 Lip-Smacking Delight |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
 Nov 10 05, 06:45
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 4,592 Joined: 31-October 03 From: New Jersey Member No.: 39 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Larry Carr  |
1st Revision: 11/11 PM
LIP-SMACKING DELIGHT Tasty and refreshing as summer’s breeze, savoring quickly induces brain freeze. Thick and soothing as orange smoothie, relishing flavors makes me feel groovy. Delicious and tempting as a beguiling beauty, devouring its core smacks oh so fruity. Soft and sweet as freshly whipped cream, gorging calories goes to extreme. Zesty and exhilarating as my lover’s smile, eating ice cream never goes out of style. LIP-SMACKING DELIGHT Tasty and refreshing as a summer’s breeze, savoring it quickly induces brain freeze. Thick and soothing as an orange smoothie, relishing its flavors makes me feel groovy. Delicious and tempting as a beguiling beauty, devouring its core smacks oh so fruity. Soft and sweet as freshly whipped cream, gorging its calories goes to the extreme. Zesty and exhilarating as my lover’s smile, eating ice cream never goes out of style. ·······  ·······Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Nov 11 05, 08:46
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Hi John,
Boy does this bring back some memories from childhood! As the oldest, I had to watch my brother and sisters so we'd all hold hands and walk to the corner where we could get the best soft-serve ice cream! Course by the time we got home it was starting to melt but we didn't care! lol Suggestions: feel free to ignore! *smiles* {omit}[add] Tasty and refreshing as {a} summer’s breeze, savoring {it} quickly I'm not sure why but 'it' feels out of place to me. induces brain freeze. Thick and soothing as {an} orange smoothie, relishing {its} flavors Same thing here ... makes me feel groovy. That's a word I haven't heard in a while! lol Delicious and tempting as a beguiling beauty, devouring its core smacks oh so fruity. Soft and sweet as freshly whipped cream, gorging its calories goes to {the} extreme. I think you could do without 'the' Zesty and exhilarating as my lover’s smile, eating ice cream never goes out of style. I think those are all words that you don't really need and I'm hoping it smoothed out the flow a bit. You are free to use or lose any of the suggestions of course.  Thanks for the pleasant memory! Cathy 
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Posts in this topic
JLY Lip-Smacking Delight Nov 10 05, 06:45 
JLY Cathy,
This was a light-hearted endeavor and fun t... Nov 11 05, 09:01 Cathy Hi John,
This was a light-hearted endeavor and fu... Nov 11 05, 11:18 Nina Hi John
Oh how I wish I had a magnum ice cream in... Nov 11 05, 13:55 JLY Nina,
Thanks; after reading your comments, I can s... Nov 11 05, 14:00 Toumai Hi John,
A very tasty treat! Gorging calories... Nov 15 05, 14:17 
JLY Fran,
Ice cream is delightful any time of the year... Nov 15 05, 14:32 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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