As The Sun Sets ~ English Sonnet, 2nd Revision Options

[Guest_Cathy_*]

As The Sun Sets ~ 2nd Revision

The sun succumbs to slumber 'cross the sea,  
reflecting aura'd blaze of brisant hue;  
while creatures snuggle down in den or tree,  
to safely wait for dawn ... then rise anew.  

A robin seeks its nest to rest his wings,  
nocturnals challenge shadows of twilight.  
From arc to orb, the sky in silence sings,  
as shelter's sought beneath a star-filled night.  

A muffled world embraced by dew-flecked veil  
is rudely touched by chilling lustful breeze,  
then kissed by crystal raindrops formed as hail  
which cools the warmest heart with sudden freeze.  

Protection of your arms ... misunderstood;  
soft moon reveals a soul of bitterwood*.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Oct2005

As The Sun Sets ~ English Sonnet ~ 1st Revision
 
The sun will sleep in peace beyond the sea,
reflect its flaming pyrotechnic hues;
the creatures burrow with great esprit,  
kept safe until the dawn ... to rise anew.
 
The robins find a nest to rest their wings
nocturnals challenge shadows of twilight.
From crescent to orb, in beautiful rings,
security sought all through the long night.  
 
A quiet world embraced by dew-tipped veil
is softly touched by cooling lustful breeze,
then kissed by crystal raindrops filled with hail
to cause the warmest heart a sudden freeze.  
 
Protection of your arms; misunderstood
as moonlight shines down on the bitterwood* ...

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Oct2005

*South American tree with scarlet flowers, yields the bitter drug, Quassia.  




As The Sun Sets ~ English Sonnet

The sun will sleep in peace beyond the hills
when set in flaming pyrotechnic hue;
the flowers will fold their petals ... life still
will protect them 'til dawn, to rise anew.

The robins find hovels to rest their wings
while nocturnals seek challenge in the night.
The moonlight's crescent, in beautiful rings,
is not outshined by panaromic sights.

A quiet world embraced by dew-tipped veil
is softly touched by cooling lustful breeze,
then kissed by crystal raindrops filled with hail
to cause the warmest heart a sudden freeze.

The daylight soon fades, sadly it departs;
eclipsing devotion left in this heart ...

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Oct2005[/center]

[jgdittier]

Dear Cathy,
I suppose many poets consider the sonnet to be the queen of verse. Accordingly, its specifications are probably more set and more agreed upon than any other form. Even so, mankind constantly experiments and expands the scope of the sonnet.
My focus is on metre more than rhyme scheme or the "turn" or the couplet.
Your "As the Sun Sets", reads to me this way:

the SUN will SLEEP in PEACE beYOND the HILLS
 when SET in FLAMing PYroTECHnic HUE;

I believe most sonnet lovers would agree that this is an excellent start from the metre point of view. You may want to discuss the maintenance of this beat throughout the entire sonnet with other sonneteers. I believe you'll find concordance, especially if you want to ID the piece as an English Sonnet.

Certainly the message and expression is sonnet-worthy.

Do stay the course!
Cheers,    ron   jgd