed or given by some omnipotent being, it is pure and unscarred by sin or other stain derived from living life. What one does throughout life can mar the purity of that soul but Christian teachings lead us to believe the blood which was shed on the cross washes the soul clean. I know different faiths believe different things and I've explored a few of them but most lead one to believe that forgiveness is given when the truly penitent ask.

Don't really like getting into a theological dissertation so I will leave you with the above explanation of the poems' content.

Appreciate the visit very much seeing as how MM is nearly a ghost town these days.

Larry


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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JaxMyth
post Aug 30 18, 20:13
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QUOTE (Larry @ Aug 31 18, 03:45 ) *
Hello Anthony and Jax,

What a surprise to find anyone commenting on my posts other than Daniel. Although there were no asterisks requesting critique, I don't mind at all.

Answering the first: It may be because of pronunciation differences but according to my Espy's "Words to Rhyme With" both sets of aforementioned end-rhymes are referenced to be proper. Any long "e" sound rhymes with nearly all words ending with "y", whether it be "ly", "ty", etc. I've no clue as to your problem with "healed/spilled" rhyme.

Now, as far as the theology in L1-4 and continuing throughout the rest of the poem, it all has to do with the gift of a "soul". When it is placed or given by some omnipotent being, it is pure and unscarred by sin or other stain derived from living life. What one does throughout life can mar the purity of that soul but Christian teachings lead us to believe the blood which was shed on the cross washes the soul clean. I know different faiths believe different things and I've explored a few of them but most lead one to believe that forgiveness is given when the truly penitent ask.

Don't really like getting into a theological dissertation so I will leave you with the above explanation of the poems' content.

Appreciate the visit very much seeing as how MM is nearly a ghost town these days.

Larry


'healed' has a long 'e' 'spilled' has a short 'i' ergo no rhyme.


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Larry
post Aug 30 18, 21:40
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Jax,

This is not a case of vowel rhyme but is known as consonantal rhyme where the rhyme matches the end of the syllable whether it is accented or not. For instance: easy - busy or fast - waste, etc.

I'll leave it like it is.

Thanks,
Larry


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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JaxMyth
post Aug 31 18, 06:02
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Larry,
Larry,

Consonant rhyme is the rhyming of consonants that bookend the vowel.

Examples:

spill/spall
crimp/cramp
metre/mitre
ground/groaned

Wilfred Owens uses it to great effect in his poetry.

Regards,

Jax





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Larry
post Aug 31 18, 08:26
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Hi Jax,

I agree with you 100% that "Consonance" Rhyme is not the sound of the vowel in the stressed syllable but instead that of the opening and closing consonants which make the match.

Examples: tick, tack, tuck, tock - bit, bat, hot, hut

The problem is, we are comparing apples and oranges. I referenced "Consonantal" rhyme which matches "only" the sound that ends the syllable.

Examples: missing, bussing where the "ing" sound rhymes much like my usage of healed-spilled where the "led" ending of both words is the rhyme sound.

All this may be educational to some folks reading our back-and-forth but, to me, it detracts from the message I wanted to convey in my poem.

Again, I appreciate your input.

Thanks,
Larry


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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JaxMyth
post Aug 31 18, 14:28
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Larry,

Could you please point me towards an authority for your consonantal rhyme?

Regards,

Jax


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Larry
post Sep 1 18, 19:22
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No Problem Jax,

My references are derived from "Words To Rhyme With" by Willard R. Espy, updated by Orin Hargraves, Third Edition. ISBN 0-8160-6304-4

It has become a bit tattered with extensive use, mostly in the "Introduction" section of the book, but I find it a superb source of material on types of rhyme, poem nomenclature, lyric verse and its country of origin, rhyme schemes for just about any kind of form poetry, etc.

It contains a great list of single, double and triple rhymes in the main section and a fantastic glossary of words in the back to help anyone in their search for rhyming words.

If you are able to get the book, the paragraph about Consonantal Rhyme can be found at the bottom of page 5.

Happy hunting,
Larry


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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