Would You Like to Dance (trimmed back & tweaked 20/02/07), FV interwoven with a song Options

[Eisa]

Would You Like to dance

Those were the days, my friend…

I’m lifted
by Mary Hopkins’ lilting strains.

Wearing new blue hot-pants,
I teeter on stilettos
to the Saturday Dance
geometrical-bob shining
-- Mary Quant-style.

Fluttering false lashes
at the lads,
we circle our bags
bopping to Cliff.

We’d sing and dance forever and a day.

He taps me on the shoulder,
"Would you like to dance?"
I giggle shyly at the guy
with the Beatle haircut,
dressed in a suit
with narrow, neon tie.

We twist to Chubby Checker;
hips and thighs synchronize.

I Remember how we laughed away the hours
and dreamed of all the great things we would do.

Smooching
to Moon River’s slower beat,
our hearts throb rhythmically;
breath quickening.

Life: star-lit and spangled with hope, but...

then the busy years went rushing by us;
we lost our starry notions on the way.

Now nothing seems the way it used to be,
but in our hearts the dreams are still the same

snug in my fuzz of reminiscence,
I glance in the mirror --

in the glass I see a strange reflection…
is that lonely woman really me?

Should I have travelled his way,
where is my first love now?
Mary’s voice drifts away…

those were the days, oh yes…those were the days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have trimmed this back and brought into present tense -- thanks Tim for your suggestions.

Would You Like to Dance

Those were the days, my friend…

I’m lifted
by Mary Hopkins’ lilting strains...

wearing new blue hot-pants,
I totter on stilettos
to the Saturday Dance
geometrical-bob shining
-- Mary Quant-style.

Fluttering false lashes at the lads,
we circle our bags – bopping to Cliff.

We’d sing and dance forever and a day

He taps me on the shoulder,
"...would you like to dance?"
I giggle shyly at the guy
with the Beatle haircut, dressed
in a suit with narrow neon tie.

We twist to Chubby Checker;
hips and thighs synchronize.

I Remember how we laughed away the hours
and dreamed of all the great things we would do.

Smooching
to Moon River’s slower beat,
our hearts throb in rhythm;
breath quickens.

Life: star-lit and spangled with hope, but...

then the busy years went rushing by us
we lost our starry notions on the way.

Now nothing seems the way it used to be,
but in our hearts the dreams are still the same

snug in my fuzz of reminiscence,
I glance in the mirror

in the glass I see a strange reflection…
is that lonely woman really me?

Should I have travelled his way --
where is my first love now?
Mary’s voice drifts away…

those were the days, oh yes…those were the days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have changed the title -- any other suitable suggestions welcome


Would You Like To Dance (tweaked 8/02/07)


I clicked on the CD player --
‘Songs of the Sixties’
to relieve the tedium
of my ironing chore.

Those were the days, my friend…

I’m lifted
by Mary Hopkins’ lilting strains,
into a reverie of memories …

wearing new blue hot-pants,
I tottered on stilettos
to the Saturday Dance
geometric bob shining
-- Mary Quant-style.

Fluttering false lashes at the lads,
we circled our bags – bopping to Cliff.

We’d sing and dance forever and a day

He tapped me on the shoulder --
would you like to dance?
I giggled shyly at the guy
with Beatle haircut, dressed
in suit with narrow neon tie.

We twisted to Chubby Checker --
hips and thighs synchronized.
Later smooching
to Moon River’s slower beat,
our hearts throb in rhythm
to quickened breathing.

I Remember how we laughed away the hours
and dreamed of all the great things we would do.

Life was spangled with hope, but …

then the busy years went rushing by us
we lost our starry notions on the way.

Now nothing seems the way it used to be,
but in our hearts the dreams are still the same

I hum along with Mary --
snug in my fuzz of reminiscence,
until glancing in the mirror
truth triggers thoughts,

in the glass I see a strange reflection…
is that lonely woman really me?

Life reflects many turnings in the road;
did he reach his dream’s destination?
Should I have travelled his way,
I wonder
-- where is my first love now?

Mary’s voice drifts away…

those were the days, oh yes…those were the days.

… the iron hisses as Elvis croons
Are you lonesome tonight …

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Different Directions (original)


I clicked the CD player on --
‘Songs of the Sixties’
might relieve the tedium
of my pile of ironing.

Those were the days, my friend…

I’m lifted
by Mary Hopkins’ lilting strains,
into a reverie of memories …

wearing new blue hot-pants,
I tottered on stilettos
to the Saturday Dance
geometric bob shining
-- Mary Quant-style.

Fluttering false lashes at the lads,
we circled our bags – bopping to Cliff.

We’d sing and dance forever and a day

He tapped me on the shoulder ~
would you like to dance?
I giggled shyly at the guy
with Beatle haircut, dressed
in suit with narrow neon tie.

We twisted to Chubby Checker --
hips and thighs synchronized.
Later smooching
to Moon River’s slower beat,
our hearts throb in rhythm
to quickened breathing.

I Remember how we laughed away the hours
and dreamed of all the great things we would do.

Life was spangled with hope, but …

then the busy years went rushing by us
we lost our starry notions on the way.

Now nothing seems the way it used to be,
but in our hearts the dreams are still the same

I hum along with Mary --
snug in my fuzz of reminiscence,
until glancing in the mirror
truth touches me, for

in the glass I see a strange reflection…
is that lonely woman really me?

Life reflects a road with many turnings;
did he reach his dream’s destination?
Should I have travelled with him
-- where is my first love now?

Mary’s voice drifts away…

those were the days, oh yes…those were the days.

… the iron hisses as Elvis croons
Are you lonesome tonight …


The rose coloured italics are the words from the song 'Those were the days' sung by Mary Hopkins

[azurepoetry]

Snow,

I am pressed for time at work to explain all the details of my suggestions below. i love the way you intertwine narration with the song. i think that's a great idea. i cut back the set up of the N starting a cd player and reminiscing in past tense. i think this poem would read better in present test with the reader following along the action with the song's lyrics as counterpoint.

i especially trimmed the latter stanzas/verses reorganized some of them to allow the song and poem not to overwhelm one portion or the other. By taking out the cd player part, the song is woven into the reverie without us being told the N is in reverie. Let me know what you think. I'm off....ttfn.

~tim

Those were the days, my friend…

I’m lifted
by Mary Hopkins’ lilting strains...

wearing new blue hot-pants,
I totter on stilettos
to the Saturday Dance
geometrical-bob shining
-- Mary Quant-style.

Fluttering false lashes at the lads,
we circle our bags – bopping to Cliff.

We’d sing and dance forever and a day

He taps me on the shoulder,
"...would you like to dance?"
I giggle shyly at the guy
with the Beatle haircut, dressed
in a suit with narrow neon tie.

We twist to Chubby Checker;
hips and thighs synchronize.

I Remember how we laughed away the hours
and dreamed of all the great things we would do.

Smooching
to Moon River’s slower beat,
our hearts throb in rhythm;
our breath quickens.

Life: starry-lit and spangled with hope, but...

then the busy years went rushing by us
we lost our starry notions on the way.

Now nothing seems the way it used to be,
but in our hearts the dreams are still the same

snug in my fuzz of reminiscence,
I glance in the mirror

in the glass I see a strange reflection…
is that lonely woman really me?

Should I have travelled his way;
I wonder where is my first love now?
Mary’s voice drifts away…

those were the days, oh yes…those were the days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rose coloured italics are the words from the song 'Those were the days' sung by Mary Hopkins