The Black Pearl, Iambic Pentameter Options

[Guest_Don_*]

The Black Pearl

The model sailing ship of make believe
with crew of free hands, not ancient but old,
display a bony flag on sky bound seas
of lotto treasure chests and rainbow gold.

Our freedom crests on the deep ocean waves
as filled by square rigged sail in nimble breeze,
which wafts a foul fate into blissful state,
as faerie nymphs flit among the trees.

To remain sane, just scheme inane as guest
aboard the vessel, Black Pearl, to inflate
desire, to range and freeboot fabled goods.
The tide is ripe. Sail now, before too late.

© 2007, D.E. Holmes
05 July

Meter: Iambic Pentameter

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi Merlin,

I agree with the need for additional "s". I am surprised you didn't object to the land image with trees. Thank you for dropping by with an eagle eye.

You know how you check and check and check and revise and revise and revise. As soon as it goes to press the flubbs fall loose like flys. Self checking sucks.

Don

[Mistral]

Oh dear me!
Reading the comments, I have just realised how far I still have to go as I still use lame rhyming like those mentioned by Merlin. When I do post my poems containing them, I'll just leave it open for alternative suggestions.
Back to yours......I read all the great comments and suggestions given to you and find myself in awe of the expertise displayed by a bunch of obviously very able and knowledgable people, so all I'm going to say is that I really enjoyed this poem as it gave me a sense of mystery.

Hugs,
M