Bridling the Wind -w/edits, sonnet Options

[Michelle]

Bridling the Wind +++w/edits

Her kisses moored her children home in bed
away from whirlpool depths and wizard's ire,
while tucks of linen cooled capricious fires
and feather down allayed each flaxen head.
She tethered dreams to earth with close-knit threads*
from apron strings, for growing up requires
they clamber concrete steps to venture higher;
reality demands its daily bread.

She never gripped a silver spoon until
her children had arrived; she warmed each one
with kindled dreams and forged their hollow bends*
as flat as trowels-- tools that might fulfill
adventures which imagination's spun.*
Her children fashioned stairways to ascend.



* = edited lines




+++original

Bridling the Wind

Her kisses moored her children home in bed
away from whirlpool depths and wizard's ire,
while tucks of linen cooled capricious fires
and feather down allayed each flaxen head.
She tethered dreams to earth with threads
from apron strings, for growing up requires
they clamber concrete steps to venture higher;
reality demands its daily bread.

She never gripped a silver spoon until
her children had arrived; she warmed each one
in kilns of dreams and forged their hollow bend
as flat as trowels-- tools that might fulfill
the ventures which imagination spun.
Her children fashioned stairways to ascend.

[Merlin]

Hi Michelle,
Yuppers, I go along with the 2 above.
Make the threads purple, ok? (L5)

L11 is the one that confuses me >>
in kilns of dreams and forged their hollow bend
as flat as trowels

I don't like "kilns of dreams," would prefer "dream filled kilns." I don't know what a hollow bend in a kid is - not the same as having a hollow leg, is it? Then you go from singular bend to flat as trowels, plural. Uhuh.

I'd go with "their" ventures, rather than "the". (L13)

There tis.

Merlin (not the irate Wizard, either.)