A Wintry Heart-Final Revision, Wizard Award ~ Rondeau #2 Options

[AMETHYST]

These temporary revisions have been stirred by many of your suggestions and guidences. TY!

~~~~~Third Revision ... TY ALL ~~~~~
He died by spring's seductive scent;
gardenia's bloom on redolent
winds, hatchlings peep at skies of blue,
winter's ice turned to morning dew
and dreams that stirred old sentiment.

The damage of his decadent
days, spurred reclusive ways. He spent
too many years alone. Who knew
he died? By spring

the wounds of those, once innocent,
began to heal. His heart's intent
to soothe old aches; he caused a few,
And by the grace of God, renewed...
he died in Spring.




~~~~~Temporary Revision~~~~~

He died by spring's seductive scent;
gardenia's bloom on redolent
winds, fledglings taking flight, skies blue,
winter's ice turned to morning dew
and dreams that stirred old sentiment.

The damage of his decadent
days, spurred reclusive ways. He spent
too many years alone. Who knew
he died? By spring

the wounds of those, once innocent,
began to heal. His heart's intent
to soothe old hurts; he caused a few,
And by the grace of God, renewed...
he died in Spring.


~~~~~~Original Draft~~~~~~~~~

He died by spring, just as the scent
of gardenia bloom-wafting, sent
fledglings to flight in skies lit blue;
while winter ice turned morning dew
and rainbow rays stirred sentiment.

Depression, selfishness had lent
a hand to his coldness, he spent
too many years alone. Who knew
he died? By spring

the wounds of who were innocent
began to heal. His heart's intent
to soothe old hurts; he caused a few
And by the grace of God, anew...
he died in Spring.

This post has been edited by Cleo_Serapis: Jan 28 07, 14:23

[Cyn]

He died by spring, just as the scent
of gardenia blooms wafting, sent
fledglings to flight in skies lit blue;
while winter ice turned to morning dew
and rainbow rays stirred sentiment.

Depression, selfishness had lent
a hand to his coldness, he spent
too many years alone. Who knew
he'd died? By spring

the wounds of those, the innocent,
began to heal - his heart's intent
to soothe old hurts; he'd caused a few
And by the grace of God, anew...
he died in Spring.


Just some thoughts for this fine piece Liz. Love the idea of it. I like this form

[AMETHYST]

Hi Cyn,

We cross posted. I am so glad to see you here.

He died by spring, just as the scent
of gardenia blooms wafting, sent
fledglings to flight in skies lit blue;
while winter ice turned to morning dew
and rainbow rays stirred sentiment.

Great suggestion for L3. Will be making good use of that! Thank you!

Depression, selfishness had lent
a hand to his coldness, he spent
too many years alone. Who knew
he'd died? By spring

Another good change. much more precise to say who had knew he had died. :)

the wounds of those, the innocent,
began to heal - his heart's intent
to soothe old hurts; he'd caused a few
And by the grace of God, anew...
he died in Spring.

Again some good changes to consider. Actually your suggestion for L1 here gives me another direction to take this that will make it more active than it is now. Thanks Cyn.




Just some thoughts for this fine piece Liz. Love the idea of it. I like this form

You really should try this form. It has stirred my inspriation, although my skills haven't caught up yet either...

Hugs, Liz