 Haiku or not, Wizard Award ~ haiku without season |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun's Psalms
 Jun 1 07, 17:44
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 Laureate Legionnaire  Posts: 376 Joined: 28-May 07 From: Co. Galway, Ireland Member No.: 440 Real Name: Terry O C Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Ephiny  |
4th version
 a soft kiss upon my skin snowflake With special thanks to Lary, Cleo, Liz and Snow. 3rd version softly as snowfall she kisses, I feel it not cool upon my skin 2nd version Softly like snowfall she kisses, I feel it not cold upon my skin 1st version Softly so softly
you kiss me, I felt it not not upon my skin ·······  ·······Terry
light lights light --Raymond Rosliep "The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates." --Oscar Wilde MM Award Winner      |
  
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| Guest_Kathy_* |
Jun 2 07, 18:01
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Terocon wrote:
I want to make this fit into haiku form without changing the look of the words too much, I like those lips. Ah, you are trying to make a sight poem? I see it now: Softly like snowfall she kisses, I feel it not cold upon my skin Terry, I think you have got the wrong end of the stick as to what haiku is. Westerners made mistakes from the beginning. Poor old haiku; it was further dishonoured and degraded by the 'anything in 5/7/5 syllables' school. haiku is ancient; traditional poetry from Japan. There's an immense amount of information on the web, so if you want to write it properly, some work is needed. Have a look at some of the links here, and follow the lessons in others' posts. Best wishes, mate. |
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Jun 3 07, 12:47
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 376 Joined: 28-May 07 From: Co. Galway, Ireland Member No.: 440 Real Name: Terry O C Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Ephiny |
QUOTE (Kathy @ Jun 3 07, 00:01 )  Terocon wrote: I want to make this fit into haiku form without changing the look of the words too much, I like those lips. Ah, you are trying to make a sight poem? I see it now: Softly like snowfall she kisses, I feel it not cold upon my skin Terry, I think you have got the wrong end of the stick as to what haiku is. Westerners made mistakes from the beginning. Poor old haiku; it was further dishonoured and degraded by the 'anything in 5/7/5 syllables' school. haiku is ancient; traditional poetry from Japan. There's an immense amount of information on the web, so if you want to write it properly, some work is needed. Have a look at some of the links here, and follow the lessons in others' posts. Best wishes, mate. Hi Kathy, OK, so what I have written above is a 17 syllable sight poem, not haiku, I can live with that. Still, I may try once more to conform and honor is origins instead of having to commit hari-kari. I will have a look around here and a few other sites, maybe theres a haiku for dummies out there. I do know it came west in the 15th century so maybe its time to break away from tradition and evolve a little. Although between yours and the other ladies advice I think I'm already getting a feel for it. So thanks to one and all. These bloody haiku I dont really see the point thats if I have one Ps. Am I the lone male voice in the world of mosaic musings wanting to learn haiku. Lol Terry ······· ·······Terry
light lights light --Raymond Rosliep "The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates." --Oscar Wilde MM Award Winner |
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Posts in this topic
Terocon101 Haiku or not Jun 1 07, 17:44 
laryalee Hi Terry,
it's nice to meet you!
This is s... Jun 1 07, 21:27 
Terocon101 Hi Lary,
the pleasures all mine. I'm glad you... Jun 2 07, 15:47 Eisa Hi Terry
I give a thumbs up to a tanka for this o... Jun 2 07, 04:50 Terocon101 QUOTE (Eisa @ Jun 2 07, 10:50 ) Hi Terry
... Jun 2 07, 15:51 Cleo_Serapis Hi Terry,
Welcome to our new forum!
On firs... Jun 2 07, 06:35 Terocon101 Hi Cleo,
thanks, I think you've hit the nail ... Jun 2 07, 15:59 laryalee Hi Terry,
one thing that takes time to understand
... Jun 3 07, 00:05 Terocon101 Hi Lary,
I hear what your saying and I love your ... Jun 3 07, 13:10 AMETHYST Hello Terry,
I am a newbie in the world of Haiku... Jun 3 07, 14:02 Terocon101 [quote name='AMETHYST' date='Jun 3 07,... Jun 4 07, 17:22 laryalee Terry,
it's a delight to discuss this with you... Jun 3 07, 15:39 Terocon101 Hi Lary,
neighbour's field
newborn lambs play... Jun 4 07, 20:00 Terocon101 Whoops Jun 4 07, 20:05 Kathy QUOTE These bloody haiku
I dont really see the poi... Jun 4 07, 21:24 Terocon101 Kathy wrote,
Hahahaha Terry. You'll be glad t... Jun 5 07, 11:39 laryalee a soft kiss
upon my skin
snowflake
Terry, this is... Jun 5 07, 12:46 JustDaniel A wonderful discussion! Thank you all... and ... Jun 29 07, 19:46 Terocon101 Hello again Danny boy,
glad you enjoyed, I can ha... Jun 29 07, 20:38 Rosemerta Hey there, Terry,
It has been interesting readi... Jul 1 07, 14:02 Terocon101 QUOTE (Rosemerta @ Jul 1 07, 20:02 ) Hey ... Jul 9 07, 15:39 4rum Hey Terry...
I think when contemplating a new d... Jul 21 07, 17:38 Terocon101 Hi Sam,
firstly, it's a pleasure to meet you ... Jul 22 07, 16:35 4rum Morning Terry;
Part of the point there was in the... Jul 23 07, 04:31 JustDaniel ... but I think that others have well noted that 5... Jul 23 07, 09:28 Terocon101 Hey Daniel,
Yeah, I think we're all in mutual... Jul 23 07, 13:56 Lady Poet Yes! Yes! YES!!!
Terry your 4... Sep 27 07, 03:54 Terocon101 Hi Pami,
I have to say I'm happy with that ... Sep 27 07, 07:23 Lady Poet You're so very welcome Terry...this modern for... Sep 27 07, 08:18 Terocon101 Classes...here...?...Well, yes & no, by worksh... Sep 27 07, 11:01 Cleo_Serapis Congrats Terry on your wizard award winning tile... Nov 4 07, 10:43 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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