Would You Like to Dance (trimmed back & tweaked 20/02/07), FV interwoven with a song Options

[Eisa]

Would You Like to dance

Those were the days, my friend…

I’m lifted
by Mary Hopkins’ lilting strains.

Wearing new blue hot-pants,
I teeter on stilettos
to the Saturday Dance
geometrical-bob shining
-- Mary Quant-style.

Fluttering false lashes
at the lads,
we circle our bags
bopping to Cliff.

We’d sing and dance forever and a day.

He taps me on the shoulder,
"Would you like to dance?"
I giggle shyly at the guy
with the Beatle haircut,
dressed in a suit
with narrow, neon tie.

We twist to Chubby Checker;
hips and thighs synchronize.

I Remember how we laughed away the hours
and dreamed of all the great things we would do.

Smooching
to Moon River’s slower beat,
our hearts throb rhythmically;
breath quickening.

Life: star-lit and spangled with hope, but...

then the busy years went rushing by us;
we lost our starry notions on the way.

Now nothing seems the way it used to be,
but in our hearts the dreams are still the same

snug in my fuzz of reminiscence,
I glance in the mirror --

in the glass I see a strange reflection…
is that lonely woman really me?

Should I have travelled his way,
where is my first love now?
Mary’s voice drifts away…

those were the days, oh yes…those were the days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have trimmed this back and brought into present tense -- thanks Tim for your suggestions.

Would You Like to Dance

Those were the days, my friend…

I’m lifted
by Mary Hopkins’ lilting strains...

wearing new blue hot-pants,
I totter on stilettos
to the Saturday Dance
geometrical-bob shining
-- Mary Quant-style.

Fluttering false lashes at the lads,
we circle our bags – bopping to Cliff.

We’d sing and dance forever and a day

He taps me on the shoulder,
"...would you like to dance?"
I giggle shyly at the guy
with the Beatle haircut, dressed
in a suit with narrow neon tie.

We twist to Chubby Checker;
hips and thighs synchronize.

I Remember how we laughed away the hours
and dreamed of all the great things we would do.

Smooching
to Moon River’s slower beat,
our hearts throb in rhythm;
breath quickens.

Life: star-lit and spangled with hope, but...

then the busy years went rushing by us
we lost our starry notions on the way.

Now nothing seems the way it used to be,
but in our hearts the dreams are still the same

snug in my fuzz of reminiscence,
I glance in the mirror

in the glass I see a strange reflection…
is that lonely woman really me?

Should I have travelled his way --
where is my first love now?
Mary’s voice drifts away…

those were the days, oh yes…those were the days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have changed the title -- any other suitable suggestions welcome


Would You Like To Dance (tweaked 8/02/07)


I clicked on the CD player --
‘Songs of the Sixties’
to relieve the tedium
of my ironing chore.

Those were the days, my friend…

I’m lifted
by Mary Hopkins’ lilting strains,
into a reverie of memories …

wearing new blue hot-pants,
I tottered on stilettos
to the Saturday Dance
geometric bob shining
-- Mary Quant-style.

Fluttering false lashes at the lads,
we circled our bags – bopping to Cliff.

We’d sing and dance forever and a day

He tapped me on the shoulder --
would you like to dance?
I giggled shyly at the guy
with Beatle haircut, dressed
in suit with narrow neon tie.

We twisted to Chubby Checker --
hips and thighs synchronized.
Later smooching
to Moon River’s slower beat,
our hearts throb in rhythm
to quickened breathing.

I Remember how we laughed away the hours
and dreamed of all the great things we would do.

Life was spangled with hope, but …

then the busy years went rushing by us
we lost our starry notions on the way.

Now nothing seems the way it used to be,
but in our hearts the dreams are still the same

I hum along with Mary --
snug in my fuzz of reminiscence,
until glancing in the mirror
truth triggers thoughts,

in the glass I see a strange reflection…
is that lonely woman really me?

Life reflects many turnings in the road;
did he reach his dream’s destination?
Should I have travelled his way,
I wonder
-- where is my first love now?

Mary’s voice drifts away…

those were the days, oh yes…those were the days.

… the iron hisses as Elvis croons
Are you lonesome tonight …

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Different Directions (original)


I clicked the CD player on --
‘Songs of the Sixties’
might relieve the tedium
of my pile of ironing.

