 Hope's Slope, From Flash No.52 |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
 May 6 07, 10:22
Post
#1
|
|
 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep  |
Hope's Slope
On Hope’s Peak, we wend our way through powdered paradise, gleaming smiles in sun’s warmth. Cutting fresh tracks, we slow the pacedown … just long enough to enjoy Nan’s lunch at her “Heavenly Hut” high in the clouds. We can almost touch His nebulosity embracing the might of thisoverhead -- wondrous slope before us. Lofty, emerald pines shroud the terrain just out of reach, the city beyond -- we realize time’s passing and tepidly wave Humbly trodden pathsgoodbye. of this fantastic forest reveal the way home; we compliment sun’s descent toward Jamie slides to an abrupt stop:dusk. ski shop owner Hope lays injured… “Just - one - slalom… Rescue? Ski Patrol?” her words barely audible, “Once - a long time ago, friend.”trail off. Their eyes say so much more. I wend my way through powder’s hell-fire, hoping upon life’s hands I make it back before Hope and timesurrender. Copyright © Lorraine M Kanter ·······  ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
  
|
|
 |
Replies
|
May 11 07, 07:21
Post
#2
|
|
 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 544 Joined: 3-May 07 From: Central Florida Member No.: 427 Real Name: Judith Labriola Writer of: Poetry |
I will be waiting for your followup poem...
I have only one nit that has not been covered and it is an easy fix if you choose to do it. On Hope’s Peak, we wend our way through powdered paradise, gleaming smiles in sun’s warmth. Cutting fresh tracks, we slow the pace down … (when I copy and pasted I lost your staging)..anyway, I would lose the word down.. I know you are still going Up the mountain, but this gives the feeling you are on your way down..unless I am just lost in your words....Perhaps you could rearrange your words to be going UP instead of down...(I am confusing myself at this point.) Do you understand what I mean or am I way off..(it is before 10 a.m. and I have only had one cup of coffee, lol. As others say, lose or use. My Best (and hurry up and write the sequel) Judi ······· ······· |
|
|
|
|
May 11 07, 17:00
Post
#3
|
|
|
Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
QUOTE (Judi @ May 11 07, 08:21 ) [snapback]95893[/snapback] I will be waiting for your followup poem... I have only one nit that has not been covered and it is an easy fix if you choose to do it. On Hope’s Peak, we wend our way through powdered paradise, gleaming smiles in sun’s warmth. Cutting fresh tracks, we slow the pace down … (when I copy and pasted I lost your staging)..anyway, I would lose the word down.. I know you are still going Up the mountain, but this gives the feeling you are on your way down..unless I am just lost in your words....Perhaps you could rearrange your words to be going UP instead of down...(I am confusing myself at this point.) Do you understand what I mean or am I way off..(it is before 10 a.m. and I have only had one cup of coffee, lol. As others say, lose or use. My Best (and hurry up and write the sequel) Judi Hello Judi.  Actually, the poem starts with the skiers going down since they are at/on 'the peak'. Perhaps 'cascading' could be tossed in here somewhere? I'll think on this a bit - thanks for stopping in! I'm sooooooooo behind with commentary on all the new posts, I'm not sure when the sequel will come to me - LOL! It's all about time management.  Cheers ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
Posts in this topic
Cleo_Serapis Hope's Slope May 6 07, 10:22 
Ephiny Hi Lori,
I always love a poem that tells a story ... May 8 07, 06:22 
Cleo_Serapis QUOTE (Ephiny @ May 8 07, 07:22 ) 95692Hi... May 11 07, 05:41 Psyche This is a great one, Lori. I love the way you... May 8 07, 11:15 Cleo_Serapis Hi Sylvia!
Thanks - I'm glad you enjoyed the sha... May 11 07, 05:49 JaxMyth Lori,
Enjoyed in the main with a couple of nits.
... May 9 07, 22:02 Cleo_Serapis QUOTE (JaxMyth @ May 9 07, 23:02 ) 95811L... May 11 07, 05:53 AMETHYST Hi Lori,
I know the other night I posted a criti... May 12 07, 18:24 Cleo_Serapis Hey Liz,
I can't believe I didn't reply t... Dec 24 08, 07:10 vessq Hello Lori,
I read the poem. Read the suggestion... Jan 6 09, 20:17 Cleo_Serapis Thanks so much for your visit, Vess.
I live in M... Jan 8 09, 17:13 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
 |
|
Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 8th July 2025 - 15:53 |
Read our FLYERS - click below
|
| more Quotes |
| ||
|
|
|
|
