We Grieve En Masse, x10 Challenge - Revised 6/6/07 Options

[JLY]

1st Revision: 6/6/07

WE GRIEVE EN MASSE

We pray today for the fearless;
bugles' echoes solemnly flow
casting a faithful closing veil
with reverence, we now bestow.

Processions of grieving marchers
lay wreaths at every sacred tomb;
honors, mothers never envisioned
the day their child left the womb.

Many rally cries for retribution,
but who is the enemy we fight?
Power should never embolden us
to deny one's unalienable rights.

WE GRIEVE EN MASSE

We pray today for the unafraid;
solemn echoes of bugles' blows
cast their faithful closing veil
with reverence we only now bestow.

Processions of grieving marchers
lay wreaths at every sacred tomb,
accolades, mothers never envisioned
the day their prince left the womb.

Many of us rally the cry for retribution,
but who is the enemy we seek to fight?
May our children learn that other cultures
are also blessed with an inalienable right.

Words used (in order of appearance): pray, unafraid, echoes, bugle, faith, tombs, accolade, prince, learn, right

[AMETHYST]

Hi John,

First thank you for this wonderful reminder of those we often forget to remember. I liked that title. It is strong and triggers a multitude of images before setting into the poem. You have a sharpened eye for blending and creating with the chosen words and this is a fine example of that skill.

Some thoughts and comments to follow. Wonderful to read this and then the time to sit in remembrance of what they really mean to us.

Hugs, Liz

WE GRIEVE EN MASSE

We pray today for the unafraid;
solemn echoes of bugles' blows
cast their faithful closing veil
with reverence we only now bestow.

In L2, perhaps ... bugles' blow
L3, what a crisp image ... cast their faithful closing veil ...
In L4, I would suggest omitting only.
Leaving ... "with reverence, we now bestow. "


Processions of grieving marchers
lay wreaths at every sacred tomb,
accolades, mothers never envisioned
the day their prince left the womb.

Although L3 felt awkward, I cannot offer a change or suggest one, as the meaning of this stanza is just so strong in its intent, that changing the word choices might dislocate the depth of mothers that never could imagine their children going off to war, when they entered this earth ...
Perhaps accolades isn't the word here... maybe ...

lay wreaths at every sacred tomb,
while mothers never had envisioned
this day, when their prince left the womb.



Many of us rally the cry for retribution,
but who is the enemy we seek to fight?
May our children learn that other cultures
are also blessed with an inalienable right.


L1, perhaps omitting 'the after rally.

Unfortunately, this day is to remember the men who give their lives and their freedoms so that we may keep ours and to keep our lives... sadly, let's just say ... this war isn't for retribution - I enjoyed the reminder of grieving and giving homage to those who allow me this day ... today and hopefully, tomorrow!

Hugs, Liz ...