Those were the days, my friend…

I’m lifted
by Mary Hopkins’ lilting strains,
into a reverie of memories …

wearing new blue hot-pants,
I tottered on stilettos
to the Saturday Dance
geometric bob shining
-- Mary Quant-style.

Fluttering false lashes at the lads,
we circled our bags – bopping to Cliff.

We’d sing and dance forever and a day

He tapped me on the shoulder ~
would you like to dance?
I giggled shyly at the guy
with Beatle haircut, dressed
in suit with narrow neon tie.

We twisted to Chubby Checker --
hips and thighs synchronized.
Later smooching
to Moon River’s slower beat,
our hearts throb in rhythm
to quickened breathing.

I Remember how we laughed away the hours
and dreamed of all the great things we would do.

Life was spangled with hope, but …

then the busy years went rushing by us
we lost our starry notions on the way.

Now nothing seems the way it used to be,
but in our hearts the dreams are still the same

I hum along with Mary --
snug in my fuzz of reminiscence,
until glancing in the mirror
truth touches me, for

in the glass I see a strange reflection…
is that lonely woman really me?

Life reflects a road with many turnings;
did he reach his dream’s destination?
Should I have travelled with him
-- where is my first love now?

Mary’s voice drifts away…

those were the days, oh yes…those were the days.

… the iron hisses as Elvis croons
Are you lonesome tonight …


The rose coloured italics are the words from the song 'Those were the days' sung by Mary Hopkins

[AMETHYST]

Hey Snow, This is a beaut! I loved the feel of the poem, and how it brought back my own memories...a life force I might say--streaming in from your images and motions within the poem.

[center]Different Directions


I clicked the CD player on --
‘Songs of the Sixties’
might relieve the tedium
of my pile of ironing.

Those were the days, my friend…

[/center]

In Stanza 1, you've set a comfortable opening image, one many readers can relate to. The tedious task of ironing, (although I don't do much of that... lol) In L1, perhaps switching the word 'on' to earlier in the line... "I clicked on the CD player --' and in L3, perhaps change 'might' to 'to' I know that you wanted the slight inner rhyme between might/pile - but you also could place the word task in L4. Of course those are minor thoughts. I think it is a good opening image.

I’m lifted
by Mary Hopkins’ lilting strains,
into a reverie of memories …

wearing new blue hot-pants,
I tottered on stilettos
to the Saturday Dance
geometric bob shining
-- Mary Quant-style.

Great images, and a nice smooth slide into a memory. I especially loved the final line "Mary Quaint-Style." Also lovely inner rhymes found here as well... pants/dance while the alliteration brings the sounds off smooth and unintrusive. No nits.

Fluttering false lashes at the lads,
we circled our bags – bopping to Cliff.

We’d sing and dance forever and a day

He tapped me on the shoulder ~
would you like to dance?
I giggled shyly at the guy
with Beatle haircut, dressed
in suit with narrow neon tie.

We twisted to Chubby Checker --
hips and thighs synchronized.
Later smooching
to Moon River’s slower beat,
our hearts throb in rhythm
to quickened breathing.

I Remember how we laughed away the hours
and dreamed of all the great things we would do.

Life was spangled with hope, but …

then the busy years went rushing by us
we lost our starry notions on the way.

Now nothing seems the way it used to be,
but in our hearts the dreams are still the same

I hum along with Mary --
snug in my fuzz of reminiscence,
until glancing in the mirror
truth touches me, for

I would omit the 'for' at the end of L4. Or possibly "until truth triggers thoughts --"

in the glass I see a strange reflection…
is that lonely woman really me?

Life reflects a road with many turnings;
did he reach his dream’s destination?
Should I have travelled with him
-- where is my first love now?

Another great transition from day dreaming of what was to pondering the what could have beens, perhaps...

Life reflects many turns in the road,

Did he reach his dream's destination?

Should I have travelled his way

--I wonder, where is my first love now?

Mary’s voice drifts away…

those were the days, oh yes…those were the days.

… the iron hisses as Elvis croons
Are you lonesome tonight …

Excellent ending lines. Another kicker Snow!


The rose coloured italics are the words from the song 'Those were the days' sung by Mary Hopkins

Hugs, Liz