A Visit, ballade metre with internal rhyme Options

[jgdittier]

A point of light, the jets fire bright,     change fire to flare
we sail the universe.
Those lights we see- our galaxy!        change those lights to the glow
In zillion stars, immersed.

On our return, our "world" will learn
of lesser life in space.
Our visit took a second look.
They are a different race.

The life we met had no flight yet,*
They chose to stare in awe.
When our ship docked, they all flocked, change they all to a huge crowd
entranced by all they saw.
*intergalactic

Their age was stone and that alone
was used when time to build.
We taught them math, the stellar path;
for we are wise and skilled.

They bowed to us and made such fuss    keeping the u sound
as though we were divine.
I'll not deny, was with a sigh,
but their thought, never mine.

We do not know how much they'll "grow".
We saw them near to birth.
I'll no more roam, I'm headed home.
"Goodbye" to planet Earth.

[jgdittier]

Dear Liz,
I always enjoy reading a thorough review of a piece as I learn what matters to others. Deliberately trying to write in the style of the bards of yore leaves many opportunities for change.
I agree that in line 5 "fire" deserves a bit too much beat. I'll let it ride for now hoping someone will come up with a substitute, even possibly me.
In line 17 I think the "such" also merits a little too much beat but I'm trying to emphasize the google eyes on the part of the "hosts" and like the "s" sounds.
Line 19 I want to retain the trimeter.
I do like the ending. I suppose, if they appear as we envision them, we'd look just as comical to them.
As to the third stanza, I must be a bit coy to be vague while not being obviously so.
I'll here admit that I'm satisfied that there's life more intelligent than we in the universe, but I've never seen an indication in the flesh.
Thanks for your comments!
Cheers,    Ron   jgd

Dear Nina,
If man is an animal as all our senses tell us, we seem to be just as
feral as all other meat-eaters. There are few species of totally docile critters in the world (eg. sheep) and they are dependent on other forms to protect them. Even the non-living world is violent with earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, hurricanes, etc.
If space travellers are on their way here right now, how would we receive them?
Cheers,     Ron