Bridling the Wind -w/edits, sonnet Options

[Michelle]

Bridling the Wind +++w/edits

Her kisses moored her children home in bed
away from whirlpool depths and wizard's ire,
while tucks of linen cooled capricious fires
and feather down allayed each flaxen head.
She tethered dreams to earth with close-knit threads*
from apron strings, for growing up requires
they clamber concrete steps to venture higher;
reality demands its daily bread.

She never gripped a silver spoon until
her children had arrived; she warmed each one
with kindled dreams and forged their hollow bends*
as flat as trowels-- tools that might fulfill
adventures which imagination's spun.*
Her children fashioned stairways to ascend.



* = edited lines




+++original

Bridling the Wind

Her kisses moored her children home in bed
away from whirlpool depths and wizard's ire,
while tucks of linen cooled capricious fires
and feather down allayed each flaxen head.
She tethered dreams to earth with threads
from apron strings, for growing up requires
they clamber concrete steps to venture higher;
reality demands its daily bread.

She never gripped a silver spoon until
her children had arrived; she warmed each one
in kilns of dreams and forged their hollow bend
as flat as trowels-- tools that might fulfill
the ventures which imagination spun.
Her children fashioned stairways to ascend.

[AMETHYST]

Hi Michelle,

First let me to you for the excellent use of 'moored' and your title. The title is a guarenteed hook for a readers interest and L1 secures that interest through out the poem - The opening image is puissant, with the fresh use of new and exciting words, such as 'moored' ... The metaphor is powerful. It holds together and tightly knit. Of course you now know about L5, I was thinking along the lines of ...

She tethered dreams to earth with thinning threads

but will return with some better suggestions or thoughts...

In L7, I stumbled abit with 'they clamber ...' I think it is that I am hearing 'they clamber ... as stress/stress/unstress ... but that may be my ear... But some sort of consideration might be ...

clambering concrete steps to venture higher...

In L11 I too, was a little confused or unsure what this meant or how to read into it...

Other than those minor nibbles, the poem ends on a wonderful line which pulls it all together. Great work.

Best Wishes, and dreams ... Liz

Bridling the Wind

Her kisses moored her children home in bed
away from whirlpool depths and wizard’s ire,
while tucks of linen cooled capricious fires
and feather down allayed each flaxen head.
She tethered dreams to earth with threads
from apron strings, for growing up requires
they clamber concrete steps to venture higher;
reality demands its daily bread.

She never gripped a silver spoon until
her children had arrived; she warmed each one
in kilns of dreams and forged their hollow bend
as flat as trowels-- tools that might fulfill
the ventures which imagination spun.
Her children fashioned stairways to ascend.