 Hope's Slope, From Flash No.52 |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
 May 6 07, 10:22
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep  |
Hope's Slope
On Hope’s Peak, we wend our way through powdered paradise, gleaming smiles in sun’s warmth. Cutting fresh tracks, we slow the pacedown … just long enough to enjoy Nan’s lunch at her “Heavenly Hut” high in the clouds. We can almost touch His nebulosity embracing the might of thisoverhead -- wondrous slope before us. Lofty, emerald pines shroud the terrain just out of reach, the city beyond -- we realize time’s passing and tepidly wave Humbly trodden pathsgoodbye. of this fantastic forest reveal the way home; we compliment sun’s descent toward Jamie slides to an abrupt stop:dusk. ski shop owner Hope lays injured… “Just - one - slalom… Rescue? Ski Patrol?” her words barely audible, “Once - a long time ago, friend.”trail off. Their eyes say so much more. I wend my way through powder’s hell-fire, hoping upon life’s hands I make it back before Hope and timesurrender. Copyright © Lorraine M Kanter ·······  ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
  
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May 8 07, 06:22
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 847 Joined: 14-November 03 From: Ireland Member No.: 41 Real Name: Lucie Writer of: Poetry & Prose |
Hi Lori,
I always love a poem that tells a story as well and yet still remains a poem..this is terrific and I really liked your structure as well, the winding of words down a slope..just like the characters..the descriptions really set the scene On Hope’s Peak, we wend our way through powdered paradise, gleaming smiles in sun’s warmth. I wonder about "glistening" instead of gleaming, like the sun on particles of snow?? Though gleaming works well also.. Love "sun's descent towards dusk" and the shape of that line also The description of the finding the injured woman and "their eyes say so much more" is great and leaves the reader wanting to know more..always a great place to finish. And the finish line and play on the word "hope" is marvellous as well...a tense moment, full of mystery of the relationship between Jamie and Hope..I saw that this is from a Flash writing..wow!! Great job! Lucie ······· ·······Lucie
"What could have made her peaceful with a mind That nobleness made simple as a fire, With beauty like a tightened bow, a kind That is not natural in an age like this, Being high and solitary and most stern? Why, what could she have done, being what she is? Was there another Troy for her to burn?" WB Yeats "No Second Troy" MM Award Winner  |
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Posts in this topic
Cleo_Serapis Hope's Slope May 6 07, 10:22 
Cleo_Serapis QUOTE (Ephiny @ May 8 07, 07:22 ) 95692Hi... May 11 07, 05:41 
Psyche This is a great one, Lori. I love the way you... May 8 07, 11:15 Cleo_Serapis Hi Sylvia!
Thanks - I'm glad you enjoyed the sha... May 11 07, 05:49 JaxMyth Lori,
Enjoyed in the main with a couple of nits.
... May 9 07, 22:02 Cleo_Serapis QUOTE (JaxMyth @ May 9 07, 23:02 ) 95811L... May 11 07, 05:53 Judi I will be waiting for your followup poem...
I hav... May 11 07, 07:21 Cleo_Serapis QUOTE (Judi @ May 11 07, 08:21 ) 95893I w... May 11 07, 17:00 AMETHYST Hi Lori,
I know the other night I posted a criti... May 12 07, 18:24 Cleo_Serapis Hey Liz,
I can't believe I didn't reply t... Dec 24 08, 07:10 vessq Hello Lori,
I read the poem. Read the suggestion... Jan 6 09, 20:17 Cleo_Serapis Thanks so much for your visit, Vess.
I live in M... Jan 8 09, 17:13 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